I will look back and see that You are faithful.

This is a sweet time of life. I love reading the blogs I posted 1 year ago. I had some wise words that came to me from a place of Self, and I'd like to share one monumental paragraph that I believe rings true for every person battling some type of mental illness.

"I believe in miracles; modern-day miracles...Not necessarily never taking another psychiatric med again, but having enough self-love to know that I DESERVE modern medicine for when I get walking pneumonia AND for when I have a panic attack and need help. To believe that God is still Sovereign over brain chemicals by PROVIDING doctors to design things to help me manage my fallen nature."

I'll never grow tired of yogurt-shameless plug.

So. That's where I am at. A season of gratefulness. Today at church we sang the song that I deem that time of life song. One part is, 'I will look back and see that You are faithful. I look ahead believing You are able.'
One year ago I clung onto the fact that one day I would look back and see His faithfulness; I couldn't see it then; all hope seemed lost.
However, now is that time. I get to look back and stand in awe that He saved my life; that I still have breath in my lungs; that I have a body strong enough to carry me through a half-marathon.
I am getting to redeem the city where it all fell apart. God so graciously is giving me everything back that I had before my breakdown. I get my old roommate, my Clinton running guys, my church family,  my old therapist who started this whole journey with me, my dietitian who knows how to call me out just when its' needed, and the best of all-my glorious job at Fleet Feet back. I am simply head over heels and beam with happiness every time someone says 'welcome back!' because I still can hardly believe it.

first day back at work!

I tend to forget to mention what the heck is up with me running wise. Well, I'm running St. Jude half, and then after that who knows! The options are endless. I know my 'fast days' are behind me for the moment, and that's ok. There's a season for everything, and this is my season to rebuild and reground my life, not with my identity in my speed and distance. To just be a 'normal' runner.....whatever that means anyways.

So. That's that. Our series at church is 'Lord, I am grateful', and every October and November I will forever live in thankfulness for the grace He showed me in that darkness; for the redemption process I am getting to experience; for the foundation I am recreating for myself back here in Jackson.

I surely will look back and see that You are faithful.