No matter what may come, Your people press on.

Peep at my new fun shorts.

Christmas has come and gone, and boy was it one to be remembered! I had one party before, and then of course Christmas Eve. They do everything on Christmas Eve, so I spent it with my dear French, Disney princess name friend, Aurora. She graciously invited me to celebrate with her. We celebrated with a bunch of boys ages around 7-17. It was so special. Over here the ‘typical’ Christmas is you go to mass, make dinner, eat dinner REALLY late (we ate just before midnight!), then the kiddos open presents at midnight. You put baby Jesus in the manger at midnight as well. They don’t put Him in until then because, symbolically we don’t celebrate His birth until the 25^th. So, that happened. It was fun to hang out with all the boys, and gain a new good buddy, Aurora; we talked all through the night. She was so supportive to me, knowing I have been struggling. She checked in with me all night and was extremely helpful when I got really anxious. It was refreshing to my heart.

We decided to exchange Christmas happies (for my Peruvian friends: it's basically like a small fun present name.)

She made delicious desserts!

Here we are saying good-bye to 2019, and hello to 2020! What a freaking year it has been. I began the year terrified of going back to treatment. I had surpassed my 5-month pattern, but barely. I began the year wishing to live overseas, but convinced myself I couldn’t because of my mental state. But. God. God began putting the desire back into my heart, and I blindly went with it. Everything happened so smoothly, so July 20^th I left America to live in my new home. I had high highs, and some pretty intense lows here recently. Overall, 2019 has been such a year for me. I held a stable job for a whole year; the last time that happened was 2015. I didn't go to treatment; the last year I didn't go was 2015. *yikes* 2019 brought such happiness and such heartache and I look back at what the Lord has done and stand in awe that I am standing here in South America-conquering myself in the middle of a storm, with God fighting for me right by my side.

Here we go 2020!

So, 2020? If you have been with me for some time, then you know I like to dedicate a word to the year. This year? Freedom. So cliché but, there’s depth of learning related to it. I have been learning the ins and outs of freedom, and I want that to continue. That boundaries create freedom for both parties involved. That you can hate the things that God hates and create freedom within His love. I have been praying to hate those things, and to love those that God loves. It’s simple for my best friends, but what about those that offend you; have hurt you to the core of your being? That is where my heart needs help. Experiencing His love so closely that your only response is to love because He first loved us. I want to be so intimate with His love that I have complete freedom to live inside His love because I am starting to grasp His love for me, and want that to only deepen for the year.

Buddies that show me love who make it so easy to love back.

Oh! Side story. I went to Chivay because my friend, Noelia, invited me! I was not feeling my best to say the least, but still had fun for what I did participate in. I am thankful because she and the girls never made me feel bad or made a big deal that I wasn’t myself. It was such an experience to see God’s creation all around. It was beautiful and I cannot wait to take my dad and Dawn there in April!

The girls and I in the valley.

Don't be deceived. It was wet, cold, and rainy. But, a funny memory nonetheless...after.
Noelia kept saying 'la adventura!!' Thanks for keeping it fun amidst the cold and rain.

So, life is going. The darkness has finally let up (finally, after about 5 weeks y’all) and I am so thankful. I am so happy to reacquaint with Meg again. I am eager to see what God brings for 2020.

I bring You glory for all You’ve brought me through, and now I’m ready for whatever You want to do.

Words flow out into the night.

I have prayed through and thought through this blog. If I would write it. If I could gain the inner strength to say I am not ok. If I could let the people who doubted if I could do this, 'win'.
But. Here I am.

Meet my 3:50 class. They have journeyed with me, and will always hold a piece of my heart.

I am figuratively around 4am on my climb up to summit Chachani. When all was dark. I knew the sun was coming in just a few hours, but, I couldn't get out of my head to see the big picture. I was only focused on each second of survival 6000 km above sea level. I questioned if I would make it, but nevertheless persisted. *Spoiler alert: I made it, and cried over the majesty of our great God.*
But right now, the top is still in the darkness.
I am in an 'episode' of darkness let's just say, that happens in my life every 5 months, outside of my control. What I CAN control is: how I can still choose joy/my mindset, how I react, and how I ask for help. In America, my friends know this happens, and know how to 'handle' me. They know it is temporary and constantly encourage me in that.  Now, I am in Peru. While I have good friends, they have not been on this journey with me; they were not there when all fell apart.They were not with me as I cried on the floor so many times. However, they are jumping in head first and I am forever grateful.

Two buddies who took me shoe shopping where I was initiated into being a full-on Peruvian.

Well, here I am falling apart yet again. But, this time will be different; IS different.
The Lord blessed my life with (and I do not say this lightly) the best therapist in my life: AnaLu. She is helping me pray so many new prayers; learn endless amounts about myself in Christ. She called me out our very first session, and though it shocked me, I knew she was the one. She is helping me see that God didn't like when x,y,z was happening when I was a kid and was there with me. Teaching me to pray to hate the things that God hates. To pray through Psalm 23. She also teaches me why my brain does what it does. She prays so fiercely for me that it is the best part of my week. (Ok I am at a place where I need to see her 2x week--so I get it twice a week!) She comes and sits next to me, holds my hands so tightly, and you can feel that she is genuinely talking to Jesus, interceding for me, and I just have the privilege to listen in. She is gracious, yet holds me accountable.

Some buddies that make life more fun.

So by the Lord's hand, AnaLu helping me, and the fight within me, I will make it through; here across the world; in the time of life I have yearned for 7 years. I feel the need to specify--this is not culture shock. I have the best life I could imagine, and yet darkness comes so hard I can barely stand myself. Disassociation comes in the middle of class, and my students are nothing but wonderful. My friends at school have noticed, and are nothing but encouraging to me. Reminding me how much they value me, and how I will make it through.

We played secret Santa and this was mine. She made me that amazing art work of encouraging notes, and my final present was a beautiful Peruvian hand bag with chocolate!

In other news, I am spending Christmas with my French friend from school, Aurora! She has graciously invited me and I am so excited to do a typical Peruvian Christmas with her, her husband, and his family (he is Peruvian). Over here, they stay up until midnight on the 24th, and open presents then. Which-my dad sent me a Christmas package! I bought color street for lots of my buddies here, and it was THE most fun thing getting to run around handing them out. My dad sent me some things that I wanted, and it was such a fun part of the week. I also ordered for him to send me a Rachel Hollis necklace that says 'not sorry'. And, what a time to wear this. To be not sorry for being so much, not sorry that I struggle with depressive episodes. Being not sorry for having such an overwhelming personality. I am thankful to have this necklace and wear it to remind myself to indeed, not be sorry. Rachel Hollis, you are a life changer and without you I wouldn't be standing here in Peru. She has inspired me to step into who I am and help me fight for ME. If you are interested, go buy the book 'Girl, Stop Apologizing', and get ready for your life to be changed.

'I take my coffee with Rach and Dave' mug and not sorry necklace!

So, I am going. I am fighting. The Lord is fighting for me, and I am taking up my staff and fighting for myself with Him inside of me. Because the same power that conquered the grave, lives in me.

I simply love reading back blogs of how the Lord provided in my crashes, and I want to be able to stand in awe of who He is. So, here we are.
Time to celebrate the birth of our Savior. To celebrate God in flesh. Perfection on Earth. I hope you don't miss the moments, and count each blessing as I am learning to do everyday.

More and more pics with more Peruvians!

Another week, come and gone. New classes, new faces to get to learn and impact. I love teaching. I love my classes. December is a busy month because classes end the 23rd so we have less teaching days, so class times are a little longer now. Whew!

These are some new buddies; Jose, and Noelia. They took me to this huge market. It was bustling with lots of people, lots of things to buy, and lots of places to purchase various Peruvian foods. I tasted their juice/smoothie and wow was it delicious!! It was fun to just go out with people my age. I have not been doing that much here, and it is so refreshing to be with people close to my age. (early 30's)

I was a bit intimidated but stuck next to them and all was well.

So EXCITING news in my life. I have a Peruvian therapist!!! I have never gone this long without a therapist since 2015 when my eating disorder recovery journey attempted to start. I had my American therapist the first 2 months but decided it wasn't worth it anymore so have just been managing myself. Let me just say--that might not of been my wisest decision but, I have one now and she was WELL worth the wait.

Lemme tell you how we got to each other. Backtrack like 2/3 months ago-I went with a friend to her bible study. Analu (new therapist) was there unbeknownst that she'd become my therapist a few months later! So, I posted on this expat AQP page asking for an English speaking therapist and someone threw Analu's name out, so I texted her. Fast forward to this week. We met and she remembered me from months' ago at Bible study!! I could't believe it. 

There has to be literally one of her--a native Peruvian, fluent English speaking, Christian, trained in the states- therapist. We jumped right into it the first session and I am more than elated to work with her. 

This is apart of her office. She is actually moreso a family therapist, but
is willing to help English speakers out since she's fluent. 

Ice cream friday on tap. It has been lunch club's thing since month one, and I look forward to every Friday because we all get the same thing and it's so fun.

Lunch club!

I had a revelation was about His mercies about 2 weeks ago I forgot to share, found my writings about it, and it applies to my last few weeks all too well. I have written on my mirror, ‘His mercies are new every morning’. And while it is true, I don’t think I was living into that. I realized that when He says His mercies, He means every choice that was made yesterday—whether positive or negative. That whatever happened yesterday is gone, and that He wants to give me a new morning; a new day. He TELLS us that every morning is a start over. It’s a new chance to ‘do the next right thing’. It’s a new chance to bring glory to my body so that my mind can be clearer to serve Him more. When I am not nourished like I should be, while in class, I can tell. And, I never want my students to not get the best version of me. He gives me a new day which means you get it as well. You and I have a chance every morning to reflect on the day before and make more choices to live for His name and renown. 

On a great run, it was a clear morning and Chachani was so beautiful.
I still can't believe I summitted that volcano.

Oh! I hardly forgot. For those keeping up, this is med mishap number 3. I swear the box said what I needed!!! But, clearly by my reaction, something was amidst. All my red flags of 'omgsh you took something wrong' were going off. Cue 2 days of complete disarray in my brain, and day 3 an awkward mix of ok/not ok/not sure. But, I am good to go for the week of teaching that lies ahead.

So, here we go. Midterms are Friday and lots of material stands between now and then, so cheers to the students for learning it all in a shorter period of time!

Thanksgiving weekend with lots of pictures included!

Well. Thanksgiving has come and gone, and we are well on our way to Christmas! I am SO thankful for this gal. This is Andrea. We are buddies. She wanted to hang with me on Thanksgiving to make it more special since otherwise at school we were giving finals. 

It was a memorial holiday because it was such a stark dichotomy of class, celebrating and chatting with Andrea, and then back to school to give finals, and break some hearts of them not passing. Oh well. It's part of the process. I got to video my dad and family, and Andrea got to meet them ha! It was a bit odd to be in and out so fast. But overall it was a good day, and I am so thankful for that. God was so faithful to give me everything I needed exactly when it was needed, and all the more.

We got holiday drinks as per requested by me.

On Friday, after a teacher meeting, (because it was between cycles we didn't have class), some of us went out for lunch! I am really loving it here more and more because I am finding the people I want to be friends with. I am feeling included at school. Teachers want to be my friend and it feels really great to be seen and be heard. Some new friends want to take me trekking soon, so stay tuned for those pictures and stories! We have lots of fun in the teacher's lounge chatting away!

Pisco punch--I understand the name now.

So, I have now gotten a piercing in a foreign country. Pretty cool.

The guy was really nice, and even gave me another earring!!

It hurt more than expected, but was over quickly so--oh well.
It looks cool so worth it.

I ran 20 miles (32km)!! I was planning on about 16/17 but at about 12ish I decided I felt great and wanted 20. So, off I went for 20 miles. I went alllllllll over the city. My skin is pretty red because of the sun, and I was WIPED after, but it was so worth it. I also am training myself to not rely on music for running again, so I didn't listen to anything. I just kinda existed. I sang songs to Jesus and talked to Him some, saw sights, and got lost a lot so was preoccupied with that. It was a great run, and I can't wait for next weekends long run. Who knows what it will bring!

I proceeded to sit there for quite a few mintues.

Finally, church on Sunday. It was SO good. If you have not seen it, click here. It is well worth your time. ¨Confident expectation for the future, based in God--HOPE.¨ He talked about how if we don't Amen God, He will not Amen you. That we also have to put in some effort. This is not a one way street. He talked about how Jesus was the coming Messiah, and talked about Matthew 1:18-25; the story of Him being born. To not let fear rob you of hope! But he ended with talking about why to have hope in God--because He is faithful. He is faithful in the midst of storms, He guards us against the evil one, He is faithful when I am not, and He has new mercies every morning. It was such a filling day, and prepared me for the busy week that is ahead.

I love my Pinelake community. I was a few minutes late and they were wondering if I was going to log in. I have community with my home church thousands of miles away, and it is so refreshing to my soul to worship alongside them. 

Live worship is so fun.

Overall it was a good week. Some sadness over not being in America, but hopeful expectation for next year to be everything I want and then more. Hopeful expectation for what December will have for me. It is a BUSY month at school, but busy keeps me going so, bring it on! I got some great friends and a great God on my side, so anything is possible. :)

Thanksgiving week y'all

I feel like it's been weeks since I blogged because so many emotions has happened between last Saturday and now. I have literally gone through every emotion known to man.

Sunday, I got to talk to Renee' (my old roomie and one of my dearest friends because no matter the amount of time we go between talking, we jump right in). She has supported me more than I will ever begin to explain, and I am eternally thankful for her friendship. I kept her company through her 8 mile run. It was fun for us both and refreshing. She showed me our house of Christmas decor. It took forever and a day bc well..it's Renee'.

I asked her to pose, and this is what I got. Ears. Christmas tree. Yep. 

On Monday I had the privlidge to talk to a large group of Peruvian's about my university experience. I jumped at the chance to motivate some people. I spent half an hour on a stage talking about university and some wisdom I gained from it. Talking about my Savior; pursuing the passions of your heart.  It was such a surreal feeling to be able to impart wisdom I have learned through life. I want to empower this next generation to chase their passions.
I had a few dear friends who brought their classes to support me. It was such a surprise to my heart to look into the audience and know they intentionally wanted to see me and support me.
The Lord has truly blessed me with so many great friends. I am blown away by it.

I felt so official I'm not gonna lie.

Oscar, Aldo, Andrea--pretty stellar people.

I have a bank card! I gave my first round of mid-terms, and will give finals this week. It's a bit much, but it's the life of a teacher.

Friday was an emotional day. (Sorry everyone at work that I didn't say anything.)
Back story: I have spent two Christmas' away from my dad. So, that holiday doesn't really phase me that much to not be at home. I mean yeah I'll miss it but. I've done it before. And they celebrate it here.
Thanksgiving. I have NEVER not been with my dad. Even when I was at treatment in Memphis we met up and I got to see him and my family. Some years he came up to Jackson to be with me, some I went to NOLA or Magee, some I just went to his house. My life situation hasn't really given room for traditions and never has--but it's unique. I love that we plan for each year.
Til' this year. I realized I will not only be in Peru for Thanksgiving, but I will be giving finals.
And'--that hit me hard. Depression took reign of my heart and told me lies. I reached out to a few friends who are supporting me, and a dear friend here in AQP (shout-out Andrea!). They reassured me it'll be ok and Andrea even offered to hang with me. We are gonna go get Starbucks holiday drinks Thursday-as per my request. I love SB way too much.
It's also much more than not being with dad. It's not like my 2 Christmas' not with dad. I celebrated with people who I love. We did typical Christmas things. But Thanksgiving in Peru? They don't celebrate it at all. Finals are that day so my day will be: run, school, SB with Andrea (YAY!!), lunch club, multiple finals, grading finals, and sleep. So, just a different experience no one can relate to unless you've moved to a new country by your self where they don't celebrate American holidays. I love this place and am so thankful to be here. I am thankful to have friends who are doing small things to help this week be more meaningful for me. Definitely a memory for the books.

Since I teach at an American school they had this cute thing for students to learn about the holiday!

The bright sides to Friday was that my lunch club-ok we usually celebrate ice cream Friday. But there is a new cafe' in school, so we went there and had yummy dessert. There was  also a Thanksgiving photo booth we took pics with. It's hanging up in my room. It's freaking adorable.

Lourdes, Dalia, and Rox. Some of my 'lunch club'.

It might sound like it's been a bad week, but that is far from the truth. I might be sad to not be with my dad in America, but I still live everyday in awe that I am here. That I am so blessed to have someone who misses me so much and I the same. I am so blessed to be in another country that feels like home just like America- with amazing friends. I clearly have such a glorious, gracious God, who redeems me everyday and lets me be in communion with Him.

My first round of mid-terms.

My latest prayer from 'New Wine' by Hillsong:
Make me Your vessel,

Make me an offering.

Make me whatever You want me to be.

I came here with nothing,

But all You have given me.

Jesus, bring new wine out of me. 

Peruvian resident over here.

I love getting to finally blog about this.

I am a full-time, full-blown English teacher.

I am a resident of Peru. I have a Peruvian ID. WOW.

This is Ana Lu-she handled all the paperwork to get my foreign ID card.
She deserves much more than a shout-out. But. Thanks friend! 

I have 3 wonderful classes who I love dearly. When I am having an off day I know as soon as I step into the classroom that I will immediently be brought back into the present moment. My students give me so much life it's crazy. This is the feeling I have been looking for. To be able to go to sleep knowing you made a difference, knowing you will do it all over again the next day. To be able to sleep well because of how much work you are putting into the day. 

I have an intensive class at 715am (YIKES!). It's basically a class and a half. Then have 2 regular classes. Then fill the rest of the hours doing culture classes and remedial class reviews.

I thought I would like culture classes more because it is less work but oh how I was wrong. I love my regular classes. It might be more work but it is so much more fun seeing the same students every day.

We change classes (cycles) every month so next month I will get all new students. I'll be sad to let these go because these will always be my first students here, but am eager to see all the new faces and spirits I'll get to change and be changed by. 

My hair is so dark in the picture for some reason--everyone says it's the Peruvian me. LOL

I love my co-workers. They think I am hilarious because of how much I love going to my classes. I have a different personality than anything they have ever encountered and think it's hilarious. I'm just like....yo this is my life-glad I can entertain you with no effort on my part! hahaha (in Peru its jajaja) They help me learn all the tricks of the trade for school, and have shown nothing but kindness to me since day one.

The ladies below are some of my best friends at school. We have lunch together every day (plus two more--sorry guys!) and have a BLAST! The cafeteria HAS to get a kick out of us because we are easily the loudest people in there. I dubbed us 'lunch club' and it has caught on. Lunch club meets on the right side of the cafeteria every day at 1pm. If you ever come visit me, expect to join.

If you talk to me much you'll hear about 'the girls' at school--this is them.
This is right after I got my ID. They were so happy for me.
They love me well and I love them lots.

One of my classes is all high schoolers-all around 15 years old, and boy are they my favorite. They LOVE talking and participating. I have to ask them to be quiet all the time which is a rarity for around here and I am SO thankful for it. They love asking me questions about my life in America. 

I love imparting my wisdom I have gained into the future generation. We talk about values; core values. We made a list of things we personally valued and why. I tell them about Jesus--how He is our Savior who cares deeply for them and came to save us to have a relationship with the Lord our God. I teach them about the feminist movement- how females are just as empowered as men. I want to teach the girls to stand up for themselves and know they can do anything they put their minds to. We talk about having the wisdom to make right choices for their lives. We talk about the lessons, yes (don't worry Cultural!) but I am here to teach them so much more than English. I teach them love on a daily basis-I hope; showing up for your students is of utmost importance and I hope they gather that from being in my class.

Below are some pictures from 'ice cream Friday' that lunch club (and then some) celebrates. It's a weekly holiday y'all! (Ok maybe only for lunch club but still.)

There is a little shop across from school and we always get 2 flavors in 1 scoop for 1 sole and a half. 

The Lord and I have gained so much intimacy with me being full time now. I play music in all my classes, and specifically play Christian music about 80% of the time. I worship Him on the way to school, and all day at school we commune because I have Truth being put in my ear and my students' ears all class period. I love watching them hum along to the melody of the chorus. It assures me that even when they are learning English-I can teach them about something that is more important to learn about than anything else--Jesus!

So. Life is going. It isn't perfect. I still struggle don't get me wrong. New struggles have come up as I have begun working full time. But at the end of the day I love my home being in Arequipa and don't plan on it changing anytime soon.

To all my AQP folks-love you all!! <3 p="">

Lessons upon lessons.

It's been one week since I reached the summit of Chachani, and what an athletic week it has been! I realized about 4 days before the end of the month that if I put in 3 long runs, I could make 200mi/321km for the month of October. I decided in my heart I was going to do it--once an idea in born within me, it WILL come to fruition. So, off I set for a 13 mile run, then a 12 miler, then finally a 14er. I was pretty wiped after but, it was SO worth it. I reached it, and promptly took care of my body and took a few days off. Hello recovery.
However, that was a one and done of counting my miles for the month. I know because of my past abuse of exercising, I would fall into a hole of always running x to get x miles for the month, and well-that is just unhealthy for me. I am thankful for the ability my body has to put down 39 miles in 3 days, and thankful for my progress in recovery to see recovery as just as crucial.

At the end of the 3 days. WOO!

Something happened to me last week that isn't comical to the normal person-but to us fellow crazy folks, it's just dang entertaining. (Shout out to Candiss for telling her husband and her friends about my endeavors happening over here via medication mix ups--because this isn't the first.)

So I take this one specific class of medication. Ok cool. I go to get more, and fast forward-I asked for a completely different type accidentally!! OHNO! So, unbeknownst to me I took it and set off for bed, and quickly realized I felt off. I had no idea why. Let's just say all my red flags of 'hello dummy take your medicine' were going off. But in my head I was like uh hello I did! So thankfully I was sending my woes to a buddy (shout out Madison!!) and she informed me I bought the wrong freaking thing. The next day was a hazy mess, and it made me relive the month of hell going to treatment, and how freaking thankful I am for recovery and stability. So, I got ahold of the correct medication, and all was well the next day. 

So-what was learned? Don't ask for the wrong class of medication--it will cause a significant downfall real fast. But thankfully I picked right back up the next day :)

A day in the life of a developing country--I walk in a pharmacy and ask for whatever I need. 

Shout out to Amanda for sending me the special edition suicide prevention color street nails!!
I love sporting them and all my friends are in love with them!

I have been re-reading my girl Rachel Hollis' book 'Girl, Spot Apologizing'. And, it is such a helpful read for people trying to figure out their life goals. Multiple of mine have been achieved by living here, and such progress in recovery happening, so I realized it's time to find some new ones. She has a trademark pattern (10,10,1) where she walks you through: writing out a detailed dream of your life in 10 years, then make 10 goals from that, and finally focus all your time and energy on ONE. She is adamant to not change too much at one time. (It's why all New Year's Resolutioner's fail. Sorry y'all--just stop. Diets suck. Move your body to celebrate you-not to 'work off' x food group. Side note.)

The sun greets you at 5am. No. Lie. 

I still don't have my work visa. It's really disheartening to of been here so long, and still without my own classroom. I am doing some culture classes and conversation clubs, but I don't have my own students. As terrified as I am to have them, I am ready to take on the challenge. 

I am thankful for my lunch club ladies to encourage me, and remind me how loved I am. They mean the world to me, and I *think* they like me back. ;) 

So...that's the week. Nothing special. Just living it up over here. Feeling blessed every day by the Lord of how this time of life is. Such a redeeming experience I wouldn't trade for the world. 

20,000 feet later.

20,000 feet/6,000 km in the air was reached about 6am on October 26, 2019.
There are so many things to say and so many emotions, that I am going to try to lay it out from the moment I left, to when I got back. Basically a 'race report' for a volcano climb.

Our crew!

8:30am me and 4 other French speaking people arrive at the agency. We get our stuff, and into a crammed SUV to go 3 hours up up up to about...I donno. 4,500 meters? Anyways, we start our what seemed to be tough trek to base camp--not even 2 hours. I thought it was so tough. Oh if future Meg only knew what was coming for her. 

Base camp.

This is what I wrote before laying down for the night.
I literally laugh at myself for being so dramatic. 

Our guide, Ronnie, mentioned that sometimes people can't sleep at high elevation. Our base camp was almost 17k feet (5k km)--serious elevation. So ladies and gentlemen, ya girl slept a total of ZERO hours that night. Wake up was around 12am, for breakfast at 12:30am, for departure at 1am. We stuck to schedule pretty well, and off we went into the night for what was going to be a tough morning. We started going up and real quickly I realized this was going to be tough. I started telling myself that I should just quit now; that I couldn't do it, but all the while I was still trekking. Poles in hand, big bookbag behind me. Next thing I knew it was time to stop and get water. We stopped about every 50 minutes to sit down/drink/eat.

One guy had to turn around about 2 hours into it because he just couldn't. So now there was no turning back--there was only 1 guide and 4 of us. A low point that is funny now, is one guy had just left from being sick, one girl was throwing up, and I was having a panic attack-at the same time. My panic attack occurred because of the negative thoughts of that I am not good enough to do this-but I worked through it. The poor guide had no idea what to do. So, we all gathered ourselves back, and off we went again-into the night. It was dark about 75% of the trek, which made it mentally TOUGH. Physical darkness is breeding ground for mental darkness. And darkness came. I had negative mantras playing in my head, but didn't stop. Crying yes-stopping no. I kept wanting the sun to rise, because I knew that meant we were getting close.

I looked behind me once the sun was up at a stopping point and started to cry because of how majestic the view was. It was truly stunning. Seeing yourself at the level of a mountain top is something that cannot be described. We weren't quite at the summit, so off we went. I kept turning around to see the view to remind me why I was still going; to see the view from the top-to be able to see 360 degrees of mountains/volcanoes under me.

I had a million layers on clearly. 

Me and the other girl were STRUGGLING our way up. I thought we had reached the summit, but turns out we had another 30 minutes to go; it was a false summit. I was so mad but had made it that far, ain't no way I was stopping there!

My fist bump buddy!

We could see the cross finally, and wow it was such a time of excitement. I reached the top with the 2 guys and our guide there congratulating me. The other girl was about 10 minutes behind us so we cheered her on. I looked around me and just started to cry because of how majestic it was. Y'all. There are no words to describe how breath-taking the sight is to see the entire world under you. There is nothing around here taller than Chachani, and wow was it incredible. There are no words available to be able to communicate the intimacy with the Lord during this time; it made all the hardships reaching the top endlessly worth it.

#nofilter

We stayed at the top for about 30 minutes then headed down. I had NO idea how tough that was going to be. It was way sandy. As in, sand went up your leg with every step you took. I had to learn new ways to walk, but could't figure it out so well. I fell about 50 times-no less, because it was so slippery with rocks and sand. At one point we SCALED the volcano. It was pretty scary. If you lost footing and fell, down down down you went. I honestly reached a low point where I needed the two guides to hold me and help me down this one tough part. It was humbling because I wanted to do it myself, but every time I tried, I would fall. Pretty sure we were all aggravated with me because they walked a little bit ahead of me because I couldn't get myself together from crying so much. It wasn't a pretty sight. Base camp was no where in sight, but I knew the longer I sat there crying, the longer I was going to be on the volcano, and I wanted OFF!

Check that out. 20,000 feet in Strava recorded!

Base camp finally came; we picked up, organized our stuff, and set off for the parking lot. Boy was the part I thought was so tough, so simple! Besides this one rocky part that got to me mentally, it didn't last long, and back to the trails we were. We reached the parking lot and yes, I cried again because I knew I was done! A small wind storm actually occurred and it was crazy. It was like a hurricane on the beach, but up on a volcano. It was blowing away our stuff, and the guys were chasing it, all the while sand was blowing by us. I personally sat there with my hat on, head down, because I was DONE.
We got back into the SUV and headed back to the agency. I felt like I was in such a daze all day because I had no idea what had happened. I had just witness the glory of God like never before, and didn't know what to do with it. I had thought about everything, yet nothing. I had moments of song lyrics, moments of repeating with every step 'better, stronger' *cred to Dave Hollis*. Moments of sadness, and joy. Unbelief I am climbing a volcano as my first climb.

This is my 'DONE!' picture. I asked the guide to take my pic and he said here? I said well I am not getting up so YEP.

So speaking of, where was God in all of this? Where was He NOT? A big crazy thing is, elevation sickness was my fear and my friends' fear for me. But, it didn't happen; not once. My head started to hurt the moment we got back to the parking lot. I literally laughed to myself and was like thanks God for making it happen now and not during any park of the trek-He knew I wouldn't of been able to handle that.
Another thing is despite my panic and tears, I didn't need any of my extra anxiety medicine. I was doing so much physical activity that I didn't even ponder needing this one specific one I couldn't take while on the volcano. Thanks God!
He was there in my darkness. While telling myself I couldn't do it, occasionally God would whisper to me to rely on Him for my strength; to fall into His arms with my tears because He can handle it. He is what started me on this journey up the volcano, and He saw it to completion with me.
When I think about the journey up and down, all I can do is praise the Lord for His goodness to let me experience it all. The intense darkness made the Light at the end have so much more goodness.

A cute small volcano. They were all around!

So folks I guess that's everything. I am sure I am forgetting some stuff, but that is the gist of it. If you are still reading thank you! Thank you for caring about my life and what all I experience moving abroad. This is one of the many reasons it's so cool. I can't wait for the next adventure, but for now I am catching up on my sleep.
Cheers!

You understand me.

~You understand me.

~So I throw all my cares before You.

My doubts and fears don't scare You.

You're bigger than I thought You were.

~I will rest in the Father's hands.

Leave the rest in the Father's hands. 

I clearly pay attention to what I wear when I walk out of the house.

I was watching Pinelakes live-stream and this glorious song came on at the end, and I realized how much it touched my heart. Literally, no one can comprehend my daily life. I speak minimal Spanish, I aimlessly teach culture classes waiting on my work visa, I read and workout a lot; I traveled across the globe (by my self) to meet and teach hundreds of new people. It is an experience that should be so much harder than it is, (praise the Lord!!) but let me not overlook that yes, it is a world that no one could've prepared for me. 

But, I am understood by the God of the universe. He knew what it would be like and He has graciously relieved me of more than I could fathom. I am understood because well...He's God. I will rest in that too. I mean, it's the only healthy option, and He helps me choose that every single day. I live in an unknown world. Sometimes the power goes out. Sometimes the water pipes freak out. Sometimes there's protests in the middle of the street; so many things we Americans take for granted. And, I am learning a whole new level of fearlessness. I am learning to throw every single day at the feet of Jesus. He is infinitely bigger than I ever imagined, and getting to experience that daily is an experience I hope to not take for granted. 

It really didn't taste good. Sad.

I live a boring, but repetitive life. It is something my therapist was adamant about to keep me in recovery. So practically what do my days look like? Get ready--it's THRILLING.
I wake up at 5:30, run/workout, shower, eat breakfast (the same thing every morning), go to school, eat lunch with my buddies, teach some, walk home, eat dinner, watch Netflix/read, go to sleep. It's basically the same thing I'd do in America. But, it's in Peru, and it's 10000000x better over here for me. 

After my longest run in AQP so far!

I am 3 weeks into #last90days with Rachel Hollis and it's been refreshing. I live seeking for gratitude moments, I pee a LOT from all the H2O I drink, I run a lot (almost 130 miles for October so far!), I am used to the sun waking me up at 5am. (Yes, the sun seriously rises about 5 am.) It is a great way to end the year on such a positive note. So many people tend to wait until January 1st to get their lives together, and by March all the hopes and dreams you thought of in January are laid by the waste side. I like last 90 days because it is a finite amount of time. It is a time to refocus and set yourself up for success.
So, life is going! Loving it still every day, and immensely thankful for all the Lord has blessed me with, and can't wait to see what the future holds.