I'm not that girl.

God's doing some smacking me in the face this past-I don't know how long.  As you have read-I am a double music education major-trumpet and voice.  I am an RA, in 9 things to learn music for, one being the musical=wonderfully life consuming, but I had to drop KT which breaks my heart!  Safe to say-this is physically no way possible to genuinely do all these things 100%-happily.  I know the Lord created each one of us differently and I have different life desires than other people.  My desire is not ONLY music.  That is a major part, but there IS life outside of Aven -this I have not really seen much of this year and to be honest I can't stand it.  I miss my hall, I miss KT, and I miss having FUN with what I do.  I attempted to tell myself, "Self-you WILL like double majoring"-but that faded quickly as the semester picked up.  So then my stupid pride got in the way of me telling anyone because most everyone didn't think I could do it.  So I wanted to be THAT kid (so selfish) that DID the impossible.  I am here to tell you; I am NOT that girl.

 I am dropping trumpet music education and I wish I could say I have some crazy peace about it-but I don't.  What I do know is that when you don't enjoy practicing-or dread going to certain rehearsals-that is a problem.  What I do know is that I love putting effort into voice and piano and that is enough for me.
I can hardly believe that I went through so much trouble to get to this point to drop it within a few months.  But it was indeed worth the try, and answered my questions of if I could do it and still maintain my life-NO.
With that I am now going back active into KT and I could not be more happier!  I am getting to spend more time on my hall, and getting to have more 'dates' with people.

KT sisters with the new babies!

Something else I have been learning is what genuine beauty looks like.  As we all know-I dress exactly how I want, and don't ask if it looks 'cute'.  Monday I had my office hour and it's the one day a week for 1/2 a day I dress how other people tell me to; for an office.  Afterwards I put on a 'normal' outfit, and one of my friends, Kendall, saw me in the caf and told me that though I was pretty and all in my dress, that I was much more beautiful in my outfit then-consisting of athletic pants, a shirt, scarf, headband, and some sandals.  I don't know why -but it started an overflow in my heart that beauty for each person looks different.  I genuinely feel much more 'me' and beautiful in my leggings, nike shorts, tie-die shirt, crazy shoes and fun headband, than I do in a dress and flats.  Some girls feel beautiful in a pretty dress and jewelry.  However-again the phrase comes back- I am not that girl.

my 'twins' Becca and Kendall 

As a side note a few weeks ago I got the pleasure of going to Memphis with my best friends to see my favorite band:  Shane and Shane.  Now their new CD holds a special place in my heart because I learned the whole thing in Ottawa-my favorite place.  The song, "Liberty" was my favorite dance song with my family, so every time I hear it I yearn to just grab Lillie, Hannah, or Caleb and spin with them.  When it says, "It is done!" It is SUCH a moment of pure abandon-it was awesome and yet bittersweet.

front and center-no zoom