But. Here I am.
Meet my 3:50 class. They have journeyed with me, and will always hold a piece of my heart. |
But right now, the top is still in the darkness.
I am in an 'episode' of darkness let's just say, that happens in my life every 5 months, outside of my control. What I CAN control is: how I can still choose joy/my mindset, how I react, and how I ask for help. In America, my friends know this happens, and know how to 'handle' me. They know it is temporary and constantly encourage me in that. Now, I am in Peru. While I have good friends, they have not been on this journey with me; they were not there when all fell apart.They were not with me as I cried on the floor so many times. However, they are jumping in head first and I am forever grateful.
Two buddies who took me shoe shopping where I was initiated into being a full-on Peruvian. |
The Lord blessed my life with (and I do not say this lightly) the best therapist in my life: AnaLu. She is helping me pray so many new prayers; learn endless amounts about myself in Christ. She called me out our very first session, and though it shocked me, I knew she was the one. She is helping me see that God didn't like when x,y,z was happening when I was a kid and was there with me. Teaching me to pray to hate the things that God hates. To pray through Psalm 23. She also teaches me why my brain does what it does. She prays so fiercely for me that it is the best part of my week. (Ok I am at a place where I need to see her 2x week--so I get it twice a week!) She comes and sits next to me, holds my hands so tightly, and you can feel that she is genuinely talking to Jesus, interceding for me, and I just have the privilege to listen in. She is gracious, yet holds me accountable.
Some buddies that make life more fun. |
So by the Lord's hand, AnaLu helping me, and the fight within me, I will make it through; here across the world; in the time of life I have yearned for 7 years. I feel the need to specify--this is not culture shock. I have the best life I could imagine, and yet darkness comes so hard I can barely stand myself. Disassociation comes in the middle of class, and my students are nothing but wonderful. My friends at school have noticed, and are nothing but encouraging to me. Reminding me how much they value me, and how I will make it through.
We played secret Santa and this was mine. She made me that amazing art work of encouraging notes, and my final present was a beautiful Peruvian hand bag with chocolate! |
'I take my coffee with Rach and Dave' mug and not sorry necklace! |
So, I am going. I am fighting. The Lord is fighting for me, and I am taking up my staff and fighting for myself with Him inside of me. Because the same power that conquered the grave, lives in me.
I simply love reading back blogs of how the Lord provided in my crashes, and I want to be able to stand in awe of who He is. So, here we are.Time to celebrate the birth of our Savior. To celebrate God in flesh. Perfection on Earth. I hope you don't miss the moments, and count each blessing as I am learning to do everyday.
Great blog, as always amiga :-)
ReplyDeleteFeliz Navidad!