I usually like to wait until Saturday to blog, but DAD is coming up so I'm sure I would have lots of happy things to say and steer away from the depth of what I am learning-so I blogged a day early.
There is SO much learning going on. Struggling. Enduring. Tears. Laughs. Fears. Successes. I won't ever say failures because being here within itself is nothing short of failure.
I am learning about core beliefs and how skewed mine are. I am learning the value of good food; that the new numbers I am consuming is fuel. I'm learning that 100 calories isn't a big deal. I am accepting the vitality that Fairhaven is truly saving my life. I am accepting that diagnoses aren't an I AM statement but an I HAVE one. That I have a fabulous job family; I have bipolar; I have 2 arms; I have pretty hair. You know. Throw it all in.
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| Art therapy is the JAM! This is a snow storm; a great depiction of where I am at with life. Snow can be beautifully calm, yet rage filled, destroying everything in its' path; never without hope because of the Son. |
I wanted to think of the 'perfect' phrase; the 'something' that everyone will love and accept. But, I kept thinking of this one particular verse; "I didn't want to use THIS one-there HAS to be something better." Exodus 14:14 just seemed silly-I mean gosh I just need to be still.
BUT surrounding v. 14 is the beauty of recovery. The Lord is fighting for me yes, BUT is practically helping me seek life; finding the freedom to the other side of the water. The Lord didn't let Moses lolly gag around-NO! He told Moses to ACT; to DO something to help the Israelite's. That the Egyptians would be GONE. The Lord provided for them, and Moses ACTED on the provision. THAT is how recovery works. I am given Fairhaven; I am SO thankful for the provision and perfect timing for this place. I am truly eternally grateful for my individual therapist Kelley, and my dietitian Jenni. They get to help me find new life. They deal with all my questions, hesitancy, happy moments, intense moments, and everything in between. They challenge me, let me complain about how hard it is, but know they are altering the course of the rest of my life. And THEN I get to put into practice what I am given.
13 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
15 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelite's to move on. 16 Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelite's can go through the sea on dry ground.
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| Welcome to Fairhaven; we have fun dogs that enjoy each other's company just like their mama's! |
So. This place is pretty stellar. I am learning about how my bipolar and eating disorder go together. That the trauma of my attempting to deal with my lack of balanced brain was apart of the starting and culmination of my ED. That is was my mal-adaptive coping skill. This is all honestly pretty surreal to 'blog' on-but I just don't want you to miss the vitality; the miracle in all of this. That I never thought I'd be 'that girl'. It's surreal knowing so many people know I am 'getting help' for my brain- can I just state the obvious that it's kinda scary yet incredibly freeing! It's so helpful for me to blog through, but if you get to learn from it to then that is an ultimate win. I love answering questions to help you process and understand more, but know it simultaneously helps me all the same.
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| Welcome to recovery. I get yummy breakfast like granola, apples, and PB in a yogurt bowl! |
So. It's going. It's not stopping. I am learning more and experiencing more freedom than I ever dreamed possible for my life, my future, my brain, my runs.
It's certainly no small task but is one We are taking on.
It's certainly no small task but is one We are taking on.
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