Turning tables

Some pretty big life events have been happening.
I have had this reoccurring nightmare for quite sometime. It goes with me everywhere; crippling fear comes into play. Instead of me telling you the actual dream, I want to share the underlying parts of it. It's me rejecting something; running away from something; fear surrounding it all; finishing stories before they happen.
I've learned that your dreams are entities of you. So, Susan and I were talking about what I am running from that scares the hell out of me and it all clicked; my future. I know it's coming for me; it's constantly on my mind, and is something that is inevitable (obviously).
SO. I started pondering it; narrowing my options down. I had some ideas and threw them out, added another idea. This scares me but excites me because I know my life is heading in the right direction. I had to pause my entire life for 2 years for this whole shin-dig, but I *think* I'm coming back into the light; able to take on more tasks at hand. I am getting to dream about my future life-the life more than 2 months ahead of me. What DO I want to do when I 'grow up'? I know that no matter what, my future is bright because I know God is going before me on it all; preparing my heart for what's to come, and guiding my steps to do what is best ultimately to bring glory to His name and renown.
I have some future plans in the making that I can't WAIT to share- hopefully soon!

My 'safe place' forever: a specific strip on the Rez.

So, I am in the process of discipling a girl. We are reading through a book called 20 Basics Every Christian Should Know. It's basically questions like: who is God, what is the trinity, what is election, what is justification/sanctification...stuff like that.
The point of all of this is for me to teach her things; to invest in her spirituality; to pour out what was poured into me (shout out to Lindy). I am quickly learning quite the opposite is happening. As she learns and ask questions, it refreshes within me the awe-striking reality of what Christ accomplished for me.
I am relearning what God means in my life as a single, recovery minded, almost 26 year old girl. I am redefining my faith. Last time I looked at this book I was a new Christian, 15 years old. 11 years of life has happened between now and then that has shaped me to be the person I am today. Life has shown me that God is still faithful; His goodness hasn't changed, but my perception of some of His attributes have been enriched, deepened, and molded to fit Meg. I am in a place to dig into myself to see what I truly believe, and what I don't. It is a twisty, curvy, sometimes confusing route day-to-day, but is one that is needed, and will strengthen me all the more at the end of it all.

Blues marathon cheer tent!

Blue marathon was last weekend. And what an emotional based race that one holds for me.
2014: my first marathon.
2015: my friends first marathon that I paced her for.
2016: the culmination of sick Meg. I couldn't function enough to even go run with one of my dear friends. It was one of my worst days through it all.
2017: I was in Memphis.
Which brings us to...
2018: I worked the expo Friday-almost a 12 hour day. Woke up race day to 'work' the cheer tent all morning/afternoon.
It as crazy to reminisce over the vast difference of 2014 to 2016 Meg. Both Meg's were sick. Not that 2018 Meg isn't, but she's able to handle a 12 hour day. She's able to 'adult' if you will, all the while working on herself in the midst of it all.
It was a pretty redeeming experience to be out there with all my friends, having a good ole' time, not worrying about if I would be ok the next moment.

So. Life is going. It has more ups and downs than I fathomed having 4 months out of Fairhaven, but I've come to grips that no matter what I'm still working recovery; working bettering myself as a human day in and day out, and that is what matters.