My privilege because of one word.

I have been stirring over the brokenness that our world holds. How do we just sit here and watch?

This is how:

Denial. Don't think about it. You 'deserve' it. Make up stories in your head. Maybe they are a drug addict so addicts don't 'deserve' basic human rights? Maybe they are getting out of prison so they have to suffer more right? 

But...is that what Jesus would do? Would Jesus take away human needs because they are trying to deal with trauma the only way they know how at that moment? Would Jesus further shame those who already have enough for themselves and their entire family? Would Jesus keep all He made? (Spoiler alert--He freaking preached about sharing with those in need.)

I have loved living abroad to see what white privilege looks day to day. I wish more people had the opportunity to spend time in a country where everyone looks different than you. When you are meeting someone for coffee you don't know, and say 'oh I'm the girl with white skin' jokingly. When you have the honor to show that not all Americans are the stereotype--whatever it may be; living among a people group that a certain president thinks is less than. 

So, I am sure by this point most of you are saying 'yes!'. (If you aren't I suggest you stop reading.) Ok let's go a step further. What about when you see a black man vs. a white man walk by? What about when you hear accents? Or if you hear of a shooting and it's a white guy and you are surprised more? Or how 'certain' places we can cannot be?

How do we break all the patterns? I am not sure but I can tell you it starts with you and me. Not judging an accent but asking about their culture. Grabbing your bag no matter what color the person is because don't be stupid, girls. Be sad over all shootings no matter if they are black, white, or purple. Go to the places that aren't 'ok'. 

Be the difference. I don't want to tell my friend's kids about this time of life and say that I just hung out while all of the above was happening. I want to say I fought. I spoke up. I did the dang thing. I took the risks, and I hope you do too. 

October 17th- we meet again!

October is my favorite month of the year. Why?

2015 I admitted I had an eating disorder. (For reference: May 2013 anorexia came into my life.)

2016 I fell-hard-and entered into FH.

2017 I discharged from FH and started to live life outside of treatment. 

(All specifically October!)

2018 I was aimlessly teaching; recovering from my last 'go' at an OP treatment place. 

2019 October was my first month having my very own classrooms; my first calendar year without treatment.

2020? I am in the middle of a worldwide pandemic living the life I dreamed of for almost 10 years. 

October is the month I lost everything, and then gained everything back. October 17,2016 I claim as 'recovery day' because it is the day I entered into FH. I submitted my livelihood into someone else's care because my method wasn't working. The life I once had was crumbled before me, and something had to give. Without October 17th, 2016 there would be no October 17, 2017. My story wasn't and isn't over yet. 

This is the view from my kitchen window. I know. Terrible huh?

Instead of going through those years, I want to celebrate the me now. The me that knows how to deal with life without maladaptive behaviors. (Not perfectly, but we are works in progress seeking the Lord through them.) AnaLu and I are seeking recovery with all the mental illness things; with the sin in our lives and calling out the lies that are engrained in my head. We (she) talks about Jesus' love that is overwhelming. I am learning how much Satan likes to screw with me. But Jesus has come and already broke all the chains; He has called me out of slavery. 

In other news, November was the month I was supposed to visit the States, considering I left July 2019. But like many others, COVID killed that one. So, I have purchased some State-side type things including A FOUND REGULAR VANILLA COKE!! (<3 recovery) I got some BEN AND JERRY'S and DELISH sushi--some of the best I've ever had. I have run around the streets a little. (Not much because I have COVID 'long-haulers'. Ope.)

My favorite 'deal' at my favorite coffee shop here.
They may or may not know my name....

Spanish classes are so fun (as I say every time). Pao isn't quite as um.. 'treatment familiar' so we have lessons where I teach her about the crazed life. Sometimes she can only say 'so much information!'. (Sorry Pao..my friends and I sometimes laugh at with you.) I am learning the last conjugation pattern so that is cool. (Don't worry there are MANY rules still to go.) I had a meeting in Spanish with the people not speaking slower for me and I *mostly* kept up. Pao endures my stories and aimless information and listens as if it's actually interesting. 😅 She has gotten a bit 'bold' of how she tells me no. The first few months: 'ummm not exactly but...' Now? 'mmm no.' HAHA <3 Jenni and I have 'fun' I guess...last session she said 'And is that working for you?' I said no. She just stared at me. OPE. But she's supportive of my life here, and helps me seek the best one possible.

I got a bike. Cute huh??

I cooked my favorite Peruvian dish (pastel de pap) by my self!!

Jesus is showing up and showing out (as always). He is showing me His consistency amidst inconsistency. He is showing me there is ALWAYS a way out. He is showing me the balance of feminism and His Word. He is continually here, even when I don't want Him to be. I am thankful for AnaLu to point me to His Truth and not her words.

I got new shoes and a new bookbag. Cute huh?

(Politics are hilarious here. I <3 it because basically everyone doesn't like Trump since he doesn't like foreign people. So I can be open about my love for Kamala Harris.) 

The end. 

2 months later....

And just like that, 2 months has passed since I last blogged. The last you heard I was diagnosed with COVID. Clearly I survived and am happily back teaching and running.

Nighttime view of the city.

I did something in the top 5 biggest positive things only me and Jesus accomplished: 

The other 4:
- participating in a Bible memorizing competition that taught me front to back hundreds of verses
- 'graduating' treatment
- graduating university
- moving to Peru

And 5......

I NOW LIVE IN MY VERY OWN APARTMENT AND PAID FOR EVERY PART.

The view from my kitchen.

Yes...a British table. Shout out to my besties from Peru: Johnny and V.

Why is this such a big deal? For 28 years, I have needed Mike Anderson to pay for many things: all my medicine, therapy, psychs, etc. When I needed something 'extra' I always had to call him. Now Mike Anderson only pays for insurance and Jenni (dietitian) because of conversion rate. I paid for the 'down payment' required for my apartment, every single item in the place, WiFi; even my cell phone I spontaneously needed.
I have always needed help because shortly after graduating university, I was on and off in treatment for 3 years. And in-between working only jobs vs. careers to try to stay out of treatment. (Clearly that worked well.) When I moved to Peru, everyone held their breath and hoped for the best. But I knew God had so much more in store. THIS was what I thought I wouldn't get to for years. To live solo; to pay for myself. To make enough to SAVE money to pay for everything. To get to tell dad I don't need him to pay for my fridge or stove. To walk into the store, point at a stove, and walk out with it and a mattress. I LOVE living on my own. I get to cook every night after class while listening to Friends or Gilmore girls around the apartment. I can shower with the door open, and sing and play guitar as loud as I want. 

My room before....

View from my bed now.

My usual update about AnaLu, Jenni, and Pao. Let's see. Pao's classes are fun. We are learning she has to teach/go over homework first before letting me talk because she's too nice to tell me to shut up lol. She listens to my crazy antics, small things, continual mistakes; all the while learning different facets of the crazy people realm of life. (Sometimes she says 'wow that is a lot!' or 'I understand your words, but I don't understand' lol.) AnaLu in a phrase: the best worst thing. I'm learning what healing truly is, what hard things really are; what it's like to trust someone with lots of silence of simply space holding. She prays with me, for me, and challenges me more and more. Jenni is grandly mean <3. We are processing what 'normal' looks like, and at one point we just stared at each other because it was sliiiiightly tense. She started to laugh and said 'well we are just starting at each other'. Ope.
All 3 of these people are so filling for me; I spend 6 hours everyday pouring into groups of students, so it's nice to have someone everyday help me. It's not selfish-it's having what is needed so I can serve Jesus more and more.

Other things that are big but don't get a story about: I 'got' to stop suddenly one medicine and quadruple another medicine in one day; God provided. My iPhone died so I didn't have a phone for almost a month; I am now in the Andriod club. Classes are wonderful. BUSY, but fun! No international travel still, so no United States visit in 2020. My best friends here (A 'not' 6 year old and 6 year old) moved back to England, so this was our last time together until next time. (ETA: Christmas 2021!)

V gave everyone who came a sticker. Yes- I walked around the city all day with it.

Johnny, V, and myself

So-that's all I got for now. Praise the Lord for redemption, rest for your soul, Stateside friends, and most of all- Chik-fil-a forever in my heart. 

How do you even title this one? You don't.

This wasn't in the plan when moving to Peru. This wasn't supposed to be how I blog about being here one year. What does this look like living in Peru? Living thousands of miles from the States, and dad. 

July 15th I got tested and found out I tested positive for COVID. I had no symptoms except being very tired that week. My roommate and I got tested because one of her friends that comes over tested positive. 

I was pressing 'answer call' to talk to my sweet dietitian, Jenni. Pati had handed me the paper. I casually said oh so we are good? She started talking but all I saw was the word 'positivo'. I threw the paper on my bed, said cool, turned to the camera, mouthed 'I have COVID.' and laughed. (I told Pati I'd come back in 40 minutes because I was talking to my friend.) I turned to Jenni and might of said an unkind word about me having said virus whilst laughing. She laughed then said 'omg I am so sorry for laughing!!' I said well I started it so totally warranted. jeje ;) 

Me after being tested.

Cue alllllllllll afternoon/night talking around the world to everyone at Cultural, who was nothing but helpful, and freaking out. I reassured them I was ok, but I can imagine finding out the gringa has COVID was not in their plan either. We talked about them taking all my classes for the rest of the month. I said it was ok but they insisted. I have been brought my groceries, medicine, and art things I requested from Sandro too! Cultural has been nothing but helpful and all my buds here checking on me.

Now: I did every single thing 'right'. I left my house 1x a week. We sanitized and washed every time we left the house. I stayed in my room all the time except when I went to sit on the sidewalk to talk to AnaLu/Pao/Jenni. But COVID takes no consideration.

AnaLu and I talked about what the heck I am going to do to rejuvenate myself while staying mentally strong while my body processes this. We came up with great ideas, including doing art again! I loved art at Fairhaven, and did it some in the states, but life got in the way. So, I am excited to get back at it!

Can't wait to spend more time here when I can!

How do I feel? I mean really my symptoms are not bad! I am very tired. Very. Very. Tired. I cannot stay awake for more than 4/5 hours at a time. With caffeine and talking to fiends. Very confused/disassociating. Why? Stay tuned. Plus side I can breathe fine. I cough but I always cough so who knows what is what. I feel emotionally overwhelmed. I feel extremely sad my entire lifestyle has had to change drastically- yet again. I can't wait for that test in 2 weeks to tell me negative. That is the goal. 

Me zooming my best friends (Englishman friend Johnny and his 6 year old) here in AQP. Probably the highlight of all of July. They are some funny people clearly. 

 God has been really showing me and teaching me a lot about head knowledge to heart knowledge. And I think it was FOR this time. I am a touchy person. I haven't touched a person in over 125 days. I was craving it and AnaLu has been telling me that God provides all our needs-even physical ones. She always tells me God is embracing me and holding my hand in everything. And I truly started to believe it about a month ago. And God really is doing all of those things for me right now since no one else can. God is showing off and showing out in my heart and I couldn't be any more thankful. I don't understand why this is happening, but praise the Lord my therapist and Spanish teacher love Jesus. Pao said, '(this is a Sunday school answer) but God has a plan for everything and we don't know why now but maybe later. But He does.' and I was like ope truth girl. I am endlessly thankful to be able to jump into God's arms and KNOW He is there to catch me. Always.

 

Throwback to one year ago!

So, that's that. One year down. Many more to go in this beautiful place I call home.

It's June. That's all.

Another blog to say 'I want to eat food not at my house' but still can't. The only places I have stepped foot in since March are 3 types of places: 2 grocery stores, 1 bank, and pharmacies. Because that is all that is open LOL But I am liking the time to just--be. To spend time doing Spanish, lesson planning, and processing life. To spend time being by my self and growing.

Socks and flops-my 'look' inside.

Don't worry dad is still just as 'funny' as ever. 

I really enjoy videoing my people occasionally. (excluding Jenni, Pao, y AnaLu--duh they are the best part of each day. Well, them and sleep.) I am tired of social media yet cannot stay off. It is how I feel included back in the states.

Just a few of the many people from Pinelake Clinton I get to see every Sunday night.

I am really processing Christ in my life with AnaLu..or some places lack there of.

Within the Christian realm there is this thing of posting pics of a coffee cup, Bible, and journal with a Bible verse in the caption. I enjoy posting encouraging Bible verses because I want my brothers and sisters in Christ to be uplifted with me because His Word is Truth. While those moments are real, genuine, and intimate, there are also moments of choosing our flesh; having non-picturesque moments with Him. The moments of running from God because you don't want to acknowledge sin. Or not spending much/any time with Jesus that morning and the day is feeling the lack of Truth. 

I'm not here to tell you things that I am running from, the mornings I don't have Jesus time, or the places I am praying through allowing Jesus to enter. I AM here to tell you that being authentic about Jesus and I's relationship with AnaLu listening and challenging me, is one of the best decisions I have made here. It's hard, messy, emotional, breaking, and many other things. It is breaking every facet of my heart and putting it back together with Christ as the glue. But is also sweet, growing, progress, humbling, and many more. 

While Davis and I took a break walking back with our groceries. I walk back home 1.5 miles every Saturday with my groceries. Remember--no eating out so legit a week!

Realizing I had these headphones is one of the best parts of quarantine.

One thing I have been talking about with Jenni and AnaLu is my identity of being a runner and finding myself in that. And one ironic thing I realized is...the very identity I am trying to get away from is the one that I for so long couldn't accept-despite being. I truly couldn't call myself an athlete; despite having run 50 miles, doing a freaking Ironman, and having many podiums. But, it didn't happen overnight. It was months of people at Fairhaven encouraging me to seek identity outside my body--so I put it in running. And that was great then. It was all apart of the healing process. However, we are in the next 'step'. Of seeing that Christ calls me to His heart to love like Him and live out His Word. And that entails finding my identity in ONE place: His arms; heart; love; Word. I am grasping that if I could never run another step, though devastating it would be, that my inner self would never change because Christ in me never changes. 

Weekly workout dates with some Peruvian runner buds.

My classes are great. I feel like I am really figuring out virtual teaching, and decided I could do it long term, so I am not complaining haha. That's about it right? Jesus, running, teaching..yep.

I contemplated not sharing- but if it makes you feel uncomfortable that's your issues.
Because--I'm freaking hilarious.

Weeks upon weeks

My last blog was a month ago because there are so many words yet none. So many things stirring in my heart, yet day-to-day not too much thrill. The best parts are: my B 206 class, Bridget sending me nightly memes, and my Englishman BFF here and his sweet 6 year old sending me videos, memos, pics, music, art, dance shows, and when she gets the phone-emojis. My B 206 class is a teachers dream. We are transitioning to friends and will 'officially' be only friends as of Friday because they 'graduate'! (Y'all please feel free to call me Meg jaja) I know when Bridget is going to bed because my phone starts dinging with funny memes that I quite literally laugh out loud to. Maybe they are that funny. Maybe I just am that loco from quarantine. 

My B 205 class that became my B 206 with a few new friends who joined our party!

Most of the words come from discussions with AnaLu and/or Jenni (therapist and dietician). I have desired this perfect team for 5 years. It was worth waiting for. Most sessions with AnaLu involve a lot of her saying what Jesus is inviting me to, while holding space for all the messiness of life. And a lot of me eye rolling and developing humility to accept the boldness of our conversations. The perfect combo of Jesus, practicality, and delving into all the therapy stuff. With Jenni it's lots of her asking why, and challenging my eating disordered thoughts. And lots of me sighing because I see the skewedness where she is pointing out, and accepting the challenges- despite the feelings behind them. We (3) celebrate wins together, steps taken to be a better human, and also challenge the hardships that Satan puts in my head/anxiety brings into the relationship.
Oh we can't forget Spanish! It might not be 'deep' but Pao hears more randomness than both of them combined. She also lets me because I'm practicing Spanish so she hears all the things in my brain. (And she's too sweet to tell me to be quiet LOL) She knows all the things that are important only to me, but she reads and (hopefully?) likes hearing my funny/crazy/emotional stories. Like Kamp. Or Australia. (Pao--China and Canada are coming for you soon!) My homework is pretty open ended because she trusts me to do my homework because I ENJOY doing it-despite the 9587329 mistakes.

Aimless stories about that one time I was 2nd chair in all of Mississippi
and traveled to Australia. 

Church is so good. We are doing this study about going from hole hearted to WHOLE hearted people. Lots of conviction of seeing the bigness of God, the smallness of us, and the reliance that God designed us to have in Him. God has called us to not just go forward but GROW forward. We have talked about Saul (OT Saul), David, and Joseph. Living into our uniqueness like they did.
I love that my church is bold enough to talk about the emotional aspect that many Christians prefer to not address; the messiness of life. It's not healthy to not talk about all the things, and praise the Lord my church represents talking about life Spiritually, physically, and emotionally/mentally.

Session spot. And Spanish.
Actually more me laying on the concrete with my journal and Bible. 

On Saturdays I venture to Tottus and see either my American buddy, Davis, or my running buddy, Lucia. It's such a blessing to talk in person to a friend. I can't wait for the day I can run and give/receive hugs and kisses with everyone. (Note: When that day arrives--I don't apologize to all I come into contact with. I haven't hugged another human since February.) Otherwise, my days are: running in circles, lesson planning/homework, Pao/AnaLu, talking to buds on WhatsApp, and conversation club/classes. And ya know what? I'm content with it. Sure, I wish I could see/hug 'my people' in person. And sit inside Starbucks/Pizza Hut and journal my life away. But, this is the season we are in, so might as well make the most of it.

Cute headband at least. 

My hair is getting long...

So-that's that. That's where we are at. Quarantine is extended until at least June 30th. I hope to be able to see/hug some people in August. Until then. Hugs/kisses from afar. 

And the game continues

Well, Peru has two more weeks of government quarantine. I have lost count of how many we have had. Remember American friends. This means: no eating out--yes I am TIRED of making all my food. No going on the streets unless going to the grocery store, bank, or hospital/pharmacy because those are the only things open LOL. No human interaction, no kiss/hug/hand holding with people (I told AnaLu to be prepared when we do reunite I might never let go.). I can get on-board with online teaching if we are being honest though. I like being home. I like being semi-busy but not so crazy like pre COVID-19. I DO miss running. I miss being so tired from a long run it's all I can do to shower, eat, and fall into a nap. I miss jokes with my friends at school. I miss 'pizza Sunday'. But alas, one day it'll be there waiting for me.

When I leave my house this is my look: 'cute' shorts, mask, headphones.

Here is a funny for you. If you have spent any time with me at all, you know I am probably one of the loudest people you have met. Pao and I were in class and a guy sweetly comes up and tells me he can hear me in his apartment and asked me to talk quieter. 😂😂😂 I simply said oh I am so sorry, of course! Pao goes, Megannnn are you ok?? I said, yeah, why? She said, if someone said that to me I would be stressed out and nervous to talk at all! I laughed and said girl this is my entire life--you get used to it lol

A lot of people always ask me how Spanish is going. Well, let's say this. I CAN read the text below. However, the text says she cannot read my Spanish homework. 😂 Ya win some, ya lose some. However, I think I say this every blog, but it amazes me the more time goes on that she never loses her cool/shows annoyance. (Pao, if you are annoyed after class--I would be too if I was my teacher LOL)

One thing I have been talking with AnaLu about is--are habitual sins 'too far' in relation for God's grace. I have been reading His Word, listening to sermons, reading commentary, praying for His voice. And-wow. I gained that I am not forgiven based off my performance, but on Christ's. That habitual sins are not 'more serious', but simply 'serious'. All sin is deserving of eternal separation from God. And praise the Lord that I am covered with the blood of Jesus--forever. He will never--never let me go. That there is a difference between only apologizing for sin, but naming it, repenting of it, and telling God you don't want to engage in said sin again--and meaning it. Having faith that He can help you with all things and that you are not helpless!

Thanks to my Peruvian sister in Jesus that I have never met but love keeping up with for the post! <3 nbsp="" td="">

Oh. Classes are great. We have a blast. I look forward to talking to them. 

Another week. Kisses to my Peruvian friends. Can't wait to reunite.

What the what 2 weeks?

This blog is mostly for me. Something I haven't posted about because I wanted it to be just me and Jesus is. A bunch of girls from Instagram and myself read the New Testament in 2 weeks. It was so wonderful to get to experience so much of God's Word so quickly--to be able to gain a broad overview of everything.
So. This blog is me writing down my overview of each book. So I can always go back and remind myself what each book is about when I am looking for something specific. My favorite Gospel was John, and I grew an appreciation for Galatians, and Revelation always sparks my interest.
If you are just dying to read what I gained each book is about-read on. Otherwise. That's all.


Matthew 1-19
Jesus constantly taught. He performed more miracles than can be spoken. he trusted/knew the HS would show believers the parables. He intentionally spend time alone. Kingdom of God is emphasized.
Matthew 20-28
Vastness between 'Kingdom of God' and 'weeping/gnashing of teeth'. More parables about the Kingdom of Heaven. Descriptive of the process leading up to during His accusation/crucifixion. Multiple fulfillment of the OT fulfillment focuses. His post resurrection is short. All descriptive.
Mark 1-10
different perspective on parable AND new ones He asked lots of questions to the disciples to further their faith as Jesus proves who He is. Mentions females more. Goes over 10 commandments sporadically. Talks a LOT of fear (in the Lord).
Mark 11-16
Spoke of healing, and simple stories of Jesus' life. Less details than Matthew. Seems more laid back or 'common man' than Matthew. I felt the death-resurrection was more visual.
Luke 1-12
JTB foretelling told before Jesus. Just like JTB came before Jesus LOTS of quotes/praises/songs from various people-to be remembered. Speaks of miracles in a more chill fashion (real). Focuses on raising the dead. Mentions a lot how He spends time alone.
Luke 13-24
Parables about finding the lost. Authority is only in God--Jesus says. In death it didn't mention the veil being torn, but had other details. The great commission was longer/more in depth.
John 1-7 (personal favorite gospel)
He doesn't speak of any parables. Various miracles. Speaks of Jesus in different terms of who He is. Specifies 1/2 miracles in Galilee.
John 8-21
We are friends with God because He shares with us; NOT slaves. Uses the OT a bit for background/fulfillment of scripture references a bit. More HS focused. Election focused! The death-resurrection account is much different with details only found here. No mention of the ascension--Acts does it.
Acts 1-4
Focuses a lot on unification of God's people/believers. Starts with preaching to non-believers but ended with encouraging/teaching believers.
Acts 5-22
Detailed miraculous stores. Oh-ascension. I can picture the stories (visual). HS focused (11). Paul preaches to all the people! LOTS of ALL people believing in all  the places. 'It is more blessed to give than receive.'--only quote from Jesus outside the Gospels.
Acts 23-28
Paul on trial, but was not killed because a Roman by birth. Tells his conversion story multiple times. He still preaches during it all of the resurrection.
James 1-5
God doesn't bring temptation but helps us through it. Faith without good works is useless. The tongue cannot serve 2 motives at one time. WISDOM comes from God. Humble yourself before God; feel sad for your sin. Prayer has mighty power and confession.
1 Peter 1-5
Prepare your minds for action and exercise self-control. We are chosen, royal, HIS possession. I am free in Jesus' love; His slave! (2:16) Living for Christ when wars rage. Submit in marriage and laws. OT is used often to back up prophesies. Suffering for Jesus. I suffered in Ed in the past and God has come for it. Trials happen-don't be surprised. Satan is real-stand firm in His grace.
2 Peter 1-3
Follow the pattern of 1:5-7 to live in Jesus. Keep your eyes on the Bible. False teachers twist the Truth. God is harder on those with sexual immorality and pride. Be on guard for the coming of the Lord.
1 Corinthians 1-16
God uses alternate ways to show His wisdom. You are God's building/temple. Boast in HIS power; not yours. All things are allowed but not all are good. RUN from sexual sin. Woman and man serve each other in marriage. Singleness serves God well. All food is ok; watch out for your fellow brother to not cause sin. Do what is best for all. Share in the Lord's supper with the right heart. The body works together LOVE is most important. tongues/prophecy done in order. Death has NO sting.
2 Corinthians 1-5
God is with us as we serve Him. Forgive because we are made new. New covenant--no veil needed--FREEDOM! We are not overtaken by the world. We cannot wait for new bodies because we are a new creation.
2 Corinthians 6-13
Godly sorrow brings repentance of sin. Give eagerly, but wisely. Boast in your weakness to show Jesus; power. Thorns in flesh--kept him humble--me too. 12:13-hilarious!
Galatians 1-6
One Good news-from Christ. Die to the law--made right with God! We has the HS not from the law, but CHRIST! God's promise to Abraham belongs to me. The law was designed to last only until Jesus. Because I am God's child, I am an hear. FREEDOM in Christ without circumcision; live with freedom for you AND others. HS given fruit. Do good-ALWAYS-living in everlasting love from HS.
Ephesians 1-6
I am chosen in Christ. I was dead.BUT GOD-gave us life through Christ. I am saved by GRACE-a GIFT- my works do not save me!! Jews and gentiles are one in Him. Humility of that and having Christs's love. The Spirit redeems my corruption. God is Light in me-expose darkness. Wives and husbands relationship like Christ and the church Armor of God fights evil powers.
Philippians 1-4
Living means living for Christ, dying is better to be in His presence. One day ALL will see Jesus as Lord. DO ALL with the mind and attitude of Christ. All else is worthless comparing to knowing Christ. Press on to Christ's perfection. I am a citizen of heaven Joy continual comes from Jesus. Keep your eyes higher focused. Contentment in ALL phases of life.
Colossians 1-4
Endure. Christ is the Trinity. Continue on because He rescued us from darkness. Chris circumcised our hearts. I have new life. Christ stripped my old life. Do all as if representing Christ. Live wisely. Pray fervently for believers.
1 Thessalonians 1-5
BIG faith. Paul overviews their time together. Life is given to Paul knowing they are staying strong. Purity in sexual sin. The dead will rise first. we live in Him. Do all as He has instructed and encouraged.
2 Thessalonians 1-3
Prayers during persecution. Jesus will slay those who do counterfeit in the last days. STAND FIRM. Be careful with idle Christians; encourage them.
1 Timothy 1-6
God is merciful. Pray with Jesus interceding. Women be submissive. Pastors/deacons held to higher standard. Train Spiritually like physically. The reward is coming. Be all in. Guidelines for widows. Sins/deeds revealed at various times. The heart of money is the root of all evil.
2 Timothy 1-4
Be faithful. The GOSPEL has been fulfilled! He broke death. He gives us His Spirit--fruit. The Word of God cannot be chained. He is ALWAYS faithful. Work for God; not man. Persecution is when, not fun, but this book is God-breathed. Preach His work without ceasing.
Titus 1-3
Reprimand false teachers. Live like you teach. The response to God's grace is right conduct. Don't forget where you came from (recovery!!) and praise the Lord for His grace to save us and have confidence in Him.
Philemon 1
Onesimus had to make amends with Philemon, and Paul asked him to accept it.
1 John 1-5
Confession leads to repentance and God ALWAYS forgives with that-even habitual sings-with repentance (GRACE!). New and old command, love one another. You cannot love the world and God at the same time. Deny Christ and you deny the Father-Antichrist. We know love because of Jesus. GOD IS LOVE! I defeat evil with faith. Life is through the Son. He hears us and gives us what pleases us (in His will-for our good.) LOVE.
Hebrews 1-13
TRINITY!! Moses was good; Jesus was the best. Jesus and I have the same Father. Rest comes from Him. Jesus understands and still didn't sin. He is an anchor for my soul. He is Melchizedek order forever. Not Levi, the law was weak;imperfect. He is the High Priest. New covenant! Christ is the perfect sacrifice. Sacrifice needed ONE time in the new covenant, because old covenant was weak and Jesus overcame it. Persevere through tribulation. People in the OT had FAITH. Discipline is love. Receive encouragement in faith.
2/3 John
Live in love--doing what God commands. Follow what is good (good acts).
Jude
False teachers abound BUT we are called to remain faithful, and God keeps us until the end.
Revelation 1-11
John knew to write letters to the 7 churches from a vision, so he did. They talked about what the did right and wrong and to 'all who are victorious'. Vision of heaven; breath taking (ch. 4) Only Jesus was worthy to open the scrolls. Heaven worshiped. He broke all 7 scrolls where 7 different colored horses delivered good or bad. BUT God's people are preserved. The 7th seal opened the 7 trumpets that brought plague, but 5/6/7 trumpets brought 3 terrors. Encouragement for believers before 7th trumpet/3rd terror--Antichrist. Believers in heaven excited for justice.
Revelation 12-22
A woman gave birth and the dragon wanted the kid. Then a war in heaven, and Satan lost and God spoke. The dragon was thrown to Earth. Then a beast joined, and was given power. Christians might be gone. Another beast joined. But the Lamb comes. And sent 3 angels to say to fear God. God's people will faithfully endure. Might leave, then judgement/final battle. Heaven celebrates. The seven bowls of wrath happen. People still don't repent. The prostitute tries to take over, but God prevails. Babylon is destroyed. Praises that evil will be defeated. And. It was. Thrown into Hell. The beast, dragon, false prophet, and those still against God. Satan is defeated after the thousand year reign. New place--perfect. (20-wow)
Romans
All see God, but some disregard and live for themselves. Judgement is coming, so be a DOER and not just listener. ALL people are not righteous, BUT Jesus came to commune us to God. FAITH of Abraham--STRONG. Faith brings JOY. Adan sinned so all have sinned. Jesus died so all are forgiven if in His elect. Sins power is broken. I am now a slave of Christ and not my sinful flesh. The law reveals sin. I do what my flesh/sinful nature wants, though my Spirit wants God. 2 different parts happening. BUT in Jesus there is no condemnation! We wait for Him-His love has no bounds. God chooses not by decedents, and shows mercy to who He chooses (10:9). We are grafted into His family tree. Belonging to Christ. Do all in how Di would see it. Follow the law of your country. Love and love in the Light. All foods are OK in His sight!!!! But not respecting other believers conviction is sin. All the  greetings and watch for false teachers. Glory to God in all.

Contentment, recovery, and the new member of Spanish class with 4 legs.

If you are within the 'Christianese' language, you probably are familiar with Philippians 4:13. 'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.'
Yes. BUT. What is the context of this verse? Let me help you; short back story. Paul wrote this in prison waiting to hear if he would be executed. Before this he talks of all seeing Christ as Lord, doing all with the mind and attitude of Christ. That all else is worthless comparing to knowing Christ. Pressing onto His perfection because as a Christ follower, I am a citizen of heaven. Joy continual comes from Jesus. Keeping your eyes higher focused.
THEN.

So my hair is getting long. My friends adore it.
I'll see how long I let this go. 

We come to 4:10-14. He is so thankful the Philippians have been so concerned for him, however they were unable to help. But that is ok because Paul learned to be CONTENT with ALL things. Rich, poor; house, jungle; food, no food; healthy, sick; prison, free. BECAUSE he can do all things through Christ who gives him the strength. The same applies for us right now. Oh what a time to have this realization.
Joy seems to be lacking. Paul counted it nothing but an honor to suffer for Christ.
Having the eyes of Christ is growing tougher. Stephen (the first martyr), as he was being stoned to death, prayed for those killing him to be forgiven.
So much worth is being placed on things. Jesus made clear in his teachings' that in order to follow Him we must give up all and just--go.
Not giving up seems harder and harder each day. In Acts there are so many accounts of God's people going and sharing and being persecuted, and yet going back over and over because their eyes were fixed on higher things.

'nuff said.

One thing I am learning and processing is recovery being rooted in Christ. Specifically eating disorder recovery. Accepting Christ is IN Ed recovery is something I have intentionally ignored/put off/been in denial about/defensive if brought up. (Sorry AnaLu...😳) Something I have been processing is the difference between self control and willpower. I have always been under the impression I can't do either with Ed and oh how wrong I was. The difference? Willpower is the absence of Christ, and self control is a fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-23) So, there's that. Praying through any other maladaptive behavior and praying through Ed behaviors are starting to look the same, and that's pretty eye opening that is changing my life one prayer at a time, one coping skill, one session, one text; one of many things that God provides for us as a way out. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

In other news, I spend hours a day outside so I am getting a tan, and have now made this dog friend. His owners let him run around the grassy area on a long leash everyday.

El perrito. Sometimes he has clothes on too.

My Spanish teacher, Pao, adores him. She always says in the highest pitch voice you can imagine, 'LIIIIIIIINDO!!!' If you know me at all you know my reaction is *eye roll*, "Oh my goshhhhhh", and repeat the pattern multiple times. One thing I am immensely thankful for is that I see either AnaLu or Pao every week day. Spanish class feels kinda like therapy because dear Pao hears so much. (Lo siento...pero no lo siento Pao. 😋) Then of course #analoowoo. At least AnaLu knew craziness would occur. Anyways, God has sure blessed me insurmountably.

The face Pao gets following her excitement. 

Peru's plan for quarantine? I donno. Stay tuned. For now I am thankful for my Saturday shopping trips with my American buddy, Davis! I am thankful for technology to let me do so many things to stay connected. I am thankful to be here and wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world. 

This is Peru. This is home. 

May His presence go before you. And a dog who joined Spanish class.

Day?? Week?? of government enforced quarantine. Still intense as ever. The end.

I have so many things that I have learned, gained, grown in, struggled with, cried over, laughed over, and ultimately worshiped God about; standing in awe of who He is, and still doing.

I love carrying back groceries 1.5 miles (2.5 km).

Pao and I made a new friend one afternoon; he was with us the whole Spanish class.
She said, 'LINDOOOO'. I said: 😐🙅

There is this song that has been all the rage in the Christian music realm: 'The Blessing'. PINELAKE did a cover of it (Listen while you read.) and oh my gracious; I couldn't even. Something #analoowoo tells me all the freaking time is how God is in me, around me, beside me, through me. And...the bridge is exactly that. Jesus being everywhere. He is with you; He is for you. He loves you. He loves me. He loves His creation. I hear about that about 38975987 times a session, and more texts than not surrounding His love. And it seriously began to annoy me. Yikes. But oh my am I so thankful she kept pouring into me God's love for me in my heart. The more I hear it, the more I embrace that Truth internally. What a blessing to have someone speak Truth into you even when you don't want it. What lasting Truth: that God loved the world so much that He gave us Jesus to have communion with Him for eternity.

This quarantine has given me so many things: Spanish homework (I like speaking with Pao. Only her; don't @ me.), spending time with God and His word, more time videoing friends, too much time on social media, more time sitting outside, less time stressing. New perspectives. New appreciation for eating out y'all. (My American friends: I haven't eaten out in over a month with no hope in sight to see it again.) Less plans (which always makes me happy), new realizations of how introverted I really am.

It also initially took one of the most important parts of me: running. I have had plantar fasciitis for almost 4 weeks; I have not run/worked out in almost 4 weeks. I say 'initially' took because through this I have gained more than ever possible without this happening. I am learning how to handle myself without that. Learning that recovery can still happen with or without following the impulse to run. I miss it sometimes, but overall God is blessing me with a peaceful Spirit.

Clearly I was thinking LINDO as well.

Jesus time+tea=every morning.

Easter 2020 was a memorable one; like Easter 2017. (Shout out to Bridget for being my celebrate Jesus being risen while being at treatment buddy! We dyed eggs, made Easter baskets, dressed up for church, and had a 'perfect recovery meal' picnic after. Pretty sure now we'd smash some pizza or Mexican and call it a day. Oh how our recovery journeys have come so far.) Anyways, Easter 2017 was incredibly special in such a blissful way; 2020 was so different. I cried the first 20 minutes of church. Over wishing I was with my friends at Pinelake, with Renee', being able to go and spend time at the Rez. I then did Spanish homework (which I genuinely love), and my bud, Jason, texted me to watch Passion City church, so I logged in. They helped me recenter in that Easter isn't about who I am with; Easter is not about how I feel. Easter is about that Jesus is ALIVE. That Truth astounds me. We serve a RISEN Savior y'all. What beauty. In the happiness and sorrow that Truth remains the same. And that is the most beautiful Truth we can ever have.
And THIS worship video brought me to tears the first 345234 times. Ok it might still sometimes. No shame. (King of Kings Pinelake virtual style.)

My one outing a week-going to Tottus. Note the new accessory-the cute face mask. 

What a time of life y'all. One. In. A. Million. 

Not even keeping an official count

Well, quarantine week 3 going strong. I feel like I have done nothing, yet so much. My days include either a Spanish class with Pao or session with AnaLu, and then class 350-7. My last class of the day I had last cycle, so let's just say we have a blast together. I miss seeing their faces, hearing their voices, and oh the teachers in the lounge and I making jokes. (Brian and Jose' Luis looking at you especially.)

I usually use my pictures to guide my blogs, but all I have are funny memes and occasional selfies of myself and Scooby.

As seen here.

I see the states is starting to catch on to that people don't care about people in general, and need some guidance in not going out. Whereas over here, we now have specific days to go out based on gender! Police and military literally line the streets questioning you. I am allowed out Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Peru is a pretty smart place. Some American's were stranded in Peru for a few weeks (no flights in, out, around Peru). However, you can apply to be apart of bringing #Americanshome. They did and immediately were appalled at how little the states is doing. Sorry Trump, I will not be coming back to the States. We have less than 2k infected; y'all have over 300k. #truth 

We now wash our hands AND get hand sanitizer before entering the grocery store.
(Along with all the other things that the states is just now realizing needs to happen. Can you tell my bitterness towards the States?)

 I had such an intimate experience Sunday, April 5th. I have been doing church online almost 9 months, so it's nothing new to me. However, for everyone else it's a new experience. Especially then. Why? It was Palm Sunday, so we did communion. All of us; at home; together. So, I had my Inka Cola and a Dorito. (People had pop-tarts and chocolate milk so don't @ me. In front of Jesus representing His body and blood-whatever works.) Anyways, the sermon was about Him being our advocate and the blessings we ALWAYS have. I have access to God's treasures through the Spirit. We are never alone; that one stuck with me. So, we do communion and I am really not one that cries in church, until coming to Peru HA. Anyways, I was so overwhelmed with the Truth that, I might've come over here solo, but I am far from being alone. He is RIGHT here with me. As I learn to sit with myself without running, not having human touch for over 3 weeks; as no one (simply because you are in the States) can understand medicationally the situation all this has put me in. He is here providing for me. He is teaching me oh so much. Praise the Lord for this Inka Cola and Dorito. I didn't think my first communion in Peru would be in the confinements of my bedroom with some soda and a chip, but I wouldn't change a thing.

So, it's going! TBH my happily medicated buddies and I all chuckle that we are the ones that are doing the best. So, to all of you who are experiencing immense anxiety/depression symptoms; I'm sorry. I'm sorry you have to understand what we are talking about. I'm sorry that your brain is rebelling against you. My two cents: give yourself grace; you deserve it. REACH OUT. Remember the world is in a pandemic and this is your (and mine) first time having all of these reactions; first time not having people; not leaving. REACH OUT. Remember this is temporary. REACH OUT. Find joy in the small things. As small as the heat from your coffee cup in your hand; the coldness of a soda. REACH OUT. Help your people help you. (I count for all records.)

Like these people. 9 months too long since I've seen you and my bike, Pom. 

Much love and virtual hugs to my American buddies and kisses to my Peruvians sent from Ave. La Paz. <3 nbsp="" p="">