Like a small boat in the ocean

This sure has become my fight song year.
My beautiful or beautiful disaster choosing time.
Change is circumstance, because nothing ever comes without a change year.
The 'Can't write my story, I'm beyond the archetype' mantra for each day.

One year ago we started making 'slow' slightly-life altering changes to my brain, chemically speaking.  Fast forward to now.  The 'rather fast' majorly- life altering changes to my brain, chemically speaking, are hindering the life I live now.  I love life; I love my roommate, Fleet Feet, coaching, teaching kiddos at Pinelake; becoming a mid-20's alongside others', and doing life with a plethora of y'all along the way.

I am currently like a car stuck in the mud.  The harder I/we try, the deeper down the tires go; the tougher it gets to come out.  When I spin the wheels more, the mud splatters all over, and the whole car goes deeper into the hole.  The way to get out is to SELAH (pause), and approach the car as a whole, not just the tires that are stuck.

This journey has escalated more than it ever should of.  Thanks to Susan/Dad/Dawn we have made some decisions to figure this out. There's not a way to secretly leave or subtly go into this. 

My favorite color flowers, with glitter; thanks to Keating for making hard work days not as rough!

I am going to an inpatient/residential treatment center for 6-8 weeks to live there, and figure out what is and isn't going on in my brain.  I am currently on the 'waiting' list for where seems best, and are working with my doctors to get me to a point to be deemed 'appropriate' for it all. I will leave everything planned; stop life.  Getting to reach this point is no fun, but realizing it is the difference. I will come back and continue on at FF (duh) and pick up coaching again.  I will come back ready to pour out because I myself will be stable enough to.

There's lot to say.  Lots of questions.  Lots of unknown.  Lots of worry.

So, here's a few tips/what/how-to's:

1) Pray for supernatural peace for my family, wisdom for my doctors, strength for all of us.  Pray that in my rapid lows I trust He is good-always..

2) Remember this whole shindig is a disease; a chronic disease.  I'm coming to grips with just that 'simple' fact.  Learning to accept, and how to manage it all.  Realizing this is a 'fault' of no one; nothing to be ashamed of; simply feeling my way through the realms of life.

3) Remember I am going to be away and life here will keep going, so I gotta be updated on what is happening here.  I'll be allowed snail mail so write away! I am not a 'presents' person but can go for some scratch paper and a hand-written letter on it.  Hello I need to be up to speed on the saga's and drama and who did what when I come back!!  Ok, but really, just know I want to know about you; to not feel bad about telling me your life-I want to know.
4) Know that I am going to be missing it here extremely, but know this is the best decision for me.  Know that it makes me sad/upset/all of the above as it does you.  I just feel everything differently at this point.

man I love coaching -I hope my friends at CC will be into sports! 

There's lots to say and lots to process.  But I know I'm not alone in this one.  I appreciate all the positive thoughts, and can tell you this fight is a big one.  Know I am fighting hard- always, but also know the 2 things I am up against are fighting me back equally as hard.

It's time to get more armor and more ammo!  That means going to the store.  But not the store down the road; to get ready for big battles you go to the best available place.  That's what's happening, and we are making preparations for this journey!

Peace out.  (Ok let's be honest another blog with come soon-ish I'm sure)