I will look back and see that You are faithful.

This is a sweet time of life. I love reading the blogs I posted 1 year ago. I had some wise words that came to me from a place of Self, and I'd like to share one monumental paragraph that I believe rings true for every person battling some type of mental illness.

"I believe in miracles; modern-day miracles...Not necessarily never taking another psychiatric med again, but having enough self-love to know that I DESERVE modern medicine for when I get walking pneumonia AND for when I have a panic attack and need help. To believe that God is still Sovereign over brain chemicals by PROVIDING doctors to design things to help me manage my fallen nature."

I'll never grow tired of yogurt-shameless plug.

So. That's where I am at. A season of gratefulness. Today at church we sang the song that I deem that time of life song. One part is, 'I will look back and see that You are faithful. I look ahead believing You are able.'
One year ago I clung onto the fact that one day I would look back and see His faithfulness; I couldn't see it then; all hope seemed lost.
However, now is that time. I get to look back and stand in awe that He saved my life; that I still have breath in my lungs; that I have a body strong enough to carry me through a half-marathon.
I am getting to redeem the city where it all fell apart. God so graciously is giving me everything back that I had before my breakdown. I get my old roommate, my Clinton running guys, my church family,  my old therapist who started this whole journey with me, my dietitian who knows how to call me out just when its' needed, and the best of all-my glorious job at Fleet Feet back. I am simply head over heels and beam with happiness every time someone says 'welcome back!' because I still can hardly believe it.

first day back at work!

I tend to forget to mention what the heck is up with me running wise. Well, I'm running St. Jude half, and then after that who knows! The options are endless. I know my 'fast days' are behind me for the moment, and that's ok. There's a season for everything, and this is my season to rebuild and reground my life, not with my identity in my speed and distance. To just be a 'normal' runner.....whatever that means anyways.

So. That's that. Our series at church is 'Lord, I am grateful', and every October and November I will forever live in thankfulness for the grace He showed me in that darkness; for the redemption process I am getting to experience; for the foundation I am recreating for myself back here in Jackson.

I surely will look back and see that You are faithful.

Hopeful transitions

So I started this blog post a week before I left Fairhaven (yes 5 weeks ago). Here was my first paragraph:
"The countdown is on 'til one of those life-changing transitions happens; where rubber meets the road; where recovery is sought without the realms of treatment. A part of me is ready to leave tomorrow, while still holding that it's not quite time. I'm still learning things, experiencing successes and struggles, doing projects that all help pave my path to this being 'it'; to never need to walk through those doors again. (Plug that I'm eternally grateful for FH, but the process to get to need it--not so much.)"

My therapist, Megan (left) and dietician, Hannah (right) whom
I still miss on the regular.

Fast forward a month later, and yet another hopeful transition is taking place.
In case you didn't get the memo-I moved from treatment life down to the coast to live with dad and Dawn (his GF).
The moments I remembered all too well started again. Emotional instability occurred. Old Meg was trying to come back no matter how hard I fought.
BUT. This story doesn't end badly. This time I handled myself differently. I assessed the situation, and realized that Jackson is home. Jackson might be where my downfall(s) happened, but Jackson is also where #mytribe happened; where all my friends rallied around me to support me as best they could. So, Jackson is the place I want to get back into real life.

Mah roomie, Renee'!!!

So what does that entail? Beautiful things, my friends.
1) living with my old roommate, Renee', who handled/handles all of this/me so well. Couldn't ask for a better friend to be a roommate. Also to the addition is Chelsea, new roommate for me!
2) going back to my treatment team: Susan, my therapist, and Olivia, my dietician. These 2 were there when it was good and there when it was down. I can't wait.
The third piece is one I can't even believe I get to type.
3) I GET TO GO BACK TO WORKING AT HOME: FLEET FEET. After the craziness I put Les and my FF fam staff through, I wasn't sure about it. But, Les and FF, proving just how much of a family we truly are, is giving me a second chance (ok like a 4th chance if we are being honest).
4)  back to my church family, Pinelake. That staff prayed me through the month leading up to FH. That church family accepted my craziness and loved me through it.
Furthermore back to my kiddos. I LOVE kids ministry. Getting to pour some Jesus into kids every Sunday is something I truly look forward to every single week.
5) back to my running friends in Clinton- aka: 'the guys'.

'the guys' plus Amanda, Allie (not pictured), and me

So, I am back to my old life, as new Meg.
Excited is an understatement.