CLINTON BOUND

Well, in case you never got the memo.  I 'have a heart' for China.  I have been there; fell in love; pledged my allegiance to it and to go back.

That was 3 years ago.

My team and some of our friends across the pond.  Great trip.

3 years later, here we are, a senior at MC, and doing everything 'right' to spend my life there.  I am taking the Chinese classes, doing the "TESOL" program, switched my whole major to embody it.  God has GOT to be laughing at it all by now.

Ya see, 3 years ago when I decided all this, I kinda had a chit-chat with Jesus and was all like...ok God if you EVER don't want me to go (which just seemed absurd), it BEST be clear, and every desire needs to be removed in order for me to get the picture...again..halfheartedly said all this. 

The past month my responses have been slowly changing and I didn't even realize it.  Anyways, so a week and a half ago I was driving back from home, and all of a sudden it hit me. 

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CHINA.

For the record.  They DO have peanut butter ;)

I start obviously hysterically freaking out, crying, sobbing, and just in complete disarray.

So Jesus and I talk, ok more like I scream out of confusion, and He chills and waits. He waits for me.  Oh so patiently.  To stop.  And Breathe.  And He oh so clearly had every desire for me to go taken from my heart.  Which scares the LIVING HELL out of me.

Logically speaking, I should go.  I would graduate 'earlier'-cuz-that is all I have left-Chinese.  But no.  It's not right for me to go.  I don't know why.  I don't know what happened.  I seriously don't know ANYTHING.  What I do know is that my application is removed.  I don't know what to claim myself as anymore.  And-I have NO idea why my degree is useful. COOL.  I know next year holds something pretty epic if it so drastically was taken from me.  And I am so OK with being here-actually-I am SUPER thrilled!

Things I do know:

-I'll be back at MC next year taking my 1 Chinese class a semester.

-I'll graduate May 2015.

-I'll live in Clinton-hopefully.

-I'll have an EPIC full time job-hopefully. 

-I'll run a lot.

-Jesus is Sovereign.

So glad to be in America this next year with my adventure buds too! :) 

These MC walls are crumbling slowly but surely.

Well, the countdown for seniors is steadily decreasing as we anticipate graduation.  I am not quite there since I don't graduate til December, however I leave MC in May because my last semester will be spent in China. So I still relate to my friends graduating in 2 months. *throw up*
It all started March 5th when my dear friend Robby and I were talking, and he is going to Germany for a year, and he asked after August when the next time he would see me would be, and I didn't know the answer to that question. I JUST DIDN'T KNOW!  I don't know where I'll be after December.  There are a few options open for my life, and it scares the living hell out of me.  I could teach in China, I could come back to the U.S. and be an R.D, or I could go to grad school for higher ed.; all of these options are great ones and I would fully glorify Jesus doing.  So, I'm not exactly freaking out if I stay in the will of God blah blah, because I fully believe if you are a follower of  Him you ALREADY are in His will.  Duh.  Silly people stressing out if you fall in His will...sometimes you just gotta follow your heart-which is my problem.  I'm not sure where my heart is leading me.  The big kid world is steadily approaching, and my beautiful little MC walls are slowly falling down around me as I am waking up at 5 most mornings to swim, or run, and as I start to disconnect from people because it simply happens.
I am starting to have more nostalgic moments because I know our times of living in a building with 200 girls I am friends with is coming to an end.  I know that my last KT meeting are coming to an end.  And, although I am excited to graduate, the reality senior night is about MY PLEDGE CLASS is terrifying.  As I sit here with tears streaming down my face from pure emotion over it all, I have nothing else to say but thank you Jesus for letting my heart choose MC, for letting my heart choose KT, and for letting my heart be led to apply to be an RA.  Without KT and RA, my college experience would have never been the same.

The faithful few who made it to the end!