Quality over quantity this week.

Well, I made it past the 3 week mark with Pao (Spanish teacher), so I guess we can already claim this week as a win because I have fallen in love with learning Spanish! The Lord is so good, y'all. I got here and was so opposed to learning Spanish. I had no idea why, but I understand why now. Because if I had pursued it 6 months ago I wouldn't of gotten to work with Pao, and MAN is it fun. (Sorry again about falling asleep Friday..) I can't believe I look forward to school. Who am I? I wrote a 4 page essay in my journal so that was pretty empowering. Even with so many mistakes, it's cool to see how much I have learned.

New outfit I forgot to show off! <3 td="">

Church was so good Sunday, as always. I always wonder what it's like to live in a non-anxiety, non-eating disorder, non-mood disorder head. Chip was talking about the whole Paul having a thorn in his side to keep him humble. And I was like LOL God- YES. He made a joke about the game 'would you rather' and asked one. 'Would you rather have no pain but no presence and power of God, OR experience pain but have the presence and power of God.' And..I had a moment of questioning. Like, MAN that would be nice to just be a stable person. And then God was like, Meg. Without your journey you wouldn't be NEAR as close to me and seen parts of me few people get to experience. I was like-you right God. So, life will happen. Pain will come, but God's power and presence will be with me, and will draw me near to Him and keep me humble while loving me all the way through.

Paul goes on to say basically he stopped asking God to remove the thorn from his flesh, because he shifted his focus from WHAT is wrong, to WHO is right. I am not sure I'll ever have that kind of faith, but that sure is a #goals. Not to rejoice at the pain, but the outcome of it. 

So, I run on this highway and I ALWAYS see another runner on it, and it is so fun.

So, that is pretty much it. I run, teach, learn Spanish, see AnaLu (she is gone for 2 weeks so no enlightening therapy paragraph), eat, and sleep. 
EXHILARATING. 
But, I love my life here endlessly. I might not be doing perfect, but I am happy, and loving seeing Christ be magnified in me. 

After missing a week, you'd think I would have more pictures.

I somehow skipped a week! Well, I know why. Spanish school has started and the moment that happened, I said good-bye to my free time. My new life is 13 hour days (Monday-Friday) and when I see Jenni (dietitian) it is over 14 hours. But, I am loving it. I am LOVING Spanish school. I have the BEST teacher a girl could ask for. Her name is Pao. We talk a lot. Ok...I talk a lot😂. On day 3 we were doing adjectives, and she said talkative for me. I laughed so hard. #truth She teaches me so many things, but it isn't overwhelming. Ok that's a lie but, it isn't as bad as last time. I informed her I quit 3 weeks into lessons last time so if I make it to a month it'll be a big deal. (I am sure that's great to hear as a teacher. Sorry Pao.) But, I plan to. I am seeing results. I am understanding more. I also study a lot.
Christ is giving me such power to sustain myself. I don't feel like I am falling (yet). If (when) that happens, I will rearrange my life; for now I stand in awe that I have such intense days and still am madly in love with living here. If you would've told me that my life would be this crazy, I would've told you it is impossible for me. But, God. God is giving me so much joy during the craziness that, I wouldn't want my life any other way. (Ok maybe time to not eat lunch on the go would be nice.)

My every weekend hang out spot. SB. They have great cookies, and not so great WiFi.

I mentioned this on FB/insta but. It relates to running as well. February 2nd, ya girl will be attempting a 42km (26.2 mile) run. I am PUMPED. But, that emotion came after some intense shame. Johnny (my Englishman friend) and I went to sign-up. They signed him up. It comes my turn and I inform them I am doing the 42km. They looked at me like....seriously? So, the guy began to question me more than once. Johnny jumped in and told them I run a lot and can do it. The guy even asked how far I've run. Johnny goes 'She's done an Ironman' and proceeded to tell them the distances. That was a great moment to watch their faces. 😎 So, that moment was something. I felt such shame that I shouldn't be running that far. Because I don't look like a distance runner, despite being one. But, no. The story doesn't end there. After feeling defeated, I picked up myself, ordered lunch, and continued my recovery journey. It might be rocky right now but, this stupid guys comment will not set me back. (Easier said than done.) Meg-1. Eating disorder-0.
SO. I am running 42km in 2 weeks. I can't wait. Do Peru runs get their own category since it's so high above sea level? I think so. I did my last long run and I needed the confidence it gave me. I felt strong. Empowered. Capable. Awesome.

Johnny, and his sweet daughter. We signed up together and grabbed a 'cuppa' after.

Something interesting is happening. So lemme back up real quick. We realized I needed a dietician and blah blah blah I got connected back to Jenni. Jenni was my first dietitian at Fairhaven who I clicked SO well with. When she left I was so sad, because I never thought I'd have her guidance in my life again. Until now. I am SO blessed and blown away by God for my stellar treatment team. The best dietitian for me, and the best therapist for me. All in Peru. Who'da thought? God. That's who.

So, Jenni realized something that I've known but, she is calling it out. I have INTENSE food aversions here. Separate from my eating disorder mind you. I mean they overlap of course, but, that's not where it's based. I don't want to try anything. I eat the same 10 foods and have been for 6 months. I honestly had just accepted my fate of living off PB&J's, chicken, potatoes, pasta, chickpeas, nuts, and cookies. However, praise the Lord for Jenni seeing more than I say. She said, why don't you eat more. I said, it freaks me out. And, that is where everyone else says 'oh it's because you're in a different culture-you'll get used to it.' Sorry people, but that might be for some people, but with crazy food aversions, that just isn't possible. Jenni told me, 'nothing changes, if nothing changes.' And though that was hard to hear, she is SO right. So, I have made a few things I haven't done yet here. It isn't easy, but it is nice to have new foods (old foods because it's stuff I eat in the states mind you-these are not crazy things.)

Chachani was just so beautiful with the snow, I had to snap a quick picture.

AnaLu and I talk about so so many intense things lately, and she made a comment basically saying that she is thankful I am in a mentally good place to be able to handle these topics. And, she's right. A few weeks ago I was struggling to stay afloat. I couldn't talk about anything other than the consuming darkness. (Blog attached.) But, I am out of the darkness. I am back into light, and for that I am thankful. I am glad I don't struggle with looking to 5 months later when the same thing will happen. I am learning and truly living in each day. I am enjoying so many beautiful parts of life. I am endlessly thankful for the ability to talk about such intense things, and to be able to support my friends after they supported me so much.
So, life ain't stopping, but it's so good. It isn't perfect, and struggles are real, but Christ is bigger than them all. He came for all my mess ups, and what news that is!

Live Again

Well, school is starting back and I am sure I will blog about my new cycles, and of course starting Spanish school. So, I wanted to jump on here and write a short blog of between January 1st and now.

My pre-therapy picture spot.

New Year's is really not a holiday I am one to celebrate-I like sleep too much ha! In America, my friends and I have a 'thing' where you run the year in miles. So, in 2019 we ran 20.19 miles, so naturally I had to run 20.20 miles January 1st. So, I ended up starting a bit late, but still rang in the new year exactly as intended! I felt great at the end and am ready for marathon season!

So happy I felt so good!

This is what happens when you run outside all the time in shorts, and spend 3 days in Chivay.

The main point of this blog is my new song. It is called 'Live Again' by Sean Curran. 

Here are some of the lyrics: 

'The blink will see, the sick will stand.

Sing hallelujah with confidence. 

When the lies come from every side...

I'll remember the thousand times,

You love has won, this is far from over. 

I believe in Your name miracles will happen.'

So, that is pretty powerful for several friends right now. So much heart break going on, and this song provides so much hope. He is a God of healing, but not only physically. God can move mountains; He can save even the most lost person. That is pretty comforting for the weary soul. Jesus tells us to take our cares to Him, and this is something I personally am going before the Lord with for my buds. And myself.

My anxiety is steadily getting worse. I have began to backslide and my eyes were opened to that I am need to experiment with meds yet again. But this time, in Peru! WAHOO! *note sarcasm*. It is terrifying, but I am trusting in the Lord. AnaLu encouraged me to just bring this one to Jesus. That is something that makes me feel awkward if we are being honest, because well medicine and Jesus in my head are separate but, Jesus is in EVERYTHING. He gave doctors such great brains and wisdom to make modern medicine to save lives, including mine, and for that I am grateful and praise the Lord for. So, new medicine in, old one out. It's not an easy process, and requires a lot of brain power and effort on my part. But, let's see what happens. Stay tuned.

Thankful for great buddies like this guy. Ya see, Johnny works for the 'other' school (Britanico) so of course we make many jokes about that. He is a fellow stupid crazy runner. He has run 100 miles! So, he is a fun lad to talk to. He is from the U.K. so half the time I have no idea about his little phrases, but I am learning! He is a refreshing breath of talking 'run' language.

So, life is picking back up. I am a bit nervous to try Spanish school and teaching full time at the same time, but if I can't handle it then I drop Spanish school and can say I tried. I know my limits and I have learned where to push, and where to stop.