Life ponderings because why not; because we need to be empty.

Well.  In case you didn't know, I did an Ironman a little over 3 weeks ago.
This is when I'm supposed to be figuring out my life, like I said I was going to do.  And I have hit all the phases; from being tired, to emotional, to mad, and sad.  Yeah.  Recovery isn't for wusses!

Anyways.  Not the point of the blog.

So.  Let's go back to the 'figuring out my life' thing.

And. I 've come to a few conclusions.

1) For the Love

After reading what can be a life-altering book, I am trying to view life itself differently; ('For the Love').  One chapter this is the pondering for a calling: 'If it's not true for a single, Christian, Haitian mom, then it's not true for me.' AKA: there isn't some life changing moment(s) she experiences to know her 'calling'.  It's her kids, her house, making sure they all get food, have a roof.  There is no 'options', and if there is she just does what she thinks is best for her household.
Why can't we approach life this way?  Why does it have to be some 'crazy' thing?  Why can't I just work at Fleet Feet because it's where I am right now. 

Yes...I am pondering Peru.  Yes I am genuinely not sure yet.  Yes I have a slew of reasons, and that's ok.  But.  At the end of it all, I need to do what is best for me; that end hasn't been determined.

2) Emptying ourselves. 

'As soon as we're empty of ourselves, there's a place for Christ, because only then are we in any sense ready to recognize and accept Christ as the totally other, who is not me.'

So.  I've been studying Romans with a bud from work, and we are in chapter 2.  It's all about the 'bad news', and how you can't grasp the good news without genuinely seeing the bad news within yourself.  And.  That's just it.  I need to be completely empty at the throne of Christ before He has a place in my life.  He can't come in unless there's space for Him.  And space can't be found until you know you need to clear out your bad news.  And quite honestly I haven't cared to make space; to know change will happen.  But.  No.  I'm ready to empty myself; I am becoming ready to recognize and accept Christ as my total other.  He is the only other.

Certainly not saying I'm there, but I am saying I'm ok with trying.  I'm ok with taking the risk.  He is worth it.

3) Serving 2 gods.

I always think of the verse that says 'you can't serve God and money'.  And.  Quite honestly I have always thought of it in the sense of 'I have my own struggles of life, but that is not one of them, so that part doesn't apply to me.'  But.   I have never pondered replacing 'money' with my own struggles.  You can't serve God and popularity; you can't serve God and exercise; you can't serve God and whatever else.  So.  That's interesting.  Replace your 'thing' with money.  And deal with that; live this day serving God.  Live this day instead of trying to 'not do whatever', but by just simply living for HIM, thus in process sin will decrease.

There you have it.  I'm happy to be done IM training.  I am back pondering, reading, learning, failing, growing, struggling.  I'm back trying to process with the blog world; because it's worth it.