~See ya later's, racing, and redeeming feels from it all~

Gator Bait 2017 is officially a mere memory. Whoa.

Before I get into race stories I need to take a moment; all my personal successes for this weekend wouldn't of happened without the girl in the middle. Meet Stephanie. Steph and Megan (not pictured) have been my individual therapists' since Kelley left, and man did they sure learn all the right things about how to be a great therapist! Anyways, Steph had to leave FH and though I'm oh so sad, I am oh so happy for her newfound time with her kiddos. This isn't a 'good-bye', but a 'see ya later' to Steph and also a 'hello' first week of her playing more with her funny, witty, beautiful kiddos!

I have said thank you 84729295 times but I'll say it again because she deserves them and more. So. Thanks for teaching me so much about recovery. Thanks for embodying compassion. Thank you for being apart of changing the course of my life; the good-bye feels are endlessly worth it.

Bridget, Steph, and me.

I am not even sure where to start to recap this weekend because so much happened physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, all the 'ally's'.

Lets go over the list of things that I did 'first'.

1) first open water swim of the year was at GB

2) first ride outside of the year was at GB

3) first time wearing the tri top I wore was at GB

4) first time running 6.2 miles with my new shoelaces was at GB

Race morning I got there, got everything set up, met up with dad, and practice swam. Did some visualization for the day, "listened" to the 'mandatory' race meeting and OFF we went!

pre-race with the lake we swam in, in the background

Swim: it was choppy but I just love all forms of swimming so the waves and toughness made it all the more fun!

Bike: this is where it gets tough for me. The last season I raced was 2014; the last tri I did was 2015 (hello IM...that was deemed survival). 

Little did I know all the walls I broke IM training mentally, all came back up. By mile 2 I was done with this ride. I wanted to be done..I didn't even want to spend 5 more minutes on Pom. This of-course is world shattering for me because triathlon is 'who I am'. 

This is not the blog where I say 'and this is ok blah blah blah.' Nope. 

This is the blog where I simply say 'this is what happened and I am processing it all.'

So I ended up finishing the bike because Steph and I planned so much around this weekend I couldn't fathom telling her that I didn't like it and quit. I've never raced intentionally for someone until that and let me just say it's the most inspiring thing to keep going.

Pom and I in transition.

Run: at this point I wasn't really 'feeling' like racing so I just kinda ran for kicks (pun intended). I talked to people, I drank Gatorade, I had a blast! I finished strong too! (look at that form-gah)

The finish was really wonderful because all my friends were there cheering me on and I felt great.

I had so many recovery wins through this day that it was amazing. I listened to my body 500% and didn't think about it. Ed kept trying to make his presence in my mind, but I was like UH NO I WANNA MAKE THIS RACE A GOOD ONE. So- I did. Again-first race this happened. #recoverywin

I am in love with this picture!

I ended up not getting my time goal and ya know what. This is ok. The mere fact this is ok testifies to recovery and wow is it worth it.

I also ended up not having a panic attack. This is the first triathlon this has happened -ever. Again-thank you recovery. 

I ended up getting first in my AG so that was pretty cool considering I wasn't even trying for that!

All-in-all it was a wonderful weekend. I got to have dinner with 3 friends that I went to Florida with to do their 100 miler and my 50 miler so we are all buds after that-HA.

I did the race, got to hang with quite a few of my friends that night enjoying company, and of course eating yummy food and a DQ blizzard.

Sunday morning I had coffee with 'the guys'; everyone was there (like 15 of us) and it was like I never missed a beat.

I went to church with Amanda-who I stayed with.Thanks to Amanda because without her this trip wouldn't of happened!

Then I drove back while jamming to songs, and that ended the trip back to the 601.

My friend who I hung with after the race and I!

So new race plan? Relay Heatwave, do HOD, relay a tri in August probably, and relay Ryanman.

I have no desire to 'break' the walls that are mentally back up towards cycling. I do this for FUN and if I don't enjoy the journey then what's the point?

Thank you recovery; Steph; Megan; Fairhaven for teaching me this. That it's for fun, not for exercise; it's for training; to push my limits in a non-ED way.

This is a life-changing season and I wouldn't have this redeeming experience without them.

refreshing road trips, races, and redemption at its' finest.

So many things has happened since I last blogged! 

I am delving into the depths of therapy which is its' own training. Some days I have to take a few moments to decompress before continuing on with the afternoon. It's exhausting; it's up there with IM training. Treatment is its' own form of running a marathon.

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I am slowly gaining the ability to be more social which is exciting. I am making Memphis more and more my 'home'; it's surreal but a cool experience. One wonderful example is L (left) and I road tripped to Oxford to see S (right). It was and is refreshing to be 'normal people' with the girls I do intense life with at FH! 

It was double decker weekend which made the experience all the more fun!

I still have been training quite hard and am excited about my upcoming race(s)! However, in the midst of it, a few of my NOBOer's decided to take on a 10k! I told them I'd come run it with them, and it was the most beautiful thing to be able to participate in with them. Seeing them go from .25 miles of running to completing a 10k makes me feel like a proud mom (coaching win).

They were so proud and I was just as elated as them!

To go off the racing topic, it is continually the best part of recovery to be rescued from the depths of Ed; to start to walk in life-giving life of training for Him; to see food as fuel. I'm certainly not saying I have this down everyday, but overall the mental shift is one that I never dreamed possible. 

The progression of proclaiming His rescuing to confidence in Him and having nothing to do but sing praises; this is redemption guys. (see below said progression).

"For You have rescued me from death; You have kept my feet from slipping so now I can walk in Your presence, O God, in Your life-giving life. - Ps. 56:13.

"My heat is confident in You, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing Your praises! - Ps. 57:7.

Re for rescuing redemption. (the flowers however have surpassed being rescued)

I pondered how to end it, and the way I ended last blog still rings true.

"So in short there's lost sof parts: fabulous, tough, sad, thrilling, awesome, fear, frustration, love, happiness, beauty; all the things life should hold.