This blog is one that I never thought I would write. I officially discharged from 3O; signed off my name and that place/experience is merely a memory. Geez. This journey has been longer than I'll ever be able to communicate. One that has gone on for far too long and I am more than thrilled to say that I have 'started' the race, and life is at my fingertips-cautiously. HELLLLLLLO RECOVERYYY! I will live the next 6 months or so on such a guard. Satan knows that I have been beating him to the ground daily, and he HATES that. He wants to drag me down to the depths of secret self-pity, fears, shame, doubt, and ultimately death. My 'self' still/will always feel the depth of sinful nature, but PRAISE for practical, useful things that God uses to help us heal; to seek recovery daily like all the skills I have learned at Three Oaks.
I could write for eternity for my thankfulness for 3O. They have saved my life as I know it, and I am loving getting to experience life moment-by-moment. This last week has been all about 'checking off' everything I have been anticipating. I wanted to leave 3O 100% confident; knowing I accomplished every last item on my plan, and I have. I know God lets me struggle along with this daily/will always to bring me to a place of brokenness. I now have to task myself with applying what I learned DAILY. It reminds me of how in Matthew it says to deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Him. It's the SAME principal. I have to remind myself DAILY that I can't do this whole 'thing' myself. No matter how much I want to run my own life, I have proven time and time again I simply can't, and gosh I just hope and pray fearlessly to stay there. 3O has helped me see another side of life that I knew existed but didn't comprehend. I am going to miss that place more than ever. That place/that group is where life was found for myself, and my group members. I never thought a group of 6 or so guys would be the people I sought recovery with, but hey...I wouldn't change a thing! Those guys know more of me than I dreamed would happen, and I am so thankful for this. I know them just as much and have loved getting to see inside other peoples' depths of brains.
I am back full-time, and I think everyone at work is just as thrilled as I am. I genuinely care about each person that walks in the door of FF. Not that I didn't before, but I have such a different approach, and I know it's because of all the ways I have grown up. I think that is what truly happened there for me. I never expected 3O to impact my experience at FF, and I didn't think I could love/enjoy work anymore, but geez here we are. Our staff (as I have stated MAYBE once before ;)) is my family through and through and they sure proved that endlessly through this. Every single person-not a dang one excluded- NEVER made me feel awkward/less loved for going there everyday and having to cut back major hours; this is something that is madly respected for FF as a whole. I was never looked down upon for all the times I had to spontaneously leave because certain days just didn't work like I thought they would go. So. Again. Here we are. My FF fam is here; never leaving; always changing, yet consistently the same ending and that is beautiful.
There are many people that have started to mosey on out of my life, yet a plethora of people that made themselves known during all of this and jumped in. That in and of itself has meant more to me than I'll ever communicate. Going through treatment, I was told, was going to show me who my real friends are/support is, and 'they' were right. If you made it this far with me; thank you. A simple 'thank's' will never communicate my love and admiration I have for everyone who has thought of me/texted/called/prayed/loved me through this. JUST like IM training, it sure takes a village, and I truly have the best one a girl could have. Though I wouldn't of sought this on my own without 3O, I surely wouldn't of ever made it through all the rough times involved within it without my support system; my tribe. I held that group of people close to me, and thrived off of their care for me. It feels so nice to be 'here' everyday and able to start investing fearlessly in things other than all the books I am assigned for homework, and more in FF, and Pinelake (WHICH I JOINED LAST SUNDAY WHOOP!!!!).
So. Here we are. Hello start line. You were crossed and it's off to the races we go! I never want to go back to life before now, and am elated at what lies ahead.
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