confidently praying through the rocks

Well. A year ago or so I wrote a blog about Acts 27. It talks about this harbor called 'Fair Havens'.
How fitting right?
Basically Paul is going to Rome, a storm hits, they are told to stay in Crete, but they journey on anyways. The storm rages on and they start to take refuge at Fair Havens, but it's too exposed. Anyways they continue on, and the storm is raging and v.29 says all hope is lost. BUT God promises that no one will die despite the ship going down. So, God will be gracious to save their lives, but because they disobeyed they still had to face the consequences-they were gonna be shipwrecked. So, the bible finishes the chapter by detailing the shipwreck, but, they all survived!

OK, so how does a shipwrecking apply to my current stage of life?
I lived the gale-force winds battering the ship. I had lost all hope. I shouldn't of left Fairhaven the first time, but I did anyways. The story doesn't end there thankfully. God was merciful to keep me going, and send me back to finish the work we started.
BUT...they still ran into rocks, leading to ship wrecking. I think I'm running into the rocks.
The people had a promise that God wouldn't forsake them, but they still had the fall.
I have a promise from God that all will never be lost, but the struggle still continues.
I am thankful for my friends to provide me with support when the waves surround my ship. I am thankful to have biblical truths to fall into when I run into another rock. I have a work place to distract me (sometimes) from when I have to cut the anchors and leap out in faith to cope with life.

thankful to be in this girls circle, and her in mine.

Another realization that correlates to the above paragraphs is one (thanks to Pinelake) that is the difference in life and death.
Here are the two options:
1) Sin- guilt- confession- forgiveness- LIFE.
2) Sin- enemy- shame- condemnation- negative self talk- DEATH.

Lately I've been living towards death. I've had negative self-talk; shame; let the enemy run with sin. But. No. Forgiveness is the key to life.
Lately I've been doubting God's power; doubting His ability to HEAL. I am praying for my heart to have the faith in God that moves mountains; that can heal my body. I've never pondered (til now) praying with confidence to God about healing from Ed/anxiety. It's a prayer that scares me; makes me feel awkward. How can I pray about that one? Having these things isn't even a sin so how do I go about praying for this whole shin dig? I don't know the answers but I do know Jesus wants freedom for my life, so somehow those have  to correlate and end my story with freedom in His name.

I saw a movie The Greatest Showman. The last time I saw a movie was when I was at Fairhaven round ONE. *I don't like movies* But Renee' kept telling me how great it was, so I gave it a shot.
ZOMG EVERYONE NEEDS TO SEE IT!! One line that stuck with me is, "Don't you wanna get away from the same old part you gotta play." I am trying to see 'The Other Side' (song from the movie). I want to get away from the monotonous parts of life. I want to experience continual freedom, new risks, spontaneity, big life change, adventure; things that I could only do as a single 26 year old gal.
So, we start small. Investing in fun filled things like a new hair color and expensive mascara. It's the small things that lead to the big things; why not? Lots of potential big things are in the works; it scares me but someone once told me if your dreams don't scare you then you aren't dreaming big enough...I'm sure dreaming big these days.
Stay tuned.

Turning tables

Some pretty big life events have been happening.
I have had this reoccurring nightmare for quite sometime. It goes with me everywhere; crippling fear comes into play. Instead of me telling you the actual dream, I want to share the underlying parts of it. It's me rejecting something; running away from something; fear surrounding it all; finishing stories before they happen.
I've learned that your dreams are entities of you. So, Susan and I were talking about what I am running from that scares the hell out of me and it all clicked; my future. I know it's coming for me; it's constantly on my mind, and is something that is inevitable (obviously).
SO. I started pondering it; narrowing my options down. I had some ideas and threw them out, added another idea. This scares me but excites me because I know my life is heading in the right direction. I had to pause my entire life for 2 years for this whole shin-dig, but I *think* I'm coming back into the light; able to take on more tasks at hand. I am getting to dream about my future life-the life more than 2 months ahead of me. What DO I want to do when I 'grow up'? I know that no matter what, my future is bright because I know God is going before me on it all; preparing my heart for what's to come, and guiding my steps to do what is best ultimately to bring glory to His name and renown.
I have some future plans in the making that I can't WAIT to share- hopefully soon!

My 'safe place' forever: a specific strip on the Rez.

So, I am in the process of discipling a girl. We are reading through a book called 20 Basics Every Christian Should Know. It's basically questions like: who is God, what is the trinity, what is election, what is justification/sanctification...stuff like that.
The point of all of this is for me to teach her things; to invest in her spirituality; to pour out what was poured into me (shout out to Lindy). I am quickly learning quite the opposite is happening. As she learns and ask questions, it refreshes within me the awe-striking reality of what Christ accomplished for me.
I am relearning what God means in my life as a single, recovery minded, almost 26 year old girl. I am redefining my faith. Last time I looked at this book I was a new Christian, 15 years old. 11 years of life has happened between now and then that has shaped me to be the person I am today. Life has shown me that God is still faithful; His goodness hasn't changed, but my perception of some of His attributes have been enriched, deepened, and molded to fit Meg. I am in a place to dig into myself to see what I truly believe, and what I don't. It is a twisty, curvy, sometimes confusing route day-to-day, but is one that is needed, and will strengthen me all the more at the end of it all.

Blues marathon cheer tent!

Blue marathon was last weekend. And what an emotional based race that one holds for me.
2014: my first marathon.
2015: my friends first marathon that I paced her for.
2016: the culmination of sick Meg. I couldn't function enough to even go run with one of my dear friends. It was one of my worst days through it all.
2017: I was in Memphis.
Which brings us to...
2018: I worked the expo Friday-almost a 12 hour day. Woke up race day to 'work' the cheer tent all morning/afternoon.
It as crazy to reminisce over the vast difference of 2014 to 2016 Meg. Both Meg's were sick. Not that 2018 Meg isn't, but she's able to handle a 12 hour day. She's able to 'adult' if you will, all the while working on herself in the midst of it all.
It was a pretty redeeming experience to be out there with all my friends, having a good ole' time, not worrying about if I would be ok the next moment.

So. Life is going. It has more ups and downs than I fathomed having 4 months out of Fairhaven, but I've come to grips that no matter what I'm still working recovery; working bettering myself as a human day in and day out, and that is what matters.