Beach life: here I come (back)

It's been a hot minute since I blogged. Life has been happening. It feels incredibly surreal  that it's September and I'm still in treatment. I can tell you when I came here months ago this was not my plan. However, no timeline is what is healing me from the inside out; I'm not doing this again so I'd rather spend the time now getting this stuff done. I'd rather experiment with meds./have crazy changes happen while I have the support of people who not only believe me, but understand first hand. We celebrate successes, and have compassion/empathy for each other when slips happen. We fight together.

So, there's no subtle way to say this one so I'm just going for it. 

I am moving back to the coast mid-October! 

I will be moving in with dad and Dawn. I will be substitute teaching so I can control when I work to slowly get back into the realm of work and helping people.

There are so many feelings associated with this I can't even begin to go for it. 

We debated over Jackson vs. Gulfport; which city would help me seek recovery the best. 

Through that I had a revelation. My draw to Jackson is the life I previously had. Being with the 'fast' people, working at my dream job, coaching, socially running; having all the things I 'dreamed of'. 

And I was so sick; me and Ed were best friends.

It's time to create a new life.

I'm not saying no to Jackson forever, but am simply saying hello to Gulfport- for now. 

The fam. (plus Shelby haha)

So, otherwise this summer has been full of racing successes. Getting to RACE vs. participate with Ed. Ya see, Ed and racing don't co-exist; they simply can't.  My passion is now racing- not running alongside Ed. He no longer is in the driver seat for my training life. This is still a newfound concept and I loved getting to keep that all season and am loving it with upcoming races.

Shout out to the best coach ever, Karen, for dealing with my craziness. She sure knows how to get a girl to her goal!

Shoutout to my awesome relay partner Sarah!

Getting to make treatment friends real life friends is something that simply won't get old. These girls and I go through it together. We succeed together; struggle together; laugh together; feel feelings together. It's a 1 in a million experience. The days are long but the weeks are short. These girls and so many more are what keep me going here in the 901.

So. That's that. I'm learning a ton with Megan and Hannah. I am making revelations about feelings; past experiences; all my parts and how they work together; where so much of my fear stems. I learn and relearn what food does for me; who 'Self' is, and how to access her; how to use the skills that Fairhaven has and is teaching me.

Without them recovery wouldn't be where it is so mega shout out to the best treatment team ever.

This whole therapy thing works y'all!