Be the are.

I have had so many thoughts towards life the last 6 weeks.  I read a blog and this is a small snippet from it that I loved.

"I was so scared.  I could feel it draining the life out of me, only to drown me.  But now I am no longer afraid; I will not let myself be dragged by the tide to drown, I will fight against it and swim.  I will swim to the life I've always wanted to live.  I will swim, and I will live."

 

As you know, life has been hitting me pretty hard.  I am not quite sure what to do with all of it if we are being honest here.  I have gone from the extreme of pondering quitting; if 'this' is worth it, to praising the Lord for recovery and how it's the best thing ever.  And, somewhere in there lies this beautiful medium that I will find and master for more than I am succeeding at for now.  But this is all about progress and I have made it farther than I dreamed possible.  I wish I could express how much of my brain power recovery takes; it truly is Ironman 2.0.  So that's where more of my thoughts are being given to; more than I'll ever give off; fighting against the tide to live.  Post 3O you would assume the fight looks different, but I am learning everyday that the method to swim against the tide looks vastly different, and I have to appreciate the flotation devices being thrown at me in various forms.

The extreme that has no 'negative' extreme to counteract is my appreciation for my tribe.  Work has quite a few new people who were not with me back in October when this whole process started; who were not here in December and January when I kept leaving work because of mishaps.  But nonetheless my work family, of course, is just as strong no matter the group of people.  However, the people who have been here for all of it simply astound me for never changing towards me.  I could sing and proclaim how thankful I am for that stability amidst the craziness of my life. 

 

Having this boot, the car stuff, and getting walking pneumonia TWICE now could cause a 'normal' person to be a bit...sporadic.  Throw it on a girl with some unbalanced brain powers that rely on modern medicine to keep stable; now that could be a good story!  But praise for all of those things because I am still here.  I hate having to miss work because of being sick because work is where happiness is found for me.  It's where no matter what is going on, I will always have a blast with my co-workers, and the variety of customers.  The place I get to be Meg and help people in process.  The post-work beer on occasion with co-workers is always nice too ;)

 

 

So.  For now my word is 'be'.  Susan and I have been talking a lot about 'being'; not acting on our extreme emotions.  That is what got me here in the first place, and it's what will get me out.  Also, knowing that feelings are.  Feelings are..period; that's all. So I came up with 'be the are'. 

Simply exist and not act 'be'; with the present feelings 'are'.

Be the are.

*As far as practically speaking--I go to the doctor later this week to see what the heck is going on with my foot.  Stay tuned to see what is coming my way!*
*My bouts with walking pneumonia have taken me out hard, so after the second time I am seeing I have to come back slower than I fathomed*
*My car is wonderful and I am still in process of getting everything squared away from June, but I am endlessly thankful for Summer!!!*

Til next time.