Contentment year

Well since 2016 is coming and I have been so anti-climatic this holiday season I decided to at least throw out one more blog.  Because...it's been a month.  Oops.

There are so many things I could tell you.  I could tell you about work, running, friends, drama..but. Not today.  I'll save that.

Today we shall focus on contentment.  So many people are striving to not be 'content' while others are blindly searching for it, all the while not realizing it.  Christians claim that contentment can be 'wrong', while moralistically good people thrive off of their lives being that way.  So.  I decided I wanted a middle ground.  I follow Hannah Brencher and am kinda friends with her (YAH!) and she recently posted a blog about contentment and her quest for it and this is where my thoughts began. 

This is where I started pondering my upcoming year.  And quite honestly it's a whole lot of certain uncertainty.  I can tell you I'm not going to school.  I'm not going to Peru.  I'm gonna run some marathons.  I'm gonna love FF.  I'm gonna invest until I can't anymore.  And.  I'm gonna thrive in my content bubble.

My New Year's resolution is to live each day to the fullest; to be content where I am.  To love recklessly.  To accept that this might not be 'the year', but just will be 'another year' and that is exactly how I want my 24th year to be.  Because I firmly believe that when I strive to simply live in each day; growth where I need it will happen.  I'm not looking to 'where I want to be by the end of 2016', because who knows what life will throw at you in the midst of it.  I can SURE say I'm not where I figured I would be at the end of 2015, but I sure would never change a piece of it.  I'm not supposed to have it figured out.  I should be living paycheck to paycheck.  I want to simply BE and BE OK within that vastness.  The growth is inevitable, but I'm sure not going to plan it.  I can't wait to see what it looks like, but I want to EXPERIENCE it, and not predetermine it.

I mean dang I can't believe I conquered a 50 miler ultra running race and an Ironman.  This was supposed to be 'the year', and I can tell you it's simply 'another year'; that's OK.  Another year of learning happened, and I will strive for 365 more days of that.

All my buddies (and no judgment to you reading) have all these resolutions every year, and let's see how that goes?  Yep.  Ok.  Well?  Didn't think so.  Sure I have some things I want to do (like MARINE CORP MARATHON WITH AINSLEY'S ANGELS!), but please.  After so many years of college and crazy differences in the years; I want to simply bask in the presence of the day.

I am in the midst of doing #100daysofgratitude and I love it.  Getting to reflect on how God is letting my cup overflow every single day is humbling.  Life can be so wonderful and so hard simultaneously, and #100daysofgratitude simply reminds me how to be proactively thankful.

So.  That's that.  Not exactly cool but I'll never claim fame.

Short sweet and to the point is my life these days.  So.  2016: I'm coming for ya!

9 weeks later..click click.

It's been almost 9 weeks since I went into 'off-season'.  9 weeks of running.  9 weeks of choosing to wake up early, taking naps at 730am, and not doing 2-a-day's. 9 weeks of not finding myself, but rather 'creating' the self I long for.

So with that I have had some of the hardest, most wonderful 9 weeks I could ever ask for.  I have figured out who is on my team, and different purposes of friendship for different moments.  I am learning how to graciously accept love given to me, and how to give accordingly.  I am 'becoming myself', thank you to Stasi Eldredge.  (Current read.)



Like cheering at IMFL! SO PROUD OF THESE FINISHERS

Because everyone loves knowing people on the bike course.

There was a few weeks where I was in-transition from post-IM to Houston training where I got tired of Fleet Feet.  I was tired of runners to be honest.  I was tired of the general public.  Despite all the WONDERFUL customers, I was growing weary of the not as wonderful ones.  But.  It clicked back.
I am still living in my 'dream world'.  A year and a half ago I got accepted to work at Fleet Feet and my life has never been the same.  I have gained some crazy experiences, grown-up skills, and most importantly some of the best co-workers/bosses=friends I could ever ask for.  These people and I do life.  I could brag endlessly over the gravity of my love for our Fleet Feet family.  I would rather start Thanksgiving off with no other group of people.  We laugh mostly, debate, cry, celebrate, hug, chat, slap, learn, (and for Lesley and Matthew-we work on occasion :p).  I thought this place was going to be where I learn shoes, but little did I know I was going to learn life.  I wouldn't want to go through my mid 20's with any other select group of people. (this is not where I tell you I'm moving on; I plan to stay here for some time!!)

 

So.  Thanksgiving is here.  And.  That's what I am most thankful for this year; my newfound family.

That's that.  With that.  I am learning what it means to be a friend outside of the college walls.  I am seeing how various types of mothers function, how wives thrive in their situations, how women can be and are confident beautiful people, how we sisters can listen and be listened to, how friends can 'hard love' you in ways to call you out, and how Christians can be love in all the just ways.  I am just enjoying everyday to the fullest, embracing so many struggles, and learning to live past this thing called life. 

I would say I can't wait for 2016, but I don't really know what I'm waiting on.  The time is NOW!  2015 will come and go, and I don't want to look back and wish I would've enjoyed more of it.  I feel confident in that if 2016 is as beautifully messy as 2015 then it will be a success.

So.  Happy thanksgiving to you who is reading this, because you are in my circle.
Cheers!

'ever open to joy and love!'

I sit here a Mississippi College alumni.  I have the privilege to be not only a MC alum, but a Kissimee Tribe alum.  Beccca, Renee', and I pacted to be each other's bud's for homecoming 2015.  I knew it was obvious I was supposed to go to homecoming.  Why?  Because I actually didn't ask off for the Saturday.  We get a Saturday off a month and I forgot I hadn't asked for one this month, so naturally I got the last Saturday of the month.

So.  Off we go.  Renee' and I started the morning off at the 5k, went and showered, and jetted off to the KT alumni tea.  That is when I knew it was going to be a day of life-breath upon my heart.  To be honest I am discovering a lot about myself this month, and one of them being I get anxious in social situations.  Running events, triathlon races, Fleet Feet events; you name it, I'm a nervous wreck.  You would never know, but it happens.  However.  KT is a place I call home.  I can be with over 100 girls in a room and feel like it's family.  This is how life is supposed to be.  Not that the 'running meg' is a different entity, but it was just so home-feeling to be with people who relate to me outside of the running realm  Who know me as sister.  Who know my life story because Becca and I were bold enough to throw it all on the table one Tuesday night.  Kissimee was a place I knew I grew, but I didn't realize was going to be a place I could continue to grow with.
Everyone was not concerned with what I looked like, and I wasn't concerned with that.  Nothing was about 'training'.  I didn't respond one time today with my weekend in miles.  I got to respond like a normal human, and that made it all worth it.

However.  It was an incredible feeling realizing how many people were truly on my team for #journeytobeIronMeg.  Everywhere I went that was the comment; congrats on your Ironman! I am humbled by the love, and have enjoyed getting to keep up with my fellow sisters on their athletic endeavors.  Started as KT sisters, and getting to be life encouraging buds is an incredible feeling.

Becca and I journeyed over to the singers concert to have our little music homecoming, and it was just as filling.  The music side of Meg is one that hasn't been touched in over 6 months, and is one that is roaring to come back out.  That is what I went to school for! I spent more time in a practice room than my own bed most days.  I love running and Jesus, but both of those loves came later in life.  Music was my first true love, and is one that is unending.  My soul was touched listening to those singers pour their heart upon mine this afternoon.

This week has been a lot of seeing just how many circles I have.  And credit to my training pal Denise for this thought, but; every group that I am entangled in has different dynamics and doors to be opened and learned from.  I am in love with my mid-20's friends because we stress about being extroverts who are also introverts because we are socially confused people who think we need to have it together, when in reality it's ok we don't.  Then there is my FF crew who ventures through life with me, and I with them.  We can rant about customers, to shoes, and then our random life stories all while putting up shoes.  My tri community teaches me more about life itself than just 'swim bike run'.  Everyone in their 30's/40's/50's, and then random me who just graduated college.  I have about 485732 older sisters/moms/dads who take care of me, and show me that life doesn't get easier, but you just learn to dance in the rain and journey together.

The day ended with my twin and myself having a date and just spending the night enjoying each others' presence.  Car jam time is one that will always be cherished between us, and we will jam to Passion and Taylor Swift always.

MC and KT; you made me who I am, and the more I am not with you the more I am realizing how vital that time was.  Ah.  Self-discovery is such a sweet thing to share within this time.

Life ponderings because why not; because we need to be empty.

Well.  In case you didn't know, I did an Ironman a little over 3 weeks ago.
This is when I'm supposed to be figuring out my life, like I said I was going to do.  And I have hit all the phases; from being tired, to emotional, to mad, and sad.  Yeah.  Recovery isn't for wusses!

Anyways.  Not the point of the blog.

So.  Let's go back to the 'figuring out my life' thing.

And. I 've come to a few conclusions.

1) For the Love

After reading what can be a life-altering book, I am trying to view life itself differently; ('For the Love').  One chapter this is the pondering for a calling: 'If it's not true for a single, Christian, Haitian mom, then it's not true for me.' AKA: there isn't some life changing moment(s) she experiences to know her 'calling'.  It's her kids, her house, making sure they all get food, have a roof.  There is no 'options', and if there is she just does what she thinks is best for her household.
Why can't we approach life this way?  Why does it have to be some 'crazy' thing?  Why can't I just work at Fleet Feet because it's where I am right now. 

Yes...I am pondering Peru.  Yes I am genuinely not sure yet.  Yes I have a slew of reasons, and that's ok.  But.  At the end of it all, I need to do what is best for me; that end hasn't been determined.

2) Emptying ourselves. 

'As soon as we're empty of ourselves, there's a place for Christ, because only then are we in any sense ready to recognize and accept Christ as the totally other, who is not me.'

So.  I've been studying Romans with a bud from work, and we are in chapter 2.  It's all about the 'bad news', and how you can't grasp the good news without genuinely seeing the bad news within yourself.  And.  That's just it.  I need to be completely empty at the throne of Christ before He has a place in my life.  He can't come in unless there's space for Him.  And space can't be found until you know you need to clear out your bad news.  And quite honestly I haven't cared to make space; to know change will happen.  But.  No.  I'm ready to empty myself; I am becoming ready to recognize and accept Christ as my total other.  He is the only other.

Certainly not saying I'm there, but I am saying I'm ok with trying.  I'm ok with taking the risk.  He is worth it.

3) Serving 2 gods.

I always think of the verse that says 'you can't serve God and money'.  And.  Quite honestly I have always thought of it in the sense of 'I have my own struggles of life, but that is not one of them, so that part doesn't apply to me.'  But.   I have never pondered replacing 'money' with my own struggles.  You can't serve God and popularity; you can't serve God and exercise; you can't serve God and whatever else.  So.  That's interesting.  Replace your 'thing' with money.  And deal with that; live this day serving God.  Live this day instead of trying to 'not do whatever', but by just simply living for HIM, thus in process sin will decrease.

There you have it.  I'm happy to be done IM training.  I am back pondering, reading, learning, failing, growing, struggling.  I'm back trying to process with the blog world; because it's worth it.

Your 3 point sermon on mesiness

Sometimes I face the decision of 'which' blog to blog from.  Because I have my running/triathlon blog here, and then obviously the one your eyes are staring at.

Let's jump in.  I don't want to lose you in an intro.  Let us back up a little.

Almost 2 years ago I lost a bunch of weight via Ideal Protein in Gulfport.  Stayed the same size til..a little over 4 months ago I did a 50 miler and injured myself, thus allowing me to not run.  I gained 12 pounds in about 6 weeks.  None of my shorts fit.  I said HECK NO, found out about the greatest IP coach ever from friends, and set off to see her and 'get back'.

I thought 'ok self..you will lose the 12 and then an additional 10 in a little time and be fine and go back to how I was doing and no one has to know the real problem.'

Wrong. (I currently lost 15 and still have 7 more to go!!..but that is not the point.)

I could have been done, however there's something that I have begun to realize a vast array of people struggle with and don't talk about: sugar.  We joke about it, hint at loving it, glaze over it like it's ok because 'it's not alcohol or drugs', or proclaim how we will work it off.  I've done my share of all of it.  However.  After 23 years it's time to take it on for what it is.

Addiction.

I am convinced sugar is THE most addicting substance on planet Earth.  You want it all.  You want to eat that 1/2 dozen of donuts and oh have I had my share of those moments.  I am always impressed and jealous of those people who are truly satisfied with just a brownie and ice cream and call it a day. Me? NO! I want that, and then about 3 more.
I know there's science behind it all blah blah.  Feel free to look at this quickly google searched random article.  All I know is that after a week of not binging on sugary goodness, I need it.  However, I have been actively working on it, and every weekend make a slow progress to overcoming myself.

I have been learning with Liz (IP coach) what a label is.  That calories aren't 'just' calories.  What a vegetable truly is.  How to care about every calorie I am putting in my body.  That I need fuel for training, and you need fuel for living.  That saving calories for night time isn't the answer.  That a strategic planned cheat meal is not 'getting off', and that it is accepted and needed.  That though I am able to train with Paydays or uncrustables, it would be wiser to use whole/not horribly processed foods, or foods not stimulating to my sugar brain like bonk breakers (fig and blueberry oat are the BOMB), or the usual 'runner fuel': Gu.
Most times I am making the wise choice for the wonderfulness of a protein filled super shake, eggs, berries, and toast for breakfast.  But.  There are the days when I want those donuts, but no.  I am learning that my body is worth it.  I am worth it.  I also am learning that sometimes when I want the whole tub of yogurt...that's ok too. ;)

If I can, you can too.

I am worth it, and so are you.

Here's a few things I am in the process of still learning daily:
1) have a friend that you tell EVERYTHING to.  Or.  Some of us (me) are so blessed to have more than one of those.  But.  This is key.
2) 3 words need to be said EVERY TIME you see that ice cream joint, or that pizza you want: 'shut up brain.'  and if you are into the Jesus thing as my friends and I embarking on this journey are, 'Satan back up.'
3) Know it is a learning curve.  I say this as I am in the deepest part of the learning curve.  I don't have it figured out.  I know that there are trigger foods.  I know that you need to figure those out, and get rid of them. Forever.

That's all.  Til next time when my heart has a word vomit pondering that needs to be shared.

It all started...

You know.  Stories really intrigue me.  Like the fact the story I'm about to tell has a about a zillion different perspectives.  So.  Here is the Meg version.  I loved experiencing every other version, but I honestly believe my perspective is the best-I'm totally not bias.

FIRST OFF ALSO.  Computers suck.  I need a new one.  So.  You get this blog with ONLY a few pictures I took with my computer camera of my phone...judge away.

Freshman year.  Long story short.  Becca and I became life story buds.

Fast forward to now.

We are still life story buds, along with all of KT knowing more than we ever imagined, and countless other folks who have pieces of our hearts we will never get back, and all you can do is hope somewhere along the way they are blessed like we are being blessed.

Ok.  It all started a little over a month ago when I realized I wanted 22 be THE coolest year for Bec.  It all clicked in my head in one big swoop.  We were going to drive to ATL, kidnap Bec, and go meet Becca's favorite human, Hannah Brencher. Who is that? Click here.  Met our new friend? She's too cool for words on her blog, on e-mail/text, and in real life.

SO.  I email HB and ask her basically if she would be willing to have coffee with Bec, myself, and Hanna and Shelby March 28th.  I mean...go big or go home.  She emails back and is all like YES LET'S DO IT.  

wasn't kidding about the pic of a pic. I NEEDED this one!!!

The planning begins. My heart was already preparing for the awesomeness that was going to occur but I had no idea how grateful I was going to be.  So.  I attempt to make it a surprise but Becca knows because she has great intuition.  She tells me two days before that she knows, and we bask in the awesomeness of it all.

*cue 7 hour drive to ATL Saturday morning*

We get to ATL and there is crazy traffic, so at last second we have to change location, and HB is all about coming closer to us.  So cool.  So we get to the coffee house, and after hug attacks, we sit around a coffee table with HB books, journals, pens, hearts, tears, laughter, COFFEE, a fruit smoothie, hot chocolate, and our great Barista giving us coffee, Freddy.

I wish I could put into words the excitement I felt for Becca.  I expected to be so thrilled to meet her myself, and yes yes I was SO excited to meet this fellow sister, but geez the heart feelings were all over seeing Becca love this girl so hard.  Not because of her fame, but because of HER love. Becca loves hard, HB loves hard, there was just lots of love going around and I can't process how incredible it was to be in the presence of it all.

HB shared about her 'God tears' as Bec asked, and that just led to well...3 hours later between the 5 of us.  God tears.  HB telling us such intimate things going on in life and letting us relate to her all too well.  Bec explaining Casey.  The talk of new things in life. Love.  Yeah...

Cuties who do selfies.  now x2.  Selfie on my computer OF a selfie.
I'm scared the selfie police will come get me for overuse of this.

So.  Goodbyes were said, pictures were snapped, and in that moment of walking away it instantly became this crisp memory embedded in all our hearts.  Bec and I pray for our new friend HB, and kinda cried over the gravity of it all.  We start driving back and the moment happened.  The moment Becca realized I think how much she is fiercely loved and God always has more in store than we fathom.  I know they talk about this kind of love being for marriage, but I believe it can happen outside of that, and then sometimes it can happen twice, and that would be where I so graciously fall into.  I believe that is Becca and I.  Becca and I love each other anam cara.  We are soul mates.  So Becca.  Thank you doesn't begin to describe how much I love you and am thankful for you.  I love every moment with you.  Thanks for letting me be in your circle.

So.  To go a little further.  One thing that resonated with me was when HB was talking about reading the bible.  And how on Sunday's you get that 'Sunday feeling'.  And that was it.  That is my life.  I live Sunday to Sunday on those 'Sunday feeling's'.  What a sad existence when I have access to the SAME POWER that beat death in the face!
Seriously?  Time to work on that.  I want to have 'Wednesday feeling', and 'Friday night feeling' JUST like 'Sunday feeling'.  The whole car trip back I didn't talk the first 3 hours simply taking it all in, and listening to everyone else process what happened.  I plan to be 'processing' for quite a few days over it all.

We want to change the world, when first we just need to change a few.  That's what Jesus did.  Jesus didn't set out to change everyone.  He worked on 12, and a couple thousand years later.  Here we sit. HB, Becca, Hanna, Shelby, and I.  Trying to figure out how to get our 'big'.  We dream big.

Becca and I.  We cool.  Duh.

I could ramble my thoughts but instead.  I think I want to keep them for now because this weekend wasn't just about this weekend.  It was about what was already happening in my heart weeks before with love.  Love is a sticky thing.  You just get INTO each others lives and dwell in their mess, and let them dwell in yours, and somehow it's beautiful despite it's well...mess.

I'll never get it.

I'll never get why people want to live in my mess, but I'll never understand why I love living in other peoples' messes too.

Jesus.

Until then.  I'll love every moment of plowing through with my fiercely and few love friends.

The year of Taylor is almost to a close, and life as I know it is pondered. Praise.

Well.  I am on a blogging challenge with a handful of other people where we all have 12 topics to blog. And. Last week was the first one. Go read here. So. I was going to continue posting there. Continue the charades of us all on my 'athlete' blog if you will. But. I realized not all the topics are related to my running/triathlete career. And this is one.
This week is 'age: how does my age define me?'
My age does everything for me quite honestly. It is old enough to pay bills, to be married, to be in a ZILLION wonderful weddings, but yet not old enough to be a 'real' adult somehow. I'm just a kid I am told daily at work by various people; yet 5 minutes ago this 'kid' got off the phone with insurance people because I am handing when a car hit me on Christmas Eve.
Take it as you will.
I know that I'm not exactly old, but I'm sure not a kid.
I will graduate college May 9th this year with a steady stable full time job.
I'm doing better than 1/2 of people my age automatically and I am endlessly thankful for Fleet Feet every day and what that place means to me.
I decided to also take this blog post to tell you that.......
I DECIDED MY LIFE PLANS!
Let's throw a party.

So. I had 4 options I was pondering. Lemme take a second to tell you each of them.
1) TESOL. I simply don't see it being my 'forever' world. I can see it being that aimless 20's job of which I love. But. Not 40 year old me. So. Nix.
2) higher education. Again. I love the RD part and I still plan to fully pursue that part of life pretty soon-ish. But. Just the RD part. Not the master part. Not the administrative portion. So. Nope.
3) sports nutrition. I have loved running a year and a half. That's all. What happens if in 5 or even 10 years I get tired of it like Tae-Kwon-do. I loved it. But. Not my personal forever. So. No.
4) music. I tried so hard to nix this my whole life.
Graduated high school. Dropped band. I was too cool for music.
We see how that ended. *will graduate May 9th with a music degree*
Music is what I have done since 6th grade.
It's who I am. Inanely.
Though I love Jesus first. I have loved music longer and connects me to Jesus in a compassionate and intimate way. So. It's what I do. And. I can fathom me doing it at 40.
Honestly. When I went to Peru. I couldn't fathom life without a piano so I went and found one at school.
So. In the fall I am planning on continuing by hopefully pursuing a masters in choral conducting.
EEP!!
I have to do some nit-picky work to get there but I could not be more thrilled.