Helllllloooooo Coffee- let's defy the ending.

Such truth about life; so thankful for friends to share empowering messages with me.

Oh sweet wonderful caffeine; you get to come back into my life tomorrow morning; I couldn't be more thrilled.  Thank you Corey for tempting me into getting what I expect to be the best coffee of my life: blueberry cobbler from Strange Brew in Starkville.

So.  Why have I not had coffee? Along with dairy, gluten, soy, eggs, citrus fruits, peanuts, shellfish, corn, preservatives, artificial sugar, and artificial dyes?

quinoa, berry, chicken sausage, almond salad

It's called the elimination diet.  Now let me be clear as ever to specify I did NOT treat it like a diet.  The word 'diet' is one that is quite triggering so I tend to call it my 'elimination thing'.  For 23 days as of tomorrow, I haven't had one inkling of anything in the list above. 
So why did I choose to do this?  After doing my share of research; food directly relates to mood disorders.  Which means I have control over the intensity of my diagnosis; I can be my worst nightmare or my best advocate.  I can make my life easier by cutting out ________; which means first figuring out what ________ is. 
So I have spent the last 3 weeks letting my body get it all out; it has been great! It's been hard, but I haven't ever felt this clear-minded.  It's been and is a cool experience being so motivated for my own health.  I don't need someone to 'baby-sit' me like my friends have done in the past, but am so intrigued to see what ingredients push my buttons more so it hasn't been 'tempting'.  It is so refreshing to know I am at a spot in recovery where I trust myself enough to try it.  I won't say it has been a walk in the park.  I have had moments of doubt, moments of questioning, but overall it's been a great experience not filled with relapse; for this I am elated!

sweet potato, broccoli, chicken bake

So what HAVE I eaten lately?  Veggies, fruit, some nuts, chicken, turkey, sweet potatoes/quinoa. I've learned I can cook; I can have one 'meal' and it be what I eat for lunch. I can throw things in a pan, bake it for 45 minutes, and call it dinner for 4 nights.  I can have snacks that are healthy, and don't have to down water to convince myself I'm full.  I really miss coffee, and can't wait for caffeine.  I have my speculations of what 'it' is, but if yogurt is one I might need a day of mourning ;)


sweet potato fries, turkey burger, and asparagus/broccoli with garlic

I think I could blog everyday from now until Jesus comes back that my story is one that screams of God's goodness, grace, mercy, and everything else proclaiming He is a good Father.  I am thankful for newfound friends to share life with, share my story with/hear theirs, and it all be in a redeeming way; that Christ not only SavED me, but SavES me.  Getting to hear other peoples' life change stories encourages my heart to continue on.  With such thankfulness I can only be abounding with praise over how intimate our God really is with us, our lives; intersecting people at just the right time; it's indescribable.

 

Good days. 

Good weeks.

And tomorrow: COFFEE! 

The battlegrounds of life; the joy of thankfulness, and sunshine filled days.

My life mantra right now.

Ya know there are a thousand ways I want to start this blog out.  I am in a phase of life where I continually look back and think 'if you would've told me in April I would be doing _______ , I would not of believed you!'

But.  Here we are.  The pieces of life are melding back together.  But let me never forget the darkness fought me-HARD.  The depths of every weakness (and then some) tried to overcome me; consume me.  And I let it win for a while; with moments of a lapse of light; but it ultimately didn't win.  Fighting happened; the battle grounds were trampled.

Music; my life saver-literally.

It reminds me of how in a war zone not one person 'saves the day'.  Though some people are more 'remembered' than others, each person is needed equally.  Same thing! This fight has been long, hard, weary-laden; involving sleepless nights, worry-filled days, questionable mornings, and everything in-between for me and my people.  But #mytribe got more specific; more involved; more intense in the best way possible. 
They fought with me.  They let me know the other side is out there; to be patient with the process; reminding me continually the light was there.  Though my eyes were blinded from that Truth, theirs were not.  And I finally saw it; I arrived; we won (duh).
I could write a novel of stories of how 'so-and-so' was there for 'this' and I am so grateful they still love me.  That is the best life I could ever ask for too.  Experiencing such deep love from so many people is something I wish everyone could have in their life; I am immensely blessed to have that.

GIRLS NIGHT to celebrate Karen and wish her well in Florida. SO thankful for this family.

So practically what does this mean?
1) I am happily full-time at Fleet Feet and here to stay for a while.  I am loving everyone on staff; loving helping people, and indwelling everything Fleet Feet life. #fleetfeetfam
2) I am reading and soaking in everything USAT.  Knowing I am going to be a coach is still incredible.  I am coaching at FF, and on the side, and that is an incredible experience.

my heart; some of our Ryanman training group.

3) I am back to loving hard.  From October to April I had no intent of making new friends; of putting myself out there to take on life.  I had to accept who was here, be thankful they stayed, and simply exist.  But I love doing life with as many people as possible; I finally get to love hard and be loved.
4) I am back to exercising an hour a day with a rest day (or 2).  That's all. No 'spontaneous X many miles ride or run'.  Recovery comes first, but I am THRILLED to be back swimming, cycling, and running! (My slowness in this heat is HUMBLING!)

Team Ryanman Brave.  Such an honor and exciting experience to do this with them!

5) I am seeking recovery hard-core.  I am struggling but finding success everyday.  I am following a meal plan.  It's not like the voices that tell me things aren't there magically, I just have more of a fighting ability to tell them to flee.  Don't let me fool you and think I have this down-successes and fails happen, but what matters is NEVER QUITTING. When someone tells me they struggle with an ED it makes me happy to know them and fight with them, but simultaneously terrified because they know more of my deepest secrets than I wish people could know.  We are messy people.  I hate that but yet revel in it because our God is so big to help us in our mess, love us through it, and make us beautiful.

So.  Hello TO the other side (as compared to the Adelle song). 
It is nice to meet you.  It's my old life BUT newer and improved; my life will never be the same.  I didn't think this day would come; it makes all the aimless, tough, tear-filled months worth it  all.
This is my story.  This is my song.  Praising my Savior; all the day long.