For such a time is this!

I sit here in my room at 1am simply throwing a huge pity party-at the most random time.  Two of my best friends and I had a 'date night' with each other-MC, Jen, and I.  We are a crazy trio.  We talked all about silly girl stuff (and crazy awkward things) and it was simply wonderful.   I am indeed incredibly BLESSED by them because it is SUCH a God moment of how we became so close.  I just know God chuckles everytime we reunite.  And I am also getting mega-into the musical.  Just getting to make beautiful music with so many passionate people; nothing describes the feeling.  I can hardly wait to perform it; musical theatre anyone?  So right now would be the 'prime time' for me to not yearn for Ottawa and just BE here; Satan really has a way of screwing things up.

WARNING: THIS IS MY HEARTS RANT OF MY FEELINGS OF BEING IN U.S. VS. OTTAWA
I was showing Jen my Canada scrapbooks and MC came and looked over them again.  And they commented on how pretty I looked in a lot of the pictures (note:  NOT point of this) however I did NOTHING different than I do here in the states.  It looked like the same ole' me.  However one of them made a comment that is sticking with me.  One of them told me that I just looked genuinely happy in every Ottawa picture I have.  And it clicked-again (Becca and I were chatting about this a little white ago).  That I am joyful here in America- I do genuinely LOVE school.  And we are commanded to be joyful always and I genuinely strive to do so.  However a lot of the time it's stressful and busy and just time consumed.  In Ottawa it was oh so different.  I was just purely happy with the point of life I was in.  Not desiring to be somewhere else-but I lived each moment to the fullest.  Now I am here in America simply reminiscing each moment-yearning to relive them.  Wishing I could relive my dance parties and 'I love you' moments with Lillie and the fam., or random talks and life lessons from Carrie, or my beautiful !group experiences, or 1-on-1 dates with people.  I can't go a day without genuinely having to pray my heart back to MC-because without Him my heart would still be at C!C.  Everytime someone says (it STILL happens-DAILY) anything about, "How was your summer?", or, "You went to Canada right?".  I can't help but let my heart momentarily venture back to those days as I talk about how wonderful of a summer experience I had.

However for some reason I have NEVER felt the calling or the nudge from Him to live there.  Which absolutely freaks me out.  How can I fall madly in love with some place, but not have the 'feeling' to live there; I simply don't.  So I konw I won't ever live there-so why does my heart yearn to be there so badly?  I wish I could figure it out.  It is SUCH a spiritual warfare life right now.  My flesh yearns for Ottawa, while my Spirit knows that MC is where I am placed for the time of life.  I have found SUCH freedom from sin in Christ this summer- that now I need to transfer that freedom into the fact that I am PLACED here at MC and find the freedom of not desiring to be in two places at once; for such a time is this!

Ok my random rant is over and I feel oh so better.  I didn't want to post this one to facebook-fearing comments about myself or how-to feel better about life.  Because quite frankly I know most of it-I just wanted to throw my thoughts out to those who would read!