CLINTON BOUND

Well, in case you never got the memo.  I 'have a heart' for China.  I have been there; fell in love; pledged my allegiance to it and to go back.

That was 3 years ago.

My team and some of our friends across the pond.  Great trip.

3 years later, here we are, a senior at MC, and doing everything 'right' to spend my life there.  I am taking the Chinese classes, doing the "TESOL" program, switched my whole major to embody it.  God has GOT to be laughing at it all by now.

Ya see, 3 years ago when I decided all this, I kinda had a chit-chat with Jesus and was all like...ok God if you EVER don't want me to go (which just seemed absurd), it BEST be clear, and every desire needs to be removed in order for me to get the picture...again..halfheartedly said all this. 

The past month my responses have been slowly changing and I didn't even realize it.  Anyways, so a week and a half ago I was driving back from home, and all of a sudden it hit me. 

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CHINA.

For the record.  They DO have peanut butter ;)

I start obviously hysterically freaking out, crying, sobbing, and just in complete disarray.

So Jesus and I talk, ok more like I scream out of confusion, and He chills and waits. He waits for me.  Oh so patiently.  To stop.  And Breathe.  And He oh so clearly had every desire for me to go taken from my heart.  Which scares the LIVING HELL out of me.

Logically speaking, I should go.  I would graduate 'earlier'-cuz-that is all I have left-Chinese.  But no.  It's not right for me to go.  I don't know why.  I don't know what happened.  I seriously don't know ANYTHING.  What I do know is that my application is removed.  I don't know what to claim myself as anymore.  And-I have NO idea why my degree is useful. COOL.  I know next year holds something pretty epic if it so drastically was taken from me.  And I am so OK with being here-actually-I am SUPER thrilled!

Things I do know:

-I'll be back at MC next year taking my 1 Chinese class a semester.

-I'll graduate May 2015.

-I'll live in Clinton-hopefully.

-I'll have an EPIC full time job-hopefully. 

-I'll run a lot.

-Jesus is Sovereign.

So glad to be in America this next year with my adventure buds too! :)