Heart Ramblings

I think my heart has a really hard time of letting go of people; of life experiences.  I love doing, and meeting, but ultimately I am a relationship person.  These 'short' mission trips are truly not for me.  Why?  Because I will go to any extent to simply get to see people I shared life with again.  My friend Liv that I went to East Asia with last Christmas and I are going to drive 9 hours to see some wonderful people of the Lord we met over in those parts.  I am simply dying to see their faces, give them a huge hug (you know certain people give awesome hugs-ok this lady is one of those!), and see their beautiful children.  Also in less than 2 months I will get on a plane to see some other people I shared almost 3 times as much life with this summer.  I notice most people don't really do things this crazy and it really makes me question myself; but then I just always am ok with it, get in the car, buy the ticket, and just go with it!  I am SO pumped for this trip to TX with Olivia my CIC room mate and dear friend, and can't wait to see what comes of it (maybe a spur of the moment trip across the ocean :D)

We don't take many pictures; but here is us in our room!

This week at KT meeting our entire tribe was for sure revolutionized.  I will spare details only because I feel it is crossing a line from blog world conversation, to face conversation.  (Rant:  as much as I like blogging I still desire face conversations-this is one of those)  So anyways this alumni came to our meeting to do our devotional, and I can safely say NO ONE in that room was prepared for what she was going to share with us.  It was simply astonishing how one girls sins, can turn into such God-given words of amazing.  I feel much closer to my sisters and I didn't even say anything!  Our new phrase is #runlikehell and it's basically the best thing to say at a time like this.  It's also cool because I just love my friends at MC.  I don't really have a 'circle' of friends, but rather a friend or two from multiple circles to create the best friends I could ever ask for.

Ok one more rambling.  I am ready to get out of college and just GO.  I have so many crazy plans of what I want to do after school it's genuinely hard for me to have my whole heart here in Clinton all the time.  Especially since I don't know when my next mission trip is.  Thanks Music Edu. for having so many dang classes I have to take not one but TWO full summer's of classes.  I know that Clinton and Jackson needs Jesus just as much as Africa or East Asia, but I am perfectly content with going to spend a year in Africa or some crazy country and being ecstatic for the experience.  Instead I am going to go to Passion and give money for other people to go.  Is it selfish of me to yearn to be the one going?  Oh well-it's true.

So overall life is great.  I am ready for the adrenaline rush moments that are coming up!

I can't wait list for Ottawa!

*WARNING THIS IS A BLOG POST OF ME RANTING ABOUT HOW EXCITED I AM TO GO TO OTTAWA IN 55 DAYS AND A LIST OF EVERYTHING I CAN'T WAIT TO DO!*

Summer Ottawa; I can't wait to have a reoccurring pictures of  Winter Ottawa!

I bought my plane ticket to go to Ottawa for a week this Christmas!!  I can hardly believe in less than 2 months I will get back on a place and go back to where I spent the best 2 months of my life.  I think I am more excited to go this time because I know what to expect.  I know how amazing everyone is; I am not nervous to be accepted or nervous of whether or not the family I will live with will like me.  I already know that the people are simply like none other and my family is spectacular.  I can hardly wait to see Lillie, Caleb, and Hannah again; to speak to Lillie and hear her words, see Caleb go to school and read him wonderful children's books, and see Hannah run around the house.  So many new things in their life that it is stunning.  I can't wait to see Carrie and J.  I lived with them; meaning I saw all aspects of life in a 2 month span which was thrilling.  I can't wait to ride the OC transpo (ok maybe that part isn't exactly rainbows and unicorns) but to get to go see my friends up there; to ride it to go to !group.  I can't wait to say 'eh?' and my o's like a northerner.  I genuinely still think 'eh' on a daily basis and sometimes my o's come out.  I can't wait to have Timmy's!!

Timmys! 

 I oddly enough can't wait to not have my phone for 8 days.  To not have it as a distraction while socializing with friends.  It's weird because while I was there all I could talk about were my best friends, major, KT, and job and how awesome they all are.  Now being back in it all, all I can think about is how amazing my !groups were, and how I loved the kids and families up at C!C.  So I can't wait to go back and get to re-experience my life in Ottawa that I so loved for 2 months.  I can't wait to have a crazy dance party with my family.  I can't wait to go back to !group for a week and hear J preach again.

The fact we get to have this picture become reality is shocking!

I can't wait to do so many things everyone told me is really fun to do in the winter but no one thought I would ever get the opportunity to; I do now! My favorite I have heard is to get to ICE SKATE ON THE CANAL!  As in-a real body of water.  That it being so cold it's hard enough to have a business of ice skating; simply ridiculous to my southern roots.  To get to have beavertail or hot chocolate while chilling (literally haha) on the canal. I also can't wait to get to have awesome home cookin' from mama's up there who KNOW their kitchen.  As weird as it is I can't wait to help Carrie around the house.  I simply loved getting to live in a going household and being a part of it all.  I can't wait to experience true cold weather.  Though I have being in East Asia last Christmas; I know Ottawa will be vastly different since it's on the same continent and there will be snow!   I can't wait to sleep in a house with 3 kids and wake up to snow and just throw on some clothes and play outside and throw them around.  With that; I can't wait to see 3 kids under 5 in INTENSE snow clothes (I'm laughing thinking about ALL of the C!C kids in their coats probably bigger than mine!

You are the God of this city...in a summer sunset and a winter wonderland.

I had a dream that I was back up there with my C!C friends and family and we were ice skating on the canal and it was just pure bliss.  I can't wait to see that dream become reality.

I feel an ice skating party coming on! (the picture on my computer messed up)

OK I think I said 'I can't wait...' about 56464653 times-but hey-I warned you :)

Vision of God

So this is a short blog because you NEED to listen to this song.  I went out with one of my new-found best friends for sure.  I NEVER expected to be so close to this wonderful girl.  However the Lord had other plans-it seems to always go this way in my life.  I intensely judged her freshman year off of looks -and I genuinely apologize Kendall for it!!  You are a wonderful friend and sister in Christ I am incredibly thankful for :)  She reminds me of my friends at C!C-so real, and genuine; it's refreshing.  So we went to chic-fil-a for a friend date-I love those as we know.  And we were talking and she was telling me a way she has started viewing God.  And it is revolutionizing my view and persona of God.  I have never thought of God being my romancer; that I am genuinely full without a guy.  This is a lie I know and have always been taught; but am ready-ok He is leading (dragging really) me to grasp this truth in my heart.  Now-this is not an overnight thing but I am excited to start to ponder Him in this way.  It is staring tonight and this song is pretty much perfect for it all.

overwhelmed with being overflowed

My.  Life.  Is.  Awesome.
I went home-Yes-as in Gulfport.  I was home for 3 wonderful days.  Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday until lunch time.  I got to celebrate my Grandmother's 90th birthday with some of my family and it was awesome to have 3 generations of people in the same room.  We don't know how many more times it will happen, so I am so thankful to have been so close to my grandmother for as long as I will have the opportunity.  Then of course the fact that she will get to go join the choir in heaven worshiping the Lord is simply stunning.  She has severe dementia, so she doesn't know anyone, or pretty much anything.  It's sad, but she is happy and it makes it much easier to watch.
I got to go to my home church-BVBC and see my church family that has helped me become in Christ who I am today.  To get to tell them of what the Lord did this summer through me and in me was awesome.
Monday I got to see lots of people I haven't seen since May and it was beautiful reuniting's. 
Tuesday I did absentee voting and voted for Mitt Romney! WHOOP! :)

Yesterday I was walking to strings class with my new found friend, Kirk.  Here is how it happened from real life and then in **'s is what was going on in my head.
Kirk:  Have you been invited to Shawreth informal?
Me:  Nope!  *OHMYGOSH I am about to be asked to my first boy event at MC!*
Kirk:  Oh-well would you like to go with me to informal?
Me:  Yes!  Just let me know the dates please!  *AHHHHHHH first boy event!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. Ok self.  don't freak him out-keep it cool.  AHHHH!  NO-keep it cool.*
No.  Lie.  It was hilariously wonderful.
I am super excited to go with such a great guy of the Lord.  He tells me random things he is learning or that he really appreciates about creation; it makes my heart happy to know guys like that genuinely exist.
Kirk is a music education major-percussion.  Slightly hippie.  Quiet but not too quiet.  Yup-cool dude.

Also yesterday my Canadian family e-mailed me.  I e-mailed them saying how much I miss them and how cool it would be if I could come up there for Christmas break for a week.  They replied saying how they would love for me to and what not.  So-I am REALLY hoping it will all work out.  It will be expensive; so no more eating out or pretty much doing things that cost $!  But-that week will be so worth it! I can hardly believe I have the opportunity to see my C!C family again.  They have impacted my life so dramatically that I just want to cry from happiness. I probably will when I see my family I lived with! :) 63 days and counting!

Yesterday was pretty much the best day of the whole semester for sure.  I just had so many positive emotions I was just incredibly overwhelmed with life itself.  I called Michelle and she was just ranting how cool it is of how my cup is overflowing at the perfect time.  We perform the musical this weekend and next weekend 6 times so I am going to be so tired.  However I have so many great things happening it doesn't even matter.  And the musical within itself is simply amazing.  However life is so great I kind-of forgot that we open tonight!  I know I will blog more about the musical when my mind is not as freaking out over the two awesome things that occurred yesterday!

I'm not that girl.

God's doing some smacking me in the face this past-I don't know how long.  As you have read-I am a double music education major-trumpet and voice.  I am an RA, in 9 things to learn music for, one being the musical=wonderfully life consuming, but I had to drop KT which breaks my heart!  Safe to say-this is physically no way possible to genuinely do all these things 100%-happily.  I know the Lord created each one of us differently and I have different life desires than other people.  My desire is not ONLY music.  That is a major part, but there IS life outside of Aven -this I have not really seen much of this year and to be honest I can't stand it.  I miss my hall, I miss KT, and I miss having FUN with what I do.  I attempted to tell myself, "Self-you WILL like double majoring"-but that faded quickly as the semester picked up.  So then my stupid pride got in the way of me telling anyone because most everyone didn't think I could do it.  So I wanted to be THAT kid (so selfish) that DID the impossible.  I am here to tell you; I am NOT that girl.

 I am dropping trumpet music education and I wish I could say I have some crazy peace about it-but I don't.  What I do know is that when you don't enjoy practicing-or dread going to certain rehearsals-that is a problem.  What I do know is that I love putting effort into voice and piano and that is enough for me.
I can hardly believe that I went through so much trouble to get to this point to drop it within a few months.  But it was indeed worth the try, and answered my questions of if I could do it and still maintain my life-NO.
With that I am now going back active into KT and I could not be more happier!  I am getting to spend more time on my hall, and getting to have more 'dates' with people.

KT sisters with the new babies!

Something else I have been learning is what genuine beauty looks like.  As we all know-I dress exactly how I want, and don't ask if it looks 'cute'.  Monday I had my office hour and it's the one day a week for 1/2 a day I dress how other people tell me to; for an office.  Afterwards I put on a 'normal' outfit, and one of my friends, Kendall, saw me in the caf and told me that though I was pretty and all in my dress, that I was much more beautiful in my outfit then-consisting of athletic pants, a shirt, scarf, headband, and some sandals.  I don't know why -but it started an overflow in my heart that beauty for each person looks different.  I genuinely feel much more 'me' and beautiful in my leggings, nike shorts, tie-die shirt, crazy shoes and fun headband, than I do in a dress and flats.  Some girls feel beautiful in a pretty dress and jewelry.  However-again the phrase comes back- I am not that girl.

my 'twins' Becca and Kendall 

As a side note a few weeks ago I got the pleasure of going to Memphis with my best friends to see my favorite band:  Shane and Shane.  Now their new CD holds a special place in my heart because I learned the whole thing in Ottawa-my favorite place.  The song, "Liberty" was my favorite dance song with my family, so every time I hear it I yearn to just grab Lillie, Hannah, or Caleb and spin with them.  When it says, "It is done!" It is SUCH a moment of pure abandon-it was awesome and yet bittersweet.

front and center-no zoom