Life is so dramatic at times

So I go back to Clinton for good in 4 days..yes THAT IS IT. I feel like that lame freshman that is entirely nervous to make friends again. Why? Well first I am an RA and I am extremely nervous my girls won't like me. And second, I am a music major and it's a cult basically and I hope everyone likes me.

I still can not get kamp off my mind. I am having THE hardest time giving this one to God. No I will happily give my family's salvation over to Him, give Him my major, where I went to school..blah blah blah..but kamp is a completely different level for me. I have a wonderful friend who pointed out that I was being super self-centered in my talking of kamp. 'I' want to go back next year to get pictures, 'I' want to go back to get a boy, 'I' want to go back to finish what I started..etc. But never ONCE did I say 'I' want to go SERVE the Lord..the whole POINT of kamp.
So today on my car ride home it hit me that I may not go back to kamp if I don't have the right intentions..so I'm just crying my eyes out yes, while driving, because I may not get what I want-but if it is what God wants I will accept it. Cuz I mean He is God and all.

I also now know someone kinda personally that is spending eternity in Hell. And that has dramatically changed my view on everything. I always think I wonder if I could have done something, or said something. But...I know that God has a plan, and maybe now someone can come to Christ because of him..but it doesn't make it easier.