The lack of in's and outs, but all the thankfulness for week 7 coming up.

6 weeks of #3oaksmeetsmeg is finished and there's so much I've learned I don't know where to begin! I wish I could tell y'all the in's and out's of what group is like because it's one of those experiences that is impossible to replay, is desired to be relived once finished (I hear), yet never wished upon anyone. 

I am going down to 3 days a week for the next little while because life is getting unmanageable without any time to function as a person outside of those 4 walls, and everyone at Three Oaks believes I can handle it which is encouraging.  I am not finished at treatment, but I am certainly making strides to learn as much as I can while seeking recovery.  We learn about mindfulness; how to practice 'radical acceptance'.  We process the shallow parts of the day, and relate them to the inmost parts of our being which is only able to happen in a group setting.  We learn the details of each others families, and help each other connect dots we couldn't do on our own.  The people in my group are one in a million; I love those people more than I've ever loved a group of people because the closeness that is felt is pretty indescribable.  There are so many times I 'go therapy' on myself and my friends and I wouldn't want to be any other way.  I do so much 'homework' it's crazy, but I decided on day one that I will only get as much out of this as I put in, and I sure plan to hit this point of  life once!  Getting to actively seek recovery with my group members is pretty cool.  I must say: my view on drugs and alcohol have been so radically altered it's pretty cool.  There is so much more that goes into it than I ever thought fathomable and I am honestly finally thankful I get to be here.

How can you not find this wonderful; art therapy is on Thursday's!

But.  Lately I am overwhelmed with the providence of God.  He knew at this time I would crash and need to be at a place to be able to spontaneously leave my job, my life, my everything, and yet still be able to rely on all those things somehow.  God, of-course, in His power gave me Fleet Feet; Renee'; no commitments to any race, and lets me leave them and still participate in them. 
God knew I didn't need to go to Peru; be an RD; go grad school.  All those things were simply myself running from myself.  I simply followed what I 'felt' was right, and praise the Lord for that one!!! I can't fathom being in Peru having to hit this moment.  I can't fathom having to leave the country right now--I couldn't. 
So, it's simply awe-striking to know 2 years ago when I applied for Fleet Feet, simply because I love running, that God had bigger plans than I ever dreamed of.  It's the best feeling talking about my staff in group; how supportive they are of me; letting me pace myself when I do go to work and including me like I am still there all the time.  Getting to talk about my boss, Lesley, being my friend too, and an incredibly patient woman; still keeping me, and encouraging me all the way through.  And even getting to run with her on Wednesday's!  I can't fathom losing my job to go to treatment, and am endlessly thankful I have Fleet Feet to not only walk with me through it, but anxiously awaiting when I get to go back full time.  Group knows my love for my job, for my sport, and for my Lord.  If that is my identity for the moment; I am content with that.

#mytribe #lovemyvillage

The last few weeks I was struggling with the concept of my lack of hanging out with my friends because I my availability is very limited, but I realized that I am getting to see my real friends through all this; see those who are curious into my life, and wanting me in theirs.  Some of it is good; some hard; all of it is an experience that was needed.  My tribe ended up being some people I didn't expect to enter, but I know that I can't make it without them.  So many words and 'feels' are experienced everyday when I share random snippets during breaks and continuously get encouragement.

So.  For now.  I am thankful.  Thankful that God is powerful and managing of my unmanageable life.  Thankful that He provided the perfect place for this experience.  I shouldn't be surprised because..He is God.