She is finally back!

I haven't blogged in so long, I don't even know where to start. Do I talk about 2021? 2022? 2023? Do I talk about the darkness that engulfed me for so many months? Or the healing that is being found with my new therapist? And what is up with all the protests? (newsflash: Peruvians be crazy.)
Instead of giving an overview, I think I'll just pick up where I am at in life right now.

Every year I pick a word of what I want to define my year. This year is no different. 
My word: hard.
Now. You are probably thinking 'wow that is a downer to WANT a hard year.' But just hang on a second and lemme explain.

I want any and everything I do to be *done* hard. Love hard. Play hard. Work hard. Recover hard. Fight hard. Laugh hard. Therapize hard. Deconstruct hard.
You get the picture.
I want to look back on this year and see the majesty of healing. I hope I spend the whole year in Peru.

I want to show off how well I'm doing in eating disorder recovery by showing off how organized my fridge is every week. I meal prep on weekends, and bring my lunch to school all week. I even have lunch buddies!! (My room is a mess, so don't think I have *all* my shit together.)

The question everyone is wondering; how is my mental health? I'd rate a solid 7 out of 10. I have a mundane day-to-day life. Go to school. Do Spanish. Various therapy appointments. Sleep; weekends I rest a lot, and prepare for the following week. My Bipolar disorder comes to play every once in a while, but it's just a day or two, and then subsides. Overall I am a stable human being, and endlessly thankful for it too.

I enjoyed my time with AnaLu, but every chapter has to have an ending. I have a new main therapist; Karin. She lives in Brazil on a farm! She likes bugs, and according to my friend Dee, has 'kind eyes'. (I still have Stateside Karen for check-ins.) Yes. I have KarIn and KarEn. So they are named 'Brazil Karin' and 'Stateside Karen'. Brazil Karin and I do a LOT of IFS (Internal Family Systems) stuff. I get to seek Self, talk with Little Meg, and explore all the parts of my system with Karin. It's so healing. 😍

 

I got my hair cut!! 

Oh I have a new job! I work at Change. It's still an English teaching school, just a smaller, more individualized place. Here are some of my co-workers and I going out for drinks. (For all my friends worried about med compliance- it's a mocktail.) We are on week 8 out of 10 of summer camp; imagine over 2 months of VBS y'all. I'm TIRED; it's so fun.

So. It's going. It's not stopping, and I don't want it to. I hope I never *fully* forget the darkness that entangled me, so that the hope of there being a new day will never fade.