601: I'm comin' for ya Saturday: DISCHARGE IS HERE.

I discharge today; FRIDAY and will be back living in the 601 Saturday. I start back work/coaching Monday. WHAT? (I know it's coming as a shock; I've been avoiding it as long as possible HAH.)
Thankfully I'll be back at Fairhaven on Friday's for a bit because I can't fathom going from 5 days a week to 'thanks for everything BYE'; it's making the transition more acceptable.
I can only imagine what I'll be rambling about after getting home-so here's my right before I leave Fairhaven ramblings.

Shameless plug that THIS was my run that morning!

I hope my appreciation for Fairhaven doesn't dissipate. I know soon it will become a mere memory; the thoughts will fade. I don't want my feelings towards this time of life to lessen. I want to remember the hopelessness I faced coming here; the darkness that plagued everyday. However, the now finding what recovery looks like. Being challenged to the core; breaking every thought I had conceived in my mind and rewiring what 'normalcy' looks like; putting back together the pieces that life has thrown at me.
Trusting my psych- Dr Saini, dieticians- Jenni then Leslie, and individual- Kelley to be apart of this whole being told no; being told to challenge and change my ways was a hard thing to give up, but one I was willing to try -because my ways obviously weren't working. This is something I am and will always be endlessly grateful.

One thing I've been thinking about and standing in awe over is how in the past 3 1/2 months my opinion of recovery has changed; for the better.

I kept hearing full recovery is possible and honestly I used to believe I don't apply to that rule. Though I'm not there, I am getting there day-by-day and believe so.
The thought process where I believe genuine freedom from 'safe foods', 'bad foods', counting calorie concerns weakening is actually happening; loving running EVERY time because I want to better my athletic ability, ALWAYS enjoying each moment of all the things I have; simply LIVING this distant euphoric land of full recovery is coming closer each small win that happens practically daily.

like getting Sheridans and
not thinking about the calories in it.
Man. Hello new Meg; I don't miss the old girl.

So- how to even describe FH group therapy? One thing I can't fathom leaving is the intimate friendships formed here (yay for phones and group texts). Hearing the depths of these girls' heart that have never been explored, and finding them myself; sharing it all while feeling lack of shame and judgement amidst crazy deep heart stuff is something that I will cherish for a life time. These girls are the people I know I could call any time and they would be there to support me, no questions asked. 

 It's an experience like none other; it's forming friendships and intimate bonds with people you have no choice with. It's realizing you all have a lot of common ground; hitting the end of your wits ends, realizing help was crucial for living, and then doing something about it. It's not only hearing the ins and outs of the girls lives', but desiring to learn it to not only relate but to see their growth.

These girls have helped save the course of my life through Fairhaven; the therapists, dietitians, recovery coaches, group members; heck the business people are just as vital because without them I wouldn't of logistically gotten here. 

So. In short. Thanks Fairhaven. 

Thanks for changing my life; saving it; helping me find freedom I didn't know was there.

These people love me and encourage me in life, and doing the crazy things I want!

Mark 11:22-24 is Light to the very fact of having the faith for full recovery. Before coming here this (bible verses below) was an aimless prayer because it was wishful thinking; it was sucky faith honestly. I like to come off as this cute girl who loves Jesus, but also needing help; yet having the faith to balance both.
Let me just tell you...sometimes I have sucky faith. I WISH for lots of things but having faith for it to happen sometimes doesn't always go through.
But. Piece by piece I am experiencing the mountain moving faith that Jesus has given me. That is with countless moments of screaming to God of why or how or impossible; I still have those moments, but I am striving for less of them because He is a God that has saved me from the depths of depravity and given me Fairhaven to find new life in recovery with Him.

And Jesus answered them, “Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.