find faith, family, and future?

Well-it's been close to 2 months since I have blogged, and I don't even know where to begin. I am not sure if I even attempt to fit the past 2 months into a blog, or just rant about life in general. I honestly don't even know where I would begin. I slightly would like to be that typical fake MC girl and talk all about the perfect senior year, and how I am finishing finding my faith, family, and future...letsbehonest. Like that will happen. Let's chat.

Find faith: This is the hardest semester in college hands down, and it's all because of Jesus (commence singing the song *it's all because of Jesus I'm alive*). I have NOT spent time in His word-and...quite frankly I still am not. It's not that I haven't found my faith, but it's that I have created my own 'MC' version of 'find faith'. If it means to have random Jesus talks with people, tell you about my awesome Jesus tat's, talk about the bible once a week, and be in a leadership role where I sometimes pray, then I am doing a fabulous job. However-I feel that is not what MC meant when it said 'find faith'. Pretty sure they mean that they want you to see Jesus, and then KEEP GOING with it. I mean- I got the Jesus part. I can lead us all in the sinner's prayer. (hallelujah!) However, ask me what Jesus has been teaching me this week, and you got yourself a speechless Meg. So. I am calling myself out not happily or humbly to be honest, because I absolutely hate it. I am the epitome of Romans 7:15 where Paul is like..stupid self, I don't want this, but I do, but obviously not because I am not..and just this inward battle. It's great; it sucks.

Find family: This is the hardest semester in college hands down, and it's all because of family. Although I have the best family in the ENTIRE world, and I genuinely mean that; I wouldn't trade how I grew up for the world; I wouldn't be who I am without it. However, no matter what divorce sucks, shallow relationships suck, new people are hard to get used to, and being 180 miles from home makes it super grand. You would figure by senior year life would have figured itself out, however it seems to only get more interesting. It goes back to find faith; Jesus just needs to be at the center. Amen. However to be completely cliche' for a moment, I would like to take a few sentences to say how I am finishing accomplishing this one specifically for MC. I have found my wonderful family that will be there for me 'til the end: Kissimee Social Tribe. They are imperfect in every way. Yes-imperfect. We realize how screwed up we are, and we love past it-and it's wonderful.

Find future: This is the hardest semester in college hands down, and it's all because of my degree. (noticing a pattern here?) I will graduate (LORD WILLING) with a B.A. of music with a vocal emphasis, and a minor in TESOL and Chinese. Essentially, I took a bunch of music classes, am learning a language, and am figuring out how to handle L2 learners. What does that mean for me? It means that I think it would be pretty stellar to move overseas-preferably China-and teach some English, and do life with them. When will this be happening? Oh you know-this time next year I'll be over studying abroad about to graduate, and then start 'real life'. NBD. It goes back to find faith; Jesus needs to be at the center and I probably would be more chill with it all.

So-moral of the story. When Jesus isn't at the center-everything else seems to be pretty screwy. Just to specify-I am madly in love with my senior year and would never trade it for the world, however there are more things to blog about than the typical great informal, how I love my friends or awesome races you read on facebook, or the great message at Pinelake. So. There is my grand attempt at describing life. Find faith, find family, and find future. I got a month plus a semester to accomplish them all; let's do this, except without throwing the MC Jesus card around as much as we do the, 'SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE!'. The end. Amen.

A day in the life y'all.

Well, it's been about a week and I just feel like I could blog a book about the past week.  So here is my synopsis of the 3 main events from the week.  It's pretty exciting if I do say so myself!

To start with I am officially ready for my 1/2 marathon, a week away-I ran 10 miles in 1 hour 37 minutes. 10 is the farthest you run before a 1/2. Which is basically incredible for me.  I have not always been a runner contrary to what people can assume.  It feels like yesterday I was at the beginning of the summer rejoicing and out of breath after running one mile at a 12 minute pace with Lindy.  Now I am about to embark on a 1/2 marathon in a week and a half with intentions of finishing in 2 hours (which is less than a 10 minute mile).

My running friend and KT sister who is as crazy as I am, signed up for quite a few races, and I am SO thankful for her!

Rush skits were Friday night, and this is the one I have been waiting for all of college career.  I have always wanted to be in the selective dance and/or in the front row of big dance; both of these things happened this year!! It was the coolest experience getting to dance and to see the audience watching us have the time of our lives dancing to represent the tribe we love oh so much.  Also-senior dance.  It was a moment of life that I will probably always remember and be able to look back and think to myself how perfect of a night it really was.  We lived the dream y'all.

Senior's!  Been through it ALL together. 

my twin and I rockin' rush tanks in cups!

big dance group.  what a time.

I also saw Taylor Swift this weekend with some of my best friends.  Talk about literally one of the best weekends of my college career.  Left at 530 am-drove 7 1/2 hours, had cheesecake factory, got all dressed up to see our idol, slept, and drove back to C-town in 2 days.  Let me say how INCREDIBLE her show are.  It's not a concert, but a show; it is literally a music video-live.  Not only was the show incredible, but the people I went with.  It was such a perfect trip and I hope we 5 can do something again!

dressed up, rockin' the RED, ready to jam the night away!

T-Swift and Ed Sheeran.  Best.  Mix.  Ever.

Love these kids to pieces.  For real.

Ever faithful..

Well it's been about 3 weeks since I have blogged and what a 3 weeks it has been!

My wonderful RA staff.

so we like to dance at rez life nights...with a wii.

I have eaten real food for about 2 weeks now and have hit various phases within it for sure.
I had my gain as much weight as possible phase for a few days.
Then I was back to super healthy for a few days to detox.
Now I am trying to find the median, WITH running.  I am going to be running a HALF MARATHON October 5, 2013.  Yep-that is a little over 2 weeks away y'all.  I might throw up from so many emotions raging through me.  I feel completely overwhelmed but so ready for the feeling of it all.  I ran 8 miles a few nights ago and I felt and got to remember the rush.  What racing is all about.  That I LOVE running with my whole heart, and finally broke the last 'wall' I've been needing to break to run a 1/2.  It is pretty spur of the moment as far as timing wise-but I know I can do it so it will be exhilarating to say the least!  And my dad is going to come watch which I am THRILLED about!

Lovin' the life y'all.

Mud Run-HOLLA!

Rush has been full force, and I am in ALL THREE dances.  Everything I've ever wanted my senior year in rush skits has finally happened.  I made it in selective group, and am in the FRONT for big dance.  Literally y'all:  that has been a secret dream of mine but now I can be public with it since it happened!  However, because I am in all the dances I have practice every night for a few hours so safe to say my days are wonderfully crazy.  Most senior dance practices there is always a slight emotional moment between the seniors of realizing that we are less than a year away from the 'real world'.  Whatever that entails.

starting the RUSH year out right with some home friends!

KT family outing y'all.

I wish I had some awesome blog about everything the Lord is showing me in His word.  However, I have quite the opposite.  I have a blog post to verify how FAITHFUL the Lord is to His children, despite our unfaithfulness.  Let me just be real for a moment.  It has literally been WEEKS since I have spent quality time in His word.  Sure I have gone to church, prepared for bible study and what not.  However just sitting down to ingest has not occurred in basically forever.  Sucks.  However, despite my unfaithfulness He is still letting me progress and succeed in running, using me as His instrument to speak words of truth to those who need Him ALONE, and still letting me learn from Him somehow.  I wish I could say I have a desire to be with Him more after this; still don't.  However, I can say that I am seeing how FAITHFUL our God really is.  I mean- I REALLY don't deserve ANYTHING at this point.  I mean-we never do.  And that is the point. That we can't earn His love.  He loves us despite us.  Mind. Blown.

So..his is officially my 'dip' for every and any KT event. cheap, and awesome. (and healthy....... :D )

A day in the life y'all...

Whoever created the phrase 'Senior year don't care', obviously didn't go to college, because this girl NEEDS to care senior year.

First day pic. with my Chinese/TESOL bud.

RA training ended, and school has started, and a whirlwind of actions have taken place.
I can now write some Chinese characters, which is crazy since I've been to class twice.
ALL of my classes require reading, which might not be a big deal, however I have yet to have this much reading to do in a semester, so that is a bit challenging, but slightly fun (and long).

Chinese homework y'all.  It's the life.

The biggest thing in life so far is that as of Wednesday (tomorrow) I shall hit 12 weeks-3 months of hard-core loosing weight.  I did not cheat one time; which is a testament to the Lord Himself.  Let me say that one again, without the Lord NONE of this is would even be possible.  I have learned what strength from Him alone looks like, what self-control to the Nth degree encompasses, and how to have endurance to persevere.  I'd be lying if I didn't have a plethora of moments of weakness, desiring to cheat, or not work-out, however He is incredibly faithful to provide various outlets at the right moment.

typical shopping list.  exciting life.

However, because of the way my body has been acting, it is time to stop.  It officially became an obsession. For over a week I cried a thousand times a day, lived from cup of coffee to cup-drinking multiple cups of coffee 4-5 times a day, and was still exhausted before 10 pm.  I say all of that to simply provide to you that I am broken.  I do not have life put together.  I struggle-a lot.  And thank you pride, I wanted to make it to fall break to prove to the world I could.  To make it to 120 as fast as possible.  However, thank you to the unsuspected friend, Steph, to come along my path and speak truth to me.  To tell me not only is it ok to stop early, but that it's time.  So, Wednesday at 12 I will be consuming a delish sandwich and some type of yummy treat from cups after as my first 1-on-1 with Jules.  I have never been so thrilled for one moment in my life.  First off, I love 1-on-1's, and the fact it's the first time I'll have my fav. sandwich is splendid.

12 weeks-45 lbs. later :) 

With all of that I am still vigorously training for the Bourbon Chase in mid-October, and other races coming up.  I have not enjoyed running the past week because I have not had enough energy to run, so I am excited to incorporate real food into my diet to have ample energy/carbs to make it longer!  I can run 6 miles right now, and can't wait to increase more.  I love seeing the Lord use my body in ways I didn't even know I could be used.  I can't wait to run this race and see what it looks like to run Kentucky hills too!

So my life schedule as of now:
-class/homework
-RA
-running
-KT

Bring.  It.  On.  I wouldn't want it any other way.

RA training-round 5

Well-we have been in RA training for a week now-and have a few more days left of it.
I could write pages and pages on what is wonderful, sucky, great, hard, and various other things.  However after typing and erasing for about 20 minutes, I changed my mind.

RA world after serving for a day.

The most diverse but wonderful West RA staff.

I have lost 35 lbs. so far, and have 44 more days of loosing weight-I made the executive decision that 2 weeks before running the Bourbon Chase (October 4th) I am going to stop actively loosing weight, and slowly start incorporating carbs and calories back into my life, so I can participate in the fullness of the Chase experience.  Coincidentally, that is the Friday of fall break-so I look to fall break for yummy food and great friend time.  Whoever said that after so much time you start to crave sweets less LIES.  Everyday I would love to take a whole bag of peanut butter m&m's and stuff them in my mouth, but there are two words for you:  self-control.

I can't wait to make this and consume a whole pan by my self.  And then throw-up.

I can officially run 5 miles, and am steadily increasing the mileage.  I decided I'm gonna go for the 1/2 marathon in Gulfport on November 30th, and could not be more excited.  So I have a race in October, November, and am on the look-out for one to do in December or January for kicks (winter tri or 1/2)!  I can hardly believe I wake up every morning at 6:45 to go run or work-out, and I ENJOY it.  I am sore all the time lately still from starting upper body, but it feels oddly wonderful.

Just to be blunt-it is incredibly encouraging when people compliment me about how great I look, but always following is the question-how I am doing it?  Ummm-is there a secret?  Do you expect an answer other than dieting and working out?  Then the next phrase following is usually saying how great I am doing, how they wish they could, but they could never give up *insert favorite thing here*.  I must say that 3 months ago I would have never said I could go 10 weeks so far, 6 more to go, and have not cheated ONCE-not even a taste of anything (no grain, dairy, fruit, sweets, nuts, soda, sweets, etc.).  However I am realizing that it 'hits' people at various stages of life that we need to get our bodies into the top condition so we can use it to the best of our ability, and I guess now is my time.

Another delish thing that I can't wait to consume-probably also by my self.

I am so ready for classes to start.  I have the coolest classes ever:  Instrumental Conducting, TESOL, Chinese, Music History 3, Band, Earth Science, Piano, and Voice.  The least amount of classes I have ever had, and the most hours ever...the life of a music major who is stretching into other MC classes y'all.

pictures galore of life's fun and sweet times!

I figured a blog was needed between the tri and school blogs, so here it is!

This is me at formal in April, and then me after my tri-and i'm only half way!

I went to North Carolina with my dad and sister and it was a wonderful trip to hang with them for a few days.  We hiked some various falls, white water kayaked, and shopped around a bit.

Jill and I at a beautiful fall!

We are ninja's for getting this one.  Oh yea.

A bunch of my MC friends came down for a few days and hung out with me, which involved us going to the beach at night, going to yummy places for dinner, AWFUL movie choices, and my dad taking us out to tube and ski!  Seeing them made me excited to go back to school for sure.

Pure fun y'all.

Yep they tried the 3-and it was hilarious.

I have been hanging out with new/old close friends and my dad the past 2 weeks along with the whole summer and that is the part I am dreading leaving the most.  I am endlessly thankful for solidifying friendships and knowing they will be here when I come home from school.

The best dad ever.  So glad to have made dozens of dinners with him this summer.

My newest but just as wonderful friend, Casandra, and I failed at getting a picture together-however she accompanied me on my exciting trip to get my belly button pierced! 

The bestie..we are literally a married couple y'all.

Lindy and I.  Words aren't here to express our relationship.  Amen.

In other news, summer school ended, and I made it out with an A in Biology lab, B in Biology lecture, and a B in College Algebra.  I can't believe my eyes.  Literally-the Lord is gracious to His children.  Amen.  I loved my biology class to pieces-we had breakfast together (teacher included) as a class to hang out/study before the final!

So my last week and summer in Gulfport is coming to a close speedily, and I could write a book on what I have learned, gained, struggled with, cried and laughed over, and will all now be memories in my memory bank of a brain to look back on, and thank the Lord for endlessly.  I could also write another book on what I am nervous, excited, sad, anxious, and ready for as my 3rd year as an RA, 2nd semester KT treasurer, senior year, all while race training/dieting comes at me.  Let's do this
!

The impossible is only impossible for those who view it as that.

"Everyone has three choices in life:  give up, give in, or give it your all."

This is basically the theme of my summer.  I have been training for my first triathlon for a long time now.  It's been fun.  It's also been incredibly hard.  There has been blood, sweat, and tears all experienced on the road (and bike grease!)  Expect the impossible y'all.

Why?
You and I have a God who is on our side who completes the impossible within us.  More than anything I want my life to be an encouragement to anyone who wants to do something crazy.  Live a little.  Put some determination into it.  The impossible is only impossible for those who view it as that. (that's a free-be from yours truly.)

Take the risk.  All these people did, and succeeded!

So this weekend I went to Baton Rouge to tri it up at rocketchix and met my future roomie, Ashleigh, down there because she was my cheerleader and we hung out and got to the race site a little after 530 am.

I was all ready before the sun was up y'all!

   After momentary fear of storms screwing it all up, I got all ready in my 'swim gear' (AKA:  sports bra and swim bottoms) and off I went!  After waiting my turn for a while, I swam the .2 in a little over 9 minutes, and off to bike 12 miles I went!

Getting my swim on.  Oh yea.

The first 6 miles were upwind and kinda hard, so the people who were on their 'second lap' (AKA:  we turned around after 6 miles) were SO encouraging to us on our 'first lap', so then after I got half way it was fun to do the same for the people behind me, and we were down wind-praise-finished in 54 minutes.  At around mile 10 or so I started to get SUPER hungry-so my 'cookies' at the finish line were DELISH!

Transition.  In the zone.

Then off to the run, of which was not that bad, considering-finished in a little over 18 minutes.  A lot of women walked some of it-but despite my tiredness, I could not justify it within myself because I was exhausted.  I am so thankful I decided to suck it up and run the dang thing.

Crossing the finish line:  best feeling I have legitimately ever felt in my life thus far.  Then to find out I beat the time I would be pleased with by 17 minutes was one of the single best moments also.  I have never been so compelled to just cry from a sheer overwhelming feeling but I was holding back tears, and had a minor failing at that one.  Incredibly in awe of what God just did with my body for and hour and 28 minutes.  Overwhelmed that I have been waiting for that moment since Christmas break and it was everything and more of my expectations.

Before the tri.  Us looking nice and awake, and dry...

After the tri.  Much more awake and refreshed.

As my first triathlon is behind me, a new race has appeared: The Bourbon Chase.  Go check it out.

200 miles.

12 runners.

2 vans of us.

15.6 miles for me (each person has a different set of legs=mine are #6 of 12 in difficulty)

The state of Kentucky at our finger tips racing against hundreds of other vans like us.

All with one heart.

I'm incredibly pumped to do this with my new tri friend Lisa and see Kentucky at the same time!
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared out of my freaking mind also, but I can't wait to see what my running looks like in October as compared to July.  Here goes something!

closet sporty girl covered up by the musicality of life being convicted by Him.

well y'all I am signed up for a Triathlon on July 27th.  Rocket Chix in Baton Rouge, LA is where it is.  350 meter swim (0.2 miles), 12 mile bike, and a 2 mile run.  I can do them all successfully in the time I want, however the fun part is now:  putting it all together.
I am more and more thankful I am home for the summer.  I get to loose weight, get in shape, and have the time of my life training for something I LOVE to do:  not awfully hard triathlons.  Maybe when I am skinnier I will like the harder ones, but for now I will stick to my cute sprint tri's.   I like the ones with more biking and swimming, and less running (anything more than 3=not my cup of tea).  Thus this is perfection for me.  I can't wait to get a TRI sticker to put on my car after this.  I can't wait to go back to school with longer hair, looking great, and a TRI sticker to prove myself.  I have decided what I am.  I am a closet sporty girl covered up by the musicality of my life.  I feel better and better about swimming, biking, and running being a healthier human being.

I have no cute transition, so on a more serious note, I have this split persona when the Lord decides to SLAP me in the face with sin that I didn't even realize.  For six years..SIX YEARS I have been drastically praying with the wrong intentions.  I mean I basically trust God, and even Jesus, and I do have the Holy Spirit and trust Him inside of me.  But I have been failing to trust Him specifically and didn't have the eyes to see.  I specifically have been not trusting Him with people I loves' salvation.  It's not that I trust myself in myself for that.  I know that grace comes through faith in Him alone, etc.  I just don't trust that they will accept the Lord.  I don't trust that the Holy Spirit will come through.  Now this is also when I began to realize that since I don't trust the Holy Spirit, I am not trusting Jesus, so I am not trusting God (thanks to the whole trinity sha-bang).  I wish I had a great ending to this blog saying I am overcoming this sin, but  I have yet to figure out how to attempt to overcome it.  What I do know is that it's pretty great how Lindy and I are studying Romans 8, and this week my 3 sermons by Piper are How to Kill Sin.  So that is pretty great.  So now it's time to practically put all of this research to use, so then the Lord can use me, His clay pot to spread this revelation to other believers.

Here goes something.

A summer of things I love.

As I realize that I am into July and still have almost 6 weeks left in this town, I am overjoyed that I still have half left, but saddened that I have already spent half of it.  Here are a few pictures to describe the past few weeks.

Ashleigh, Becca, and I decided to Kayak the whole Okatoma (13 miles)!  It was a LOT of fun and no one ended up flipping.  Praise the Lord y'all.

 My cousin had twins so my dad and I went to go see them:  Christian, and Remy.  Beautiful.

 Michelle, Katlyn and I hang out randomly and it's just awesome to get to hang out with friends from school at home.  Wonderful memories.

 I went to Jackson for the weekend to play for a church, and had lunch with this crazy group.  I loved seeing all of them and catching up.  We haven't skipped a beat.

Becca and I skype a few times a week-which is great.  We keep in touch more than we do during the school year I think.  #summersolutions

I spent the past few days priming, paints a zillion coats on Lindy's kitchen.  It is red and a tanish color now.  It's been SUPA fun to spend days and days jamming to Jesus/90's music and painting a kitchen.  I now feel totally confident to paint my own house:  trim and all.

I have lost almost 20 lbs. so far in a few weeks which is awesome!  I am doing Ideal Protein with my sister and it's super fun and challenging.  I am learning a LOT about self-control and it is super helpful in my walk with the Lord also.

Here is a paragraph of EVERYTHING I love about being here this summer.

I love everyday here.  I love getting to sleep past 7 am.  I love going to USM on the Coast.  Although I can't stand college algebra and Biology and Society lecture/lab, I love the people in class.  I love how real everyone is in there.  They are REAL people with REAL lives.  I love how I get to stay at home, and cook real food.  I love how I get to see Michelle several times a week, and randomly hang out with her.  I love how I get to randomly hang out with my friends and not think much about it.  I love not having a job.  I love getting to be discipled again.  I love getting to volunteer at GCCM every week, and see real people impacting real needs.  I love getting to hang out with Lindy and Daelynn all week, every week.  I love getting to live at home with my padre'.  I love going to PJ's 5 days a week and starting to know the barista's.  I love the random friend dates I am going on with my new found real friends.  I love the real conversations I am getting to have almost daily with people.  I love getting to use my phone when I want, where I want, with no one to tell me otherwise/another county inhibiting me.  I love how my God supplied all my needs when I doubted Him.  I love how I get to drive down the beach everyday to go to class and worship like crazy.

The End.

So why the skirts?

One of my good friends, Tori, went to school with me for a few years and we took some music classes together, and what not.  She is one of my sisters in Christ; she is sensitive to the Lord's spirit in that she senses when He wants her to do what we perceive as random things; but we know nothing is random in the Lord's way.  So here is a blog from her  sharing her personal convictions:  I encourage you to read it.  It's cool to see Jesus in EVERY aspect of life!

• "So why the skirts?"
• A little bit about my religious convictions and where my walk is with Christ:

  Most of the people in my life know that I wear skirts and have long hair. In my hometown there is a huge Pentecostal church that is widely known of and attended, therefore most of the time people just assume that I fit into, or follow, the Pentecostal 'standards'. The story of my religious convictions is a bit more complicated than that…

  The Summer before my Sophomore year, at a 'back to school' retreat at a small Pentecostal church in Ball, Louisiana God laid on my heart a strong conviction. I had been fervently praying that Christ give me the ability to 'speak eloquently'. I had been obsessed with the idea that I was not a good enough, or a knowledgeable enough Christian to speak to anyone about Christ. I was terrified that people would think of me as an uneducated hypocrite using the word of God as a tool to fuel my own agenda. Because of my fear most of the people at my school, and even some of my close friends and family, had no idea that I had been saved. I was seeking so desperately for God to help my light shine brighter into the community. I remember saying, 'God, I want people to know that I am a Christian as soon as I walk into a room. I want to be held to a higher standard for myself. I want others to always know that I am, or should be, representing your kingdom'. There have only been 3 times in my life that I have undoubtedly heard the voice of God answer my prayer, and this time it completely broke me. God laid on my heart a conviction to wear skirts, and have long hair from that point on.

  It's now 6 years later, and I am in a vastly different place than I was at 14. I have a stronger understanding of the word of God and organized religion. I am a more confident and educated speaker. I am now married and navigating the tail end of my college life. I have been let down and lifted up by religious figures in churches, schools, and the media. I am., to put it simply, growing…

  I have recently decided to not identify myself as a 'Pentecostal' for a few reasons. First and foremost I do not think it is my responsibility to take on the actions, good and bad, of a group of people from the last 100 years. I have met some of the kindest people in the world through my relationship with the UPC (United Pentecostal Church) , but I have also met some of the cruelest. Secondly, I simply don't agree with all of the teachings of the denomination. I believe in one true God. I believe in an ACTS 2:38 church, and I believe in baptism for the remission of sins. But you will never find me telling someone that they are going to hell for not having spoken in tongues. (In fact you will never find me telling anyone they are going to hell for any reason, because I do not know their heart, or what is written in the book of Life, or what their relationship is with Christ, or what personal journey they are on.) Thirdly, I believe that finding a group of like minded thinkers, and a Christian leader called to minister by the Lord is a wonderful thing. I do not, however, think that denominations or organized religion as a whole is helpful or necessary. I am very tired of splitting hairs with the people of my religion, and with arguing with those outside of it. It's too much time and energy being wasted. God is not the author of confusion. He will reveal the answers to my questions through his word, thoughtful prayer, and the guidance of those he puts in my life. The end.

  All of that to say…. I love my skirts. They saved me. They were my safety blanket, they forced me to learn how to match and dress myself decently, they taught me to be true to who I was and not succumb to peer pressure. For the first 2 years I had no money to buy new outfits, so the women in my community brought me their clothes. They were precious stories handed down in garbage bags from women who didn't have much to give in the first place. My skirts affirmed my trust in the power of modesty. They helped me live a lifestyle that kept me pure for my husband. They offered up countless conversations about the Lord with complete strangers. They truly changed my life.

  As I approach this new chapter in my life I can admit that I am scared. I don't know if I will always wear skirts and not cut my hair, but I know that the Lord with guide me. I will be a Theatre major for the first time next year, and I am a little terrified to be thrust into my first professional experience with costumes and shows. I don't know exactly how the next few years of my life will pan out, but I have faith in the will of the Lord. More than anything, I want to express that my relationship with Christ is more than skirts. It's about him changing me from the inside out, not the outside in. I am learning that this path was God's will for me, but that from now on I need to understand and pray that people know that I am a Christian when I walk in the room because I am allowing God to use me. My testimony and my positive influence can be a direct result of the way that I live my life, and not just what I have on.

  I ask that anyone who reads this pray for me from time to time. I hope that my story can help other people who are struggling with modesty, conviction, or anyone seeking to find the truth through all of the hazy lines being drawn by the world's view of 'religion'. 

A chapter ignored for its' beauty

Without fail the Lord has been teaching me ions and ions about Himself this summer.  And I want to remember it all, like every other summer.  I so desire to never forget the past 2 summers themes:  praying without ceasing, and freedom.  I can't wait to figure out my 'theme' of this summer.  So without further ado, here is my mini rant/blog about what I am devouring thus far.

Romans 7 is what Lindy and I have thus far memorized and decided to in-depth study, (thank you John Piper for your sermon notes.).  Just to synopsis:; Romans 7 is basically a chapter about Paul's struggle with sin as a CHRIST FOLLOWER..  It relates our relationship with Christ to a married woman and man.  And how when he dies we as the wife are free to marry apart from the law.  JUST like us and Christ.  When we die to sin, we are free to marry the one who IS love.  And the One who has conquered death, so we will be in union...married to Christ for eternity.  What a glorifying truth!  It continues with two questions.  Number one being: What shall we say then, that the law is sin?  BY NO MEANS!  And number two being:  Did that which is good then, bring death to me?  BY NO MEANS!  After each question it of-course answers itself, that our flesh is responsible, and that the very law that promised life proved itself as death to our souls because we are rebels at heart.  Then it does this whole paragraph about how we have a divided will of spirit verses flesh.  However it ends with saying how much of a wretched person I am, but THANKS BE TO GOD THROUGH OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST that we can serve Him, and have the battle of sin daily.

Below is a song that has a bridge that encompasses such biblical feelings for it all.  God saying, "You are clean", and me crying back how dirty I am.  What an image.

good days are....good.

Monday is the first 'good' day I have had since getting my wisdom teeth taken out.  Met with Lindy-which always means I will have a beautiful day, and we also started volunteering at GCCM (gulf coast community ministries) which is going to be a fun experience.  It is pretty cool to see lots of people with such a servant-minded heart, and to join them in their efforts.  It is also pretty awesome to be discipled again by the woman who taught me everything I know about God's word.  So thankful to be home this summer.

Went to this thing that Jill and I are going to do together.  It is the CRAZY diet thing that I can't believe she got me into doing-but alas-here we are.  I can't wait to look legit!  Lemme tell you the things I *can't* have:  bread, cheese, any dairy items, fruit, nuts, soda, alcohol..(AKA: mostly my lifestyle currently). So I am very excited to develop new habits this summer with my sister, really sad to give up grilled cheeses, anything ending in *sandwich*, pineapple smoothies, green apple Smirnoff's, diet pepsi, and Brooklynn's, and also really anxious to see how it pans out come December (my ETA of finishing Phase 1)
We are using Ideal Protein,which coincidentally is made in my favorite place:  CANADA!

Michelle and I hung out for a little bit.  Let me take a moment to rant about how thankful I am for her.  During the school year we rarely get to see each other because we are both so involved in various activities, however the second we hit home it is like we never missed a beat.  True friendship y'all.

gotta love us.

As if my life isn't exciting enough-it just got MORE exciting.  So Thursday night Lindy and I were doing our jog thing..except we decided to walk so we could talk.  Anyways...so we were walkin' by the park, and there were 3 kitten.  I immediately said 'keep walking..keeeeep walkin'!  However I knew at that moment those cats were coming home with us...thank you Lindy the cat lover.  So we play with two of them for everr, and we do walk away-but the dang cats followed us home!! So-dad has them both at the clinic-mine has a thing on its' neck, and Lindy's has herpies (what a player).
My cats name:  Hildegard Von Bingen.  She was the first person to compose liturgical drama's.  Oh yea.

Named by my wonderful twin:  Becca.

Stay tuned for the rest of summer's crazy antics.

Surgery # 3 of life...

Well y'all I have now lost 3 parts of me:  my tonsils, my gallbladder (click: here to read a little bit!), and now my wisdom teeth.  Sheesh I am only 21!  Oh well.

Earlier this week I helped lead music for VBS and helping in a 2nd grade classroom Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and before surgery Thursday.  It was so fun getting to teach these kiddos such truth I was not exposed to as a child, and getting to see the middle school kids help lead is so touching to my heart.  VBS is always one of my favorite weeks of the year!

my "modest is hottest" dress..HAHAHA

So then dad and I drove to the oral surgeon, and off I went in the back to have my teeth extracted from my mouth.  There is a pretty funny video on my facebook (click here to see!) if you haven't seen it of my 'after-video'.  Everyone has one and of-course I had to also.  So then we came home and my beautiful bestie, Michelle, came over and hung with me all day.  Through my cloud 9 phase to my fall on the sleep on the chair phase.  Whew.  I must say it will not even compare to having my gallbladder taken out, although it is NOT a walk in the park by any means.  My first sip of water I tried to take...not a bit of it got in my mouth, but landed all on my shirt.  And for everyone who knows I always tell TMI..it was nice and pinky/red cuz of the blood in my mouth.  So my bright yellow shirt now has a huge darker spot all on it.  Memories y'all.  So for now I am just chillin' at my house, watching ZILLIONS of movies, with the beautiful souls willing to sit with me.  Also-I must say I can see how people become addicted to Loritab-y'all this stuff is GREAT! ;)

My after pic I took myself.  Not too bad considering I'd been awake 5 minutes!

Reminiscing via summers.

Let's back up to 2 summers ago: God called me to Kamp Kanakuk where I would have the hardest summer of my life but learn lessons I would have not learned anywhere else, and the best dad in the world came to Branson, MO just to bring me my car, with tickets to fly back for him and K; no intentions of me coming back for emergency surgery.  SURPRISE.

So 2 summers ago I had surgery totally ordained by the Lord's timing for sure.

Last summer:  God called me to Ottawa at C!C and showed me what transparency, and freedom looked like in Him, got to make best friends in CANADA, work at what Christ calls the church to be, and see a Christ-centered household with 3 crazy wonderful kids; it was totally planned every moment for that.  There isn't a day where I don't think about my experiences up there.

This summer:  God called me to Gulfport, MS to take a few classes, maybe get a job, and just be at home with the fam.  However, in a few days I will have random surgery again-getting my wisdom teeth out.  Why so random?  Because I just figured out less than a month ago I have them (thank you PAIN!), and now I will get them out since I can't chew on half of my mouth.  What a summer.  It's only been a week down here.

I can only imagine the blog post you will all experience after my experience round 3 thus far of life of anesthesia...if I could express how much I HATE that stuff-I could make a whole blog about it, but I will spare it.  Just know I am not nervous or anything, I am just ready to get it over with, mostly the anesthesia part.  Blah.  Tis' my life.