So a profound moment happened in church yesterday. Let me back track a little bit.
As you know this summer my life turned upside down at kamp; I came home for gallbladder surgery. That was 2 1/2 months ago. About 3 weeks ago about 90% of what I ate went STRAIGHT through me-yes diarrhea. Hey it's my blog. Anyways it gets old to live off of sandwiches, rice cakes, and applesauce. So I went to the doctor this week and long story short they don't know whats wrong so are going to run some tests. Which kind-of freaks me out a bit because I still am stuck here and am living off of 'turkey and white American cheese wrap please'. My dad thinks it is not what I eat, but something about enzymes that I do not have.
SO.
With that it sucks because I have to randomly DASH to my room-I have had to skip English class once too, and I don't eat out much-heck I don't eat much at all period.
So I am going to the doctor up in Clinton while my family is in Gulfport-scary. I am glad I have awesome friends who go with the to the doctor. Emily came and as awkward as it could have been she just made the laugh the WHOLE time.
OK.
So back to the Lord. I have thought of the word 'healer' for the Lord in my life is like brokenness-that HE can HEAL my brokenness. However I can now look at it in a physical way. I have NOT a clue what is going on inside of me-but the Lord does. He can heal whatever the heck is up-only if He chooses. And He may not. We sure know the Lord did not choose to heal my gallbladder thus making me go home for surgery-which was all in His plan. So He does things like that for good-trust me. So yea. God as healer-spiritually, emotionally AND physically.
ON ANOTHER NOTE.
Class is going great! I fall in love with my major more and more everyday. No lie. This is my 3rd thing I have ever fallen in love with. 1-Jesus. 2-KT. Then my major. The Lord provides peace for me everyday- I don't second guess 'what if this isn't for me' because I enjoy it so much-passion is great. I love my music major friends-we talk in code I determined HA!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
getting old
So funny story. 2 days ago I go to sleep and feel GREAT. I wake up and my throat feels like it is going to fall off. I made an A on my first ear training test, had singing lessons too! Go to the healthplex and they said it's pharyngitis. BIG word for sore throat. Every time I swallow it is like knives man! So that sucks enough since it's my major and all.
As you know I had surgery this summer on my gallbladder. And the past two weeks NOTHING has stayed in my stomach and has gone straight through me. So when I take Imodium it works obviously. But that is not how to live-it will screw you up major. So I call my surgeon and he refers me to a gastro something something something..anyways big word for stomach doctor because obviously something is not right. And so I call my dad and we talk blah blah blah and so I have an appt. the 20th and I know I should not be scared however it is just a bit scary having to go to some big specialist building where I know no one and Lord knows what the heck tests they have to do and thus-I'm nervous because it just means I'm growing up. I am expected to do these things on my own, and it sucks. I would rather be 5 and lay in bed with pop-sickles. Instead I have to carry on with life-I'm being dramatic, but I think I'm allowed to be right now!
As I freak out this song comes on about God being faithful and man it is SO nice to KNOW and REST in the fact that God hold my life and your life in His hand. COMFORT.
As you know I had surgery this summer on my gallbladder. And the past two weeks NOTHING has stayed in my stomach and has gone straight through me. So when I take Imodium it works obviously. But that is not how to live-it will screw you up major. So I call my surgeon and he refers me to a gastro something something something..anyways big word for stomach doctor because obviously something is not right. And so I call my dad and we talk blah blah blah and so I have an appt. the 20th and I know I should not be scared however it is just a bit scary having to go to some big specialist building where I know no one and Lord knows what the heck tests they have to do and thus-I'm nervous because it just means I'm growing up. I am expected to do these things on my own, and it sucks. I would rather be 5 and lay in bed with pop-sickles. Instead I have to carry on with life-I'm being dramatic, but I think I'm allowed to be right now!
As I freak out this song comes on about God being faithful and man it is SO nice to KNOW and REST in the fact that God hold my life and your life in His hand. COMFORT.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Blessed
So I had an epiphany moment tonight. Ok...more like a God slapping me in the face moment.
Lets back up to last night.
I had my one-on-one with my RD and she has no idea who I am except like you know I am insanely hyper blah blah blah. So I tell just a little slice of my life. And I tend to complain more. And she brings up being thankful for what is already given to me. Example: I have parents (more than most kids...4) who love me very much and I know would do anything for me. I have a dad who can pay my way through school with no debt-most kids can't do that. I have the world's best friends. I have the BEST job and the best staff EVER- no really. I could go on of how many wonderful things I have.
However I just keep asking God to do this and to save this person and to help me do this and blah blah blah. All good things, but I am never satisfied where I am.
So tonight at church- there was this song. "never once did you let me walk alone....God you are faithful." And I have said "God you are faithful" like a zillion times. But for some reason tonight it clicked. That NEVER did He EVER LEAVE ME. This is MASSIVE to radically change your view of life.
I just can not get that out of my head. Now I sit here- 130am and I still need to practice a bit more but God is just moving so much today that I needed to process it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=722zPX1npcA&ob=av2e
This is the song. Please go watch it and be moved of how freaking AMAZING God is.
So my struggle that JUST became light to me is that I am never satisfied with what God is doing in my life. And- I just need to REST in what God is doing. IT IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
Lets back up to last night.
I had my one-on-one with my RD and she has no idea who I am except like you know I am insanely hyper blah blah blah. So I tell just a little slice of my life. And I tend to complain more. And she brings up being thankful for what is already given to me. Example: I have parents (more than most kids...4) who love me very much and I know would do anything for me. I have a dad who can pay my way through school with no debt-most kids can't do that. I have the world's best friends. I have the BEST job and the best staff EVER- no really. I could go on of how many wonderful things I have.
However I just keep asking God to do this and to save this person and to help me do this and blah blah blah. All good things, but I am never satisfied where I am.
So tonight at church- there was this song. "never once did you let me walk alone....God you are faithful." And I have said "God you are faithful" like a zillion times. But for some reason tonight it clicked. That NEVER did He EVER LEAVE ME. This is MASSIVE to radically change your view of life.
I just can not get that out of my head. Now I sit here- 130am and I still need to practice a bit more but God is just moving so much today that I needed to process it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=722zPX1npcA&ob=av2e
This is the song. Please go watch it and be moved of how freaking AMAZING God is.
So my struggle that JUST became light to me is that I am never satisfied with what God is doing in my life. And- I just need to REST in what God is doing. IT IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
Friday, September 2, 2011
friends?
I needed to blog again because there is a big part that I really underestimated. I miss my friends extremely. I feel like I don't have my friends from last year. And it is all my fault. They make plans with out me because I am always practicing. One of my friends whom I love dearly- I heard her making plans with another friend- and I said hello I didn't hear about that! And she said well you have gotten cooler and better friends. Well. The thing is-I don't hang out with anyone. I spend all my time in my room practicing or doing homework. The past week I have not had friends and yet I had a great week. I really want my friends back. But I don't know how to go about doing this because I am overwhelmed at my major. I suck at managing time. I want so badly to hang out with my old friends. To hang out with my BEST FRIEND- Michelle. Whom I have not had a freaking date with because we NEVER collide at the same time. I hate this. I am being high emotional about this obviously but I mean hey- friends are a big deal man. That's all. I miss my friends a lot. I wish I could change things.
Life as I know it
So I have not blogged since school has started. And let me be the first to tell you MUSIC MAJOR IS INCREDIBLY BUSY. I mean every major is busy. But literally. It is up there with pre-med people. I have not hung out with my non-music major friends because I have no time. I need to change that. I spend a LOT of time in my room being anti-social because I have to always practice. This weekend is labor day and I am so excited because it means no more homework can be assigned. PRAISE THE LAMB. I love my classes. It is the best feeling knowing I am exactly where the Lord wants me. I do believe He let me get there at my own time. No way I could have handled this last year. I needed to be unsure. Or 'sure' in my eyes, but really I knew it wasn't what the Lord had planned. I am glad to finally be here of-what my major is. Now the next step is-what I am going to do with it. No clue to be honest. I can pretend I know..REALITY CHECK- not a clue. And I am ok with that because God has proved to me MANY times that He always comes through. HE WILL GIVE AN ANSWER.
Like China-I am going to China in Christmas. I had a spout of uncertainty and I needed that to reassure myself of why I am going. I am going to China to share the gospel with people who have maybe never heard the name Jesus. I can stay home and tell my family all I want-they have heard it and hopefully see it from me. However-these Chinese people need hope from a Savior who provides it. I want to share that awesome hope I have. And also-when I get back I get to share the cool things God did with us to my family. It's a win-win situation. So China-prepare to meet MegAnderson :)
Let's go back to music-it's kind of my life right now and I enjoy it. It is VERY hard-I mean I get so aggravated to tears many of the times, but the feeling of understanding it is like none other. I love that feeling-might be an addiction-but I feel it's a pretty good one to have! I am still getting the hang of being a vocal major and not an instrumental major. I was not sure if I was going to like it, but I LOVE IT. We all relate to each other and can talk nerd and everyone understand it-I just love that part. And Aven Hall is the best. The lobby is like an exclusive club for music major/minors to hang out/chat/homework before class starts. I just love the music majors.
The other part of my life is RUSH with KT. It is fun and hard and great. We spend most nights from 9 to 12 together practicing for rush skits. I can not wait to get a little :)
The last part but just as important is my job. Being an RA. I am in love with it. No really. It is the best thing ever. I get paid-to socialize and talk to freshman on my hall pretty much. I mean there are some hard sketchy things that go on-but hey- it makes it all the more fun :)
Oh yea- Jesus is in there too. He is the most important part of life. I thought I was going to have a hard time spending time with Him-and I was right. I practice ALL the time- and the amount of time I give Jesus is nothing compared to what I should. However I am getting to put to practice what I learned at kamp-how to TOTALLY and completely depend on Him for everything in life. I am still trying to learn to balance my time-but that will come.
One sad part of life-I do not hang out with my friends from last year. It really burdens me because for some reason I am ok with it. I mean not satisfied at all but I mean- I don't mind spending all my time in my room practicing, and I NEED to be social with the people who care most about me. I am struggling with balancing out school and friends. Not that there can be too much school- but if so- I have surpassed that level. I need to learn to CHILL and enjoy my free time.
Like China-I am going to China in Christmas. I had a spout of uncertainty and I needed that to reassure myself of why I am going. I am going to China to share the gospel with people who have maybe never heard the name Jesus. I can stay home and tell my family all I want-they have heard it and hopefully see it from me. However-these Chinese people need hope from a Savior who provides it. I want to share that awesome hope I have. And also-when I get back I get to share the cool things God did with us to my family. It's a win-win situation. So China-prepare to meet MegAnderson :)
Let's go back to music-it's kind of my life right now and I enjoy it. It is VERY hard-I mean I get so aggravated to tears many of the times, but the feeling of understanding it is like none other. I love that feeling-might be an addiction-but I feel it's a pretty good one to have! I am still getting the hang of being a vocal major and not an instrumental major. I was not sure if I was going to like it, but I LOVE IT. We all relate to each other and can talk nerd and everyone understand it-I just love that part. And Aven Hall is the best. The lobby is like an exclusive club for music major/minors to hang out/chat/homework before class starts. I just love the music majors.
The other part of my life is RUSH with KT. It is fun and hard and great. We spend most nights from 9 to 12 together practicing for rush skits. I can not wait to get a little :)
The last part but just as important is my job. Being an RA. I am in love with it. No really. It is the best thing ever. I get paid-to socialize and talk to freshman on my hall pretty much. I mean there are some hard sketchy things that go on-but hey- it makes it all the more fun :)
Oh yea- Jesus is in there too. He is the most important part of life. I thought I was going to have a hard time spending time with Him-and I was right. I practice ALL the time- and the amount of time I give Jesus is nothing compared to what I should. However I am getting to put to practice what I learned at kamp-how to TOTALLY and completely depend on Him for everything in life. I am still trying to learn to balance my time-but that will come.
One sad part of life-I do not hang out with my friends from last year. It really burdens me because for some reason I am ok with it. I mean not satisfied at all but I mean- I don't mind spending all my time in my room practicing, and I NEED to be social with the people who care most about me. I am struggling with balancing out school and friends. Not that there can be too much school- but if so- I have surpassed that level. I need to learn to CHILL and enjoy my free time.
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